unlovable

part 18

[caleb's pov]
cody insisted on picking vanessa up, even if i wish it was me who was picking her up.
i don't argue, i know it will just cause more problems.
i know i have janice, but things are just better when i'm with vanessa. there's more of a connection..
vanessa will come around.. she will..

[vanessa's pov]
i'm finally going home from the hospital & i feel good. this cast is annoying as hell but i'll survive.
cody places his hand on my lower back, leading me out of the room.
i'm wearing a cody sweatshirt gave to me, it's black & has the adidas logo big on the front. i'm also wearing black leggings & my adidas superstars.
my hair is in a messy ponytail, i can't wait to shower.
cody kisses my cheek and walks with me, arm wrapped around my waist.
when we start driving, i see him shaking a little.
"are you okay?" i ask.
he glances at me, "y-yeah.. just been worried about you, that's all."
i smile at him & hold his right hand.
he keeps his left hand on the steering wheel.
"i'm okay, cody. thank you for being here for me."
he nods, "always. you can pick the music, baby girl." he hands me his phone.
i smile, typing in the day we met for his passcode.
i scroll through to my bad bitch playlist, i'm done feeling sorry for myself & being sad.
i select "big daddy" by nicki minaj.
cody looks at me and his jaw drops a bit, "hell yeah, that's my girl. damn."
we sing along to the beginning together.
"your bitch calls me big daddy! tell that bitch i'm big daddy!" we yell.
i start laughing hysterically, i live for these moments.
i remember all the car memories with caleb.. like--
stop it right now, vanessa.
you're in a car with cody & you're still thinking of caleb? maybe it's because i'm confused.
it felt genuine.. but there's no way he had the courage to leave janice, especially for me.
whatever.
he has something called words and he can use them if he wants to express something to me.
i appreciate all the time he spent by me, i'm kinda shocked he cared that much.
i knew he cared, but i never thought it was to that level. damn.
once the song ends, i put on "deuces" by chris brown.
he looks at me again, big smile on his face.
he keeps staring at me, but says nothing.
i just move my shoulders along with the beat.
such a good song.
when we park in the parking lot for my apartment complex, he sits very still.
"i know" by big sean is playing softly.
"vanessa.." he mumbles, tears in his eyes.
i panic.
"what!? what's going on?" i run my hand up and down his arm.
i place my hand on his cheek to try to get him to look at me. what's going on with him?
he finally looks into my eyes, "i love you."
i stare at him, unsure of what to say.
i love caleb.. i know i love caleb.
cody has been there for me, though, and caleb left me. i love cody, i do.
he continues to stare into my eyes.
"i love you too, cody."
he smiles & connects our lips.
i climb out of the passenger seat as he helps me on his lap. he's gentle, he knows i was just in a car accident a week ago.
we're being pretty rough though, but i love it.
he softly bites my lower lip and tugs.
vanessa you better stop now.. you're going to lose control again.
i slow down the kiss & smile.
for the first time, i don't have any regrets.

----
[caleb's pov]
everything feels empty without her. janice & i are on a date right now, i needed to try to get my mind off of vanessa.
i'm hurt by the whole situation.
i know what i did.. but.. it doesn't feel right. sometimes i make decisions and then they end up not working the way i thought.
janice is sweet, and cute.. things are simple when we're together.
yet, part of me just craves what vanessa & i had.
there's not many places that i go on dates with janice to where i don't think of vanessa.
all of our kisses, our laughs we shared, our secrets, our love.. it echoes everywhere i go.
cody pisses me off, i don't like him at all.
maybe it wasn't a good idea to go on a date with janice right now.. she keeps asking for my attention again. my mind keeps wandering.
i feel really blank-- i find myself not speaking at times. everyone notices, says i'm quieter.
"caleb.. what are you thinking about?" janice questions.
she wraps her arms around me.
"uh-- nothing." i mumble.
she doesn't need to know about any of this.
the city is cold. living in a boring town isn't fun, but seeing the city is.
we wander up and down the city streets, cold wind drifting over us.
it numbs me & it helps me block out a lot of the thoughts right now.
i don't know what to do.

----
[vanessa's pov]
i'm laying with cody on the couch & i'm comfortable.. but caleb's arms felt like home.
maybe that feeling will go away.. but i can't shake him. i can't forget him.
"thank you cody, for being here.. i really want to get my school work done & talk to my parents tonight.. i was wondering if i could be alone for tonight? i'll come to your place tomorrow morning." i smile, kissing his cheek.
he looks at me in confusion and then it turns into a smile, "of course, gorgeous. i love you." he gives me a peck on the lips and stands up from the couch. he grabs his sweatshirt from the table.
"love you too." i give him a soft smile.
he then leaves my apartment.

and then i'm reminded...

i'm now alone.

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heyyyyy(:

next few chapters are gonna be a lil different xo

- adrianna