unlovable

part 21

[vanessa's pov]
i can't help feeling used.
yeah, it hurts.. i thought things were going well.
that we would be okay.
it's all my fault, isn't it? it probably is.
i'm not good enough.. how could i believe someone actually loved me?
"tell me it's okay" by gnash plays loudly in my earbuds.
i've seen cody every day for the past week.
caleb hasn't messaged me.
the pain has numbed out a little-- i just hate this.
he probably isn't thinking of me, either.
i have cody. i need to forget caleb.
i feel cody's arms wrap around my shoulders from behind the couch.
i pull my earbuds out, "hi, babe."
he leans over and i lean my head back, kissing him.
"want to go on an adventure?" he asks.
"yes!" i giggle & run to the door, slipping my shoes on.
i love adventures, i'm up for all of it.
i climb in the passenger seat and watch as he locks the house.
when i unlock my phone, i open snapchat as fast as i can & start to record cody getting in the car.
"hello, snapchat. i'm taking my baby girl on an adventure." he starts his car & looks into the camera, sticking out his tongue.
i giggle & stop recording, putting little heart stickers & a caption saying "my babe treats me well."
i post it to my story & lock my phone.
cody leans over and kisses my cheek, then backs out of the driveway.
the radio kicks in & i hear "teenage dream" by katy perry. a smile spreads across my face.
i turn it up & nod my head along to the beat.
cody laughs and nods along, too.
"you! make! me! feel like i'm living a.. teenage.. dream." we belt out the lyrics together.
all of the windows are down.
the wind blows through the car and thrill my entire body, it's a rush.
the song ends & cody turns down the volume a little, "we need a more punk song, don't you think?"
i nod my head & he plugs in the aux cord to his phone. moments later.. "teenagers" by my chemical romance plays.
hell yes!
i start head-banging. nothing beats the feeling of good music & a good drive.
it's 7:32PM and the sun is setting in the distance.
it creates a pink glow in cody's jeep, casting over the both of us.
we both are jamming hardcore. cody slams his palm on the steering wheel with the beat.
this song makes me feel like trashing a house or covering my entire eyelid with eyeliner.
cody pulls up to the lookout area which is on a big hill. it looks over the sunset perfectly.. and we're the only ones here.
we get out of the car and walk to a bench, sitting next to each other.
he puts his arm around me and i nestle my head against his chest.
"thank you." i whisper.
he kisses the top of my head, "of course."
cody unlocks his phone & plays "lights down low" by MAX.
i look at the sunset which seems to change by the second. it's a mix of shades of pink and shades of orange. the wispy white clouds drift across the colours, it looks like something you'd see in a movie.
we're both wearing sweatshirts, we fit really well. i'm wearing leggings and converse. he wears skinny jeans & converse. i could stay here forever.
"baby?" cody's voice shakes.
"yes?" i answer, sitting up.
he takes my hand, "listen.. i know that he hurt you. i know that you probably have a billion things in your head right now and things may be crazy.. but i promise to treat you right and stay by your side. vanessa, will you be my girlfriend?"
the big title. he just asked me out, officially.
he wants me-- to be his only. his number one.
i love caleb so much.. and i always will.
he's done with me, though.
i love cody, he is there for me & he treats me well, he's loyal & he cares about me. i'm his one and only, and he makes me happy.
"of course." i smile, connecting my lips with his.

----
[caleb's pov]
i know i was a dick for doing that.
i thought i would be happy after everything.. that hasn't happened.
janice notices that i'm distant & she hasn't been too trusting after what she walked-in on.
i haven't seen or talked to vanessa in an entire week. i feel empty.
she's probably moved on. i hope she is happy.
i'm sitting on my porch with a lighter in my hand.
i run my fingers around the very edge of the flame, it heats my fingertips wildly.
the heat brings a sensation that hurts-- but feels good. if vanessa was here, she would tell me to stop. she's not though, and i don't blame her.
i feel numb.. i don't know what is going on.. i just know i should distance myself from everyone.
it's for the best.

----
[cody's pov]
i feel like the luckiest guy in the world.
i know how caleb left vanessa.. it was bad. she doesn't deserve that.
i am going to treat her right & be there for her & love her unconditionally.
she is my one & only.
she makes me so happy and how on earth could i trade that for anything?
i stay in the sunset, with her head resting on my lap & for the first time in forever-- i know where i belong. with her.

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sorry haven't updated lately, haven't felt the most inspired???

thanks for reading xo

- adrianna