unlovable

part 35

[vanessa's pov]
"what the hell do you mean you're leaving!?" cody shouts, throwing a pillow across the room.
i run my hands over my face in frustration.
why did i think he would understand?
"it's not permanent. i'll come back for you... just please trust me, cody. i love you but this is what i need to do for myself.." i try to reason with him.
he stands in silence. i walk towards him and grab his wrists. he slowly looks into my eyes.
he blinks slowly, "fine, vanessa. fine. you be careful. contact me while you're gone, too. please."
i nod rapidly, "of course. now, let's review.. when my parents ask where i am, then what do you say?"
"you went on vacation with jordan." he sighs.
i kiss him and run my hands through his hair.
he tugs on my bottom lip with his teeth.
i open my mouth slightly, allowing his tongue access to my mouth. he always tastes so good.
i'm going to miss this.
"babe, just love me. please." i pout.
he bites his lip, "stop. you know how much you turn me on when you do that."
he lays me down on his bed and starts to pull off my clothing.
might as well have a boost for the road.

----
"i love you." he says to me as i leave his house.
i smile at him, "i love you too."
my jeep already is filled with my luggage.
cody watches me leave his porch and walk to my car. i blow him one last kiss before getting in the drivers' seat.
when i start my car, "the heart wants what it wants" by selena gomez comes on.
"here we go, vanessa." i say out loud, pulling out of his driveway.
as i turn to drive down the street, i watch as cody buries his head in his hands, his back moving up and down.
he's sobbing.
he stumbles back inside & i can't help but feel my heart ache at the sight.
i take a deep breathe and continue to drive.
i'm on my way to a city i've always wanted to see.
vancouver, here i come.
but first, i have to make a quick stop.

----
[caleb's pov]
"i'm coming, i'm coming." i say after the third ring of my doorbell.
i peer in the small window of my door to see a blurred view of a brunette.
not just any brunette... vanessa?
i pull open the door and sure enough, it's her.
i shiver from the cold that rushes in. snow covers my porch. she stands in front of me.
knit beanie, thin jacket & scarf with black leggings and tall black boots. her hair is wavy & flows down his shoulders. it's so long, but it fits her so well. snowflakes rest throughout her hair. she looks amazing.
i'm happy to see her.
"hey." i lean against the door frame.
she smiles, "hey, caleb. are you alone?"
i nod in response. she pulls open the patio door and connects her lips to mine.
i'm shocked at first, i don't know how to react.
you still love her, you dumbass. kiss her!
i snap back to reality and mold my lips with hers. her lips are sweet, she's been drinking some sort of tea or lemonade.
she pulls away quickly and whispers something that sounds like "i love you" but i'm not quite sure.
her hand finds mine and she holds it.
i watch as tears brim her eyes, "i just hate to say goodbye.. so i'm not saying it."
i nod & she lets go of my hand, running out my door and back to her jeep.
she looks at me one last time.. there's so much behind her eyes. there's always so much behind her eyes.
she gets in & drives away.. almost in an instant.
i have no idea what that meant.. but i fear that it's not a good thing.

---
[vanessa's pov]
driving at night is so nice, so peaceful. the highways are always almost empty, allowing me to not have to stress as much about other cars.
the moon shines through the car windows. i'm always extra careful driving through any snow, but the roads are salted well tonight. the roads aren't icy, but there's some snow along the sides. there's no snow falling, it's just clear skies and a clear road. i tap my fingers on my steering wheel along to the beat of "like i did" by shane harper.
i keep staring at my new ring that i love more and more with each glance and for the first time in weeks, i actually am crying. i've been so numb so for me to actually somewhat feel again.. it kind of sucks but it's a reminder that i'm human. i'm still six hours away from vancouver.
my mom had hotel passes from her work & i have saved money up for this whole trip.
all of my graduation gifts and funds that i received gave me a real boost, which i appreciate so much.
i feel bad that i didn't say goodbye to my parents, but i'll be back soon enough. this isn't a permanent thing.. i just needed to get away from everyone. from everything that's familiar.