you think he's all out...;you think he's all out when it's 8 am and you're actually focused on your class work. you think he's all out when you're watching tv and can actually laugh along to the jokes or enjoy your favorite books again. you think he's all out when you're with your friends and it's 2 am and you don't have the uncontrollable urge to text him and tell him all your feelings... you don't want to cry at everything and anything anymore. you begin to feel like maybe this is what it's like to move on and... be happy. it isn't until you see him in the hallway and your stomach lurches, or you hear something that reminds you of him and feel like you're being punched in the face. it isn't until it's 3 am and you're waking up, every night, unable to breathe and the sweat makes your hair stick to your forehead because you had a dream that was all too realistic, that you realize that he isn't all out. he's not even close. he's still consuming every single fucking corner of your body- even the ones you thought he'd never touch. the deepest corners of your heart and mind that you thought you kept from him...that you find him in. everyday waking up is a struggle and when you step out of your bed you feel like all your bones might shatter. no matter what's going on that day all you want to do is text him and tell him you need him back because he was what was keeping you alive. you think he's all out until you think about cutting him off for good- and you get a sinking feeling in your stomach. that's how you know he isn't gone, and won't be anytime soon.
