unlovable

part 26

[vanessa's pov]
i immediately feel the effects of my long night working on schoolwork. my eyes sting & i still feel exhausted.
the sun is peeking through my black curtains.
then, i hear breathing and i feel an extra warmth beside me.
when i roll over, a smile spreads across my face.
his eyes are closed, the sunlight lights his face up. his eyelashes are so crazy long, it blows my mind.
his face rests in a pout, he's adorable.
"cale-- cody." i correct myself as fast as i can.
luckily, he's still sleepy enough to not even notice that i almost just called him caleb.
why do they both have names starting with c? ugh.
i plant kisses across his forehead and on his cheeks. he stirs slightly & then his eyelashes flutter open.
"baby.." his voice is raspy & deep.
he runs his hand over my hair and kisses the tip of my nose.
i wrap myself around him, "i don't wanna get up."
he slides his hand over the back of my waist.
"then we can stay in bed." his crystal eyes look into mine. i smile and nestle myself into his chest.
the sound of my parents' room door creaking makes my heart rate speed up... my dad is on another work trip.. my mom is home. fuck.
she always comes in my room to borrow something from my closet.. she's gonna see cody & i.
before i can even think of a plan, my door opens & she's in my room. i feel cody stiffen but i continue to hold onto him tightly.
"good morning, you two." she grins and walks to my closet.
that's it!? i was expecting a whole lecture. for her to tell him to leave or something... wow.
"good morning." cody & i mumble together.
she grabs a sweater from the closet and slides it over her tank top.
"i'm going to run errands & then i'm going right to work. love you both. if you need anything, text me." she blows me a kiss & leaves my room.
i look up at cody in shock & he's grinning.
"what?" i ask.
he pulls the blankets up over us, "i get to spend the day in bed with my beautiful girlfriend."
he kisses me and i can't help but smile uncontrollably.

---
[caleb's pov]
i miss her & i don't at the same time.
janice is in my arms & i'm reminding myself that this is what i wanted. this is what i chose.
vanessa is out of my life & it's for the best, isn't it?
i don't wanna think about it.
i'm still so stressed out & the voices are so loud in my head. i don't even know what to think anymore.
i rest my head in my pillow as janice falls asleep in my arms & i tell myself that this is amazing, that this is great.
fuck everything, i guess.
vanessa deserves to be happy, but she's also mine.. i hate thinking about her with cody, or seeing her with him. there's still a piece of me that gets jealous.
i still want to hear about her days or talk to her.. i fucking miss her when we don't talk & everything is just confusing at this point.
i remember all of the conversations we had at 3AM when i was stoned... actually, i don't.
she does, though. she'd always explain when i woke up. i guess i grew the balls to actually express how i felt to her while i was high...
janice adjusts herself to lay down further & i can't help but wonder what it would be like if vanessa was in her place instead.

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[vanessa's pov]
he pulls my legs towards him & i wrap them around his waist. i'm laying down, my polaroid in my hands. he sits cross-legged in front of me.
"smile, babe." i giggle.
he smiles really wide as the flash goes off.
the photo prints out and i give it a shake.
i then set it on the pile and move closer to him, to the point where i'm almost sitting in his lap.
i look at the camera, sticking my tongue out.
cody sticks his tongue out, too and touches it to mine. i click the camera button and as soon as the photo is taken i'm already bursting into laughter.
"i love you so much." i laugh, pushing him down & straddling his waist.
"whoa, guess what!?" he asks, excitement in his voice.
"what?"
"i love you." he sits up slightly to kiss me again.
i grab my phone that sits on the nightstand & open snapchat. i take a flash picture of him & he sticks his tongue out.
i caption it "guess what?" and post it to my story.
i open my camera again & lean down and kiss him.
i press the shutter button and the flash goes off once again.
i lay my head against his chest as i check to see how it turned out.
we both look really happy, and we are.
i caption it "i'm lucky." and post it to my story.
i lock my phone & put it back on my nightstand.
as the night is approaching, i only wish that could last forever.. it never seems to, though.
the nights are the absolute worst.
i have the most amazing days and then when night hits-- i can't stop crying.
i overthink, i hate everything about myself & have awful thoughts.
i enjoy the happy times as much as i possibly can.

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ooooooh things are boutta get SPICY lmao

i'm gonna try to continue to update daily..

my brain hasn't been treating me too amazing lately, though :(

thanks for reading xo
- adrianna