Several Kinds of Hunger

Part 14

I chew slowly and swallow. "You really want me?" I ask him.

He looks at his apple and nods. "I really want you." He looks up at me. "What we did there," he motions at the bed, "I want them to see us."

My heart begins racing at his request. I feel nervous because he's asking me to perform with him, in front of people and I'm not sure about that.

"You have doubts." He says, as if he read my thoughts. I nod and he comes a little forward. "What has you so concerned?"

Despite his strong presence and domination, it surprises me a little that he can also show some concern. It's the conundrum of Leo and I'm immensely attracted to that. Since he's so forward about things, I should be too. "It's about people seeing us, you know?"

He finishes his apple and stands. "Seeing us fuck? Why?" He says so cool, like it's the most normal thing. Leo throws away the apple and helps himself to some sparkling water. "You're thinking about it too much."

"Of course I am. Having sex in front of people comes from a confidence within. I don't have that." I try to explain. "I'm sure it comes easy to you. I mean look at you! You're obviously very sexual." I head to where my clothes are.

I drop the sheets, knowing very well I'm naked. "Leo, I'm just afraid that..."

"What?" his deep voice is strong. "What do you fear?"

"When I told you that I've never known intimacy, it wasn't a lie." I put on my bra, then my panties. "It's not saying much but the sex we just had," I pause, "was probably the most intense, salacious thing I ever done." I stay quiet.

I grab my dress and pull it over my head. I reach back to zip it up, but Leo's hands beat me to it. He slowly zips me up and lets his hands linger on my shoulders. He turns me around so I face him. "Was it really?" He asks, eyes hooded.

I reach up to touch his lips and then whatever I can from his cheek. "It was. It's never been so," I search for the perfect word. "exhilarating." I half-smile. "I'm afraid that what I can give you, won't be enough. That it won't satisfy what you are used to." I look at his eyes.

He brings his hand up to mine and then brings it down, holding it tightly against his chest. "What I want is you. Ever since I saw you," Leo caresses my hand, "it was like a want I never had before. A need. A hunger." He spells out slowly. "What we did tonight...you're right. I wasn't satisfied."

I look down in disappointment but his fingers tilt my head to see him. "I wasn't satisfied because you were lousy or bad," he clears up, "I wasn't satisfied because you were that good and I want more." He smiles wickedly. "You have no idea how much I want to fuck you right now, how much I want to fuck you for hours. I still crave you." He licks his lips.

There's something about his brashness that ignites me. Leo's way with words have a way of melting me inside. But it's not just his words, it's the combination of his dirty mouth and the mask. It fits him perfectly and I'm finding myself super attracted to the idea of wearing masks during our intimate times. But if we're both going to participate in C.E.V. play, I need to know what I'm doing, I need to know how I can please him when I perform.

"Teach me." I say.

Even with the mask, I can make out the confusion on his face. "What?"

"Teach me. Teach me how do to this." I begin to clarify. "I want us to go slow. I'm not sure I want to go to The Hallway right away but I do want to give it a try in the future. I just want to be ready and actually know what I'm doing behind the window when people see us." I kiss him. "I want you to teach me how to touch you, how to kiss you, where you want me to put my mouth..." I trail off.

Leo closes his eyes and groans. "I might pass out if you keep talking, you have no idea how you're coming off." His deep voice is strained, "You want me to teach you how to fuck me, touch me and blow me?" He bites his lips. I nod and he smiles. "Go hand your signed contract to Blair. Tell her that you need a mediation to create another contract for an association." He kisses me. "Do it fast. The faster we create our contract, the faster you'll begin your lessons." He nibbles my bottom lip.

He lets me go and I finish getting dressed. As I put on my heels, I think about the things I can ask for in our contract. Since we can state our needs and wants, there is something -other than the sex-that I want from him. "In our private time, you know, as we take it slowly." I edge, "Where will we..."

"In here of course. Our wicked ways will happen in here." He smiles and puts his shirt on. When he turns around to get his belt, I freeze to see more scars on his backs. There aren't many, but they are a bit big. Some of them wrapping around to his ribs, shoulder blades. I quickly look away as he faces me again.

"I like this room." I tell him, gazing all around. "It's so personal and its hidden. You must be like super elite or something to get a room like this." I say to change the subject and take my mind of from his scars. He nods as he puts his shoes on.

"Yeah, the other private rooms aren't like this one."

"Hmm. And since we're going to be private, we can sometimes take our mask off and..."

"No." Leo cuts me off.

"No?"

He ties the laces on his shoes and stands up. "That's the one thing I won't do. If we're doing this," he says, motioning between us, "We can never take the masks off." He says more seriously. "We can never reveal ourselves."

"Why? I mean we have the option." I say, thinking back to the guidelines.

"It can never be an option with us. I've never revealed myself with anyone and I won't ever." Leo shakes his head.

But I want the option, does he think I'll care what he looks like? "Can we discuss this further at th-"

"I said fucking NO!" He yells at me and I jump. Gone is his playful manner and sexy wit. His outburst leaves me a bit shocked and cold. Why is he so unbending and defensive about this? I gather my things and head towards the door.

"Where are you going?" He growls, tone still cold.

"I don't take kindly on people yelling at me, especially considering my willingness in complying to such an affair with you." I make my point. "Bye Leo." I simply say and leave.

I walk downstairs and exit through the hidden door. As I make my way throughout the club, I head towards Blair's office. Her door is slightly open and I knock.

"Come in."

I open the door and Blair's face looks up from her phone. "It's me." I say, hoping she recognizes my voice.

She smiles and stands. "Emmeline. As always, I'm surprised. I thought you weren't going to join the club."

I wanted to join the club. But in the end, the alluringness of The Monarchy came to be because of one masked man. If I didn't meet Leo, I don't think I would have not been open to the idea of C.E.V. Everything about the club made more sense after meeting Leo because I would have done it with him, I would have been open with him, in all senses. But his outburst woke me up and reminded me why this was a bad idea, why beginning a relationship with a stranger could only be dangerous, dark and wicked. Nothing good could come out of this and I should never go back. I was Icarus, I was flying to close to the sun but luckily, I felt the heat before it burned my wings.  I told Blair that in the end, the club might not be for me. I told her that I be more than happy to pay the fee. She told me she was sad to see me go and that if I do change my mind, I can always give her a call. I took off my mask to give it back, but she told me to keep it. She walked me out and managed to get a private car to take me home.

As try to close my eyes, I try to forget everything. I took a chance and I'm surprised at myself for going this far. But I can't help to think about Leo. I can't help to feel a shiver about Leo's dark side. Although his outburst shocked me, it wasn't his yelling that gave me goosebumps. Weirdly, there was something familiar that I felt...I just don't know what.