Hiccstrid/ Httyd one-shots (DISCONTINUED / SOTRA COMPLETE / SOME RANDOM EDITING)

#54 The Monsters In Her Head (Modern)

Trigger Warnings: Self harm. Cutting. Depression. Blood. Self doubt. Self hate. Suicidal thoughts. If you are easily triggered by these things then I beg you to please not read! I don't want to be the cause of anyone hurting themselves!! I used to self harm and if you do, I know how you are feeling. Please, just listen to me when I say you are beautiful! You are amazing! You are wonderful! You are perfect! I know that you may not know me and I may not know you, but I just want you to know that I care, even if you think no one else does! I love you all! I may not ever see or meet any of you guys but I do love you all so much and it hurts me, knowing that some of you at be hurting yourself! I'm not going to say that "i promise it's going to get better" because I can't promise that, it's not in my power to promise that and it would be cruel and unfair promising something I have no control over, but just know that I'm here, and I love you all. You are all amazing, beautiful, perfect, wonderful, pretty, handsome, and I care about you! You deserve to be happy! So be happy! :-)

Summary: Astrid starts to believe the monsters in her head.

Word Count: 1000

Astrid sat at then end of her bed, staring to the blank wall in front of her. Her friends had just left and now she had nothing to do apart from listen to the monsters inside her head.

'Worthless'

'Ugly'

'Bitch'

'Slut'

'Useless'

'Freak'

'Monster'

'Piece Of Shit'

'Everyone Hates You'

'Go Die'

'Use The Blade Again'

'You Deserve To Die'

'No Body Will Ever Want You'

'You Are Not Worth It'

'You're A Disgrace To Everyone'

The tears started to rapidly flow down her cheeks. She knew what they had all said were true. Everything was her fault. She did hate her life. Sadness was the only emotion that was real to her. Everyday when she want to school she put on a fake mask of happiness and always, always wore long sleeves, even in the boiling heat.

She stood up and walked to her draw in her desk. She opened the draw and pulled out a medium sized black box before closing the draw and sitting back down on her bed. Slowly she looked down at the plain black box in front of her. She hadn't opened it in 3 weeks which was a new record but the temptation was making her hand lift the lid off and look at the contents indie of it.

Blades and Razors. That was what filled the box. Some blades small, some big. Some clean, some covered in red. Her collection of blades were impressive, but no one knew of her collection, let alone what she used them for and she was planning on keeping it that way. Her fingers danced over the blades, picking out the right one she will use. Her head was spinning and her body was numb.

She picked up a long, new looking shiny blade. Her hands trembled slightly under the coldness of the metal blade, yet she loved the feeling. She twirled it in one hand admiring the silver glint in it before she rolled up her sleeve, her faint scars littered up and down her arm. She placed the sharp side of the blade on her skin and slowly dragged it across.

It stung a bit at first but she knew she deserved the pain because the monsters in her head told her so. Dots of blood appeared from where she just cut and she sighed in relief, a small smile on the corner of her lips. She took the blade and slowly dragged it across her arm again, blood appearing faster this time. She dragged the blade over and over again as the small smile on her lips still there, but now the tears started to flow down her cheeks again.

The blood dripped down from her arm and onto the white sheets of her bed. But she didn't care about that. All she cared about was the fresh cuts on her arm. She let the blade drop to the floor as she stared at her arm. Scars were down and up her arms, both old and new. The dark red blood dripped off of her arm live a light shower of rain.

"Hey, Astrid I left my jacket......" Hiccup said as he stepped in the room but froze when he saw what she was doing. He watched as the tears fell down her face and the blood on her arm fall to the white sheets. "Astrid!" He shouted rushing to her side. She looked at him in the eye, her blue eyes dull, no longer full of brightness and happiness that everyone else saw.

Hiccup's eyes watered as he saw his best friend, his long time crush crying with blood down her arm. He looked at the box next to her and noticed a few bandage roll's so he took them and started wrapping her arm. The whole time he was doing that, Astrid kept her head down, scared of what he would say. That was when the monsters in her head started to speak again.

'See? He Hates You Now!!!'

'He's Going To Tell The Whole School'

'Look What You Have Done You Worthless Bitch'

'He'll Tell Your Parents'

'You'll Get Sent Away!'

'You Really Are Worthless and Pathetic!'

'No Wonder No Body Likes You!'

The voices repeated in her mind as she closed her eyes tightly trying to block them out, but it only made them louder. "Astrid? Are you okay?" Hiccup asked looking at the broken girls scrunched up face. "They wont stop...." She mumbled as she clamped her hands to her ears. "What wont?" Asked Hiccup as he looked at her worriedly. "They're getting louder." She said her voice a bit louder then a mumble. "What is? Astrid please tell me!" He said. "I can't! I cant live like this anymore! I just want to die! Let me just die! I want to die!!!!! JUST LET ME FUCKING DIE!!!!!!!" She shouted as Hiccup stared at her wide eyed before bringing her into a hug, her sobbing into his shoulders. "I want to die..."

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Originally Published: 22nd October 2016

Edited: 15th June 2017

~ Rose 🌹