Lazarus Project: Mass Effect 2 (Shenko)

Chapter 3

Milky Way/Serpent Nebula/Widow System/Citadel

Earth year: 2183 CE --- March

Tali couldn't stop the tears that flowed down her cheeks as she sat among the crew who had assembled to honour Shepard's memory.

She was comforted by the reassuring weight of Garrus' presence. He was sitting beside her in stoic silence, the only indication that he was aware of her distress was that he'd draped his arm across her shoulders in a rare show of comfort. She could hear the steady click of his mandibles as a parade of official looking Alliance personnel spoke of the woman Tali had called friend.

They didn't even know her! She thought angrily. Why were they even here? A hiccup of grief escaped her, drawing the attention of a blonde human woman who scowled at her when she realized she was staring at a quarian.

She knew the humans and every species on the Citadel blamed her people for what the geth had done. In the interest of keeping her safe, Councillor Anderson had provided her a place to stay on the Citadel while she waited for the memorial service. Surprised by the gesture, she had accepted even though she'd known it would be simpler to just return to the Flotilla and her people. But she couldn't do that. She would not turn her back on Shepard, not even on her memory.

Garrus stayed with her, Anderson having extended the invitation to both him, Dr. T'Soni and Joker. But Liara had refused the offer, saying only that she had business to attend to but would see them at the service.

Tali had been surprised by Liara's behaviour. Since the destruction of the Normandy, she had been distant and hadn't spoken more than a few sentences to anyone. Not that Tali had ever had much contact with her.

Everyone on the Normandy knew Liara had to be as devastated by Shepard's loss as Kaidan was. She'd practically thrown herself at Shepard less than a day after joining the Normandy only to be met with rejection. Yet Liara didn't appear to be even half as upset by what had happened as everyone else and Tali couldn't understand why.

Tali's people were so unlike the crew she'd spent the past six months with, yet everyone here had cared for and respected Shepard as much as she had. She didn't understand why they were all acting as if it didn't matter. Well not all of them, she amended, glancing at Kaidan who was sitting  two rows ahead of her. He was a mess, as was Joker who was seated near the front of the room beside Councilor Anderson.

She'd tried to speak to Kaidan several times over the past week but had given up when her attempts to draw him out were met with eyes that held no warmth or feeling. It had been like trying to appeal to a geth and his lack of response had frightened her.

Even Garrus, who although present and who had stepped up to act as her unofficial protector, had sealed himself away. He'd spoken words of comfort to her over the past week, but had done so with such clinical detachment that it hadn't been comforting at all. In fact, the more meaningless words he spoke, the more isolated she'd felt. After two days of it, she had found herself feeling little more than cool detachment regarding the loss of her friend.

Yet all that ended when she saw Kaidan sitting stiff and alone in the memorial room, looking a statue carved from stone. Then she'd seen Joker, his arm and one leg wrapped tight in bandages, his eyes red and bloodshot, swaying in his seat as he tried to keep himself upright. But the worst was when she caught sight of the holo image of Shepard someone had placed at the front of the room. Tali didn't know where it had come from, but the sight of it there seemed lonely and out of place.

Councillor Anderson had asked if any of them wished to speak at the service, but she knew she couldn't. And what would those gathered have thought if she had? A quarian speaking about the loss of their human Saviour? She was certain they would look at her with accusation, blaming her for the geth, the destruction of the Normandy and the death of Shepard. As much as she would have liked to speak of her friend and how much she would miss her, she thought it better for everyone if she didn't.

Rumours had already begun to circulate on the Citadel. Saying the geth had attacked and destroyed the Normandy, despite there being no evidence to support those claims. Although their mission had been to find and destroy geth outposts in the Traverse, Tali was certain the geth were not responsible for the Normandy's destruction. But the rumours persisted despite this and it was assumed the geth had destroyed the Normandy in retaliation for the defeat of Sovereign.

Her arm buzzed and Tali absently pressed a button, removing a filter from a pocket on her thigh before removing the one that was clogged – an annoying side-effect of all her crying. It had been difficult to find replacement filters on the Citadel – no one wanted her in their stores. In the end, she'd had to confine herself to Anderson's apartment, sending Garrus out alone to purchase them for her.

She looked up as the room began to clear, noting how fast Liara rose and made for the exit. Tali was dismayed that her ruminations had made her miss most of the service, but Liara's strange behaviour overrode her regret. She knew Liara was up to something, she just didn't know what.

"Tali." Garrus said at her ear. "We should go. The room is clearing out and I'm not in the mood to make nice with the Alliance."

"Of course Garrus." Tali sniffed, rising to her feet. "Just give me a minute. Okay?"

"Sure Tali." Garrus agreed, his tone gruff. "I'll wait for you by the door."

She watched him walk off, pointedly ignoring anyone who tried to catch his eye. He reached the doorway and pressed his back against the frame, crossing his arms across his chest. A silent sentinel, his posture daring anyone to approach him.

Her eyes sad, Tali turned back to Kaidan who was now surrounded by empty chairs – everyone else had gone. Even Joker had left and she hadn't even had a chance to say goodbye. Steeling herself, she approached Kaidan hoping that this time he would at least acknowledge her presence.

This is stupid Tali, she admonished herself. He doesn't want your help. She understood that, yet she also knew that Shepard would have wanted her to try. Shepard would want anyone, someone to try to reach the man she had loved – Tali knew with certainty Shepard would have been so disappointed with how they'd shut each other out.

"Kaidan?" Tali said, taking in his crisp uniform that clashed severely with his red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained face. "I... I don't know if you can hear me Kaidan. I understand you don't want to talk but I'm leaving the Citadel today. I'm sorry Kaidan, I... I just wanted you to know that I'm here for you, if you ever need a friend."

Tali's heart squeezed in pain as Kaidan failed once again to acknowledge her or even show awareness of her presence. She'd expected it, yet she still brought up her omni-tool and pressed a few buttons before lowering her arm to her side again, feeling her heart break at the sight of him.

"Okay." Tali said,struggling to keep her voice even. "I've sent my contact details to your omni-tool. Please get in touch with me when you can. Goodbye Lieutenant." She whispered, leaving him silent and immobile at her back.

"Ready to go Tali?" Garrus asked as she joined him in the doorway. "I've arranged transport for us. It will take us back to the Flotilla – I finally got the coordinates from Anderson."

"Thank you Garrus, but you don't have to come with me."

"I want to Tali. It's the least I can do after..." He said, cutting off whatever he'd been about to say.

"Alright Garrus. In that case, thank you."

Together they moved to the doorway and were about to step through when Tali felt a hand on her shoulder. Turning, she was surprised to see Kaidan there, his eyes filled with sadness.

"Thank you Tali." He said softly before averting his eyes and pushing past her, disappearing into the crowd of people leaving the service.

"What was that about?" Garrus asked, watching Kaidan's retreating form.

""Shepard." Tali said quietly. "Let's go Garrus. I'm ready to go home now."