I miss him, all the time I miss him. I wake up and I miss him. I get into the shower and I miss him. I am ALIVE and I miss him.
I lay in my bed and imagine what it would be like if he were here, tracing circles on my stomach, my fingers tangled in his hair. I look around my bedroom and picture what it would be like if he was asleep underneath me. no matter what I'm doing I can picture with him, even if it's the smallest thing. when I'm doing chores home alone I wonder what our house would've looked like- would he come in while I'm doing dishes at the sink and wrap his arms around me? put his hands on my waist and lean in to kiss my neck- I'm cold as always and his breath is hot. would he let me pick the movies on Saturday nights, no matter how many times we've seen it?
I used to never see myself having kids but now when I see a child in public I imagine a tiny pink nursery- little flowers cover the walls and there's a white rocking chair in the corner. or a tiny blue blanket is folded in the crib, directly under a mobile with hanging dogs and there's stars on the ceiling. we would lay on the couch and read books back and forth to the unborn baby, but mostly him because his voice is a lot more calming than mine.
then I remember the other girl. the one who has his heart. she's got golden brown hair that shines just right in the sun, all the way down to the small of her back. her nose and cheeks are spotted with freckles; not a blemish on her face. her body is perfect with curves in all the right places that makes me look like a little boy in comparison. I remember how he kisses her randomly in the hallway between classes or the make out sessions they have in her car. the subtle touches around their friends- his hand on her back or thigh, or their pinkies crossed. the same way he would do with me. I remember he probably tells her she looks good no matter what, but his favorite is sweatshirts. he's always had a thing for sweatshirts. they probably share a blanket during a movie and keep their legs intertwined, she's in between his legs leaning into him and his warm embrace hugs her body.
I miss him, all the time I miss him. I wake up and I miss him. I get into the shower and I miss him. i am DYING and i miss him.
