I am laughing and I am happy when there's a knock on the door. I hold my breath- I am in his class, after all. I let the breath out when only 2 boys come in the room. as I'm about to speak he walks in and my voice catches. he looks over and sees me and our eyes lock. if the circumstances were different I would smile but in this case I quickly turn away and go back to my story. my friend tells me that he turns to look at me while I talk but my back is to him so I don't know for sure. all I want to do is look at him. I need to stare and make sure all his features are still the same because I don't know how I would be able to handle it if those changed, too. as my friend and I go to talk to the teacher- I sneak a peak. his hair appears the same- same dumb.. cute strands stick up in the back. he's grown a lot; taller than I remember even sitting down. or maybe it's been that long since I actually sat with him. his body build is still the same. it's jus his face I really want to see. I need to make sure that his big brown eyes still have some bit of life, regardless of the many pills that took a toll on him. & I need to make sure he still gets those crinkles by his eyes when he smiles wide- even tho he always said he hated his smile. lastly, I need to see if he still looks at me like I'm his best friend- like I'm someone important. but I doubt he ever will again.
