"JOBI WILLFORD PÖÖP!"
Jobi's eyes widened at the awful sound of a woman's voice. Mainly because he recognized that voice. Vivian.
He turned around and cringed. She was covered in burn marks and had a furious look on her face. He couldn't blame her. After all, he did give her a bomb which exploded in her face.
He mustered a fake smile on his face. "Vivi! My lovely ex girlfriend who I sincerely regret breaking up with. How are you this fine evening?" He winked at her. That didn't help at all; if anything, it only made her even angrier than she was before. She slapped him across the face and began ranting.
"YOU HANDED ME A BOMB AND YOU DARE TO SPEAK TO ME LIKE WE'RE STILL DATING?! YOU DISGUSTING MONSTER! I HATE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART! UGH! She takes a breath and then continues in a much calmer voice. "Jobi. You're an awful person who I hate very much. As I mentioned, you have me a bomb. I also overheard you saying you lost a human baby. I won't tell the police about either of those things...if you pretend to be my boyfriend. You were definitely my last resort, you revolting moron, but my other ex boyfriend got a new girlfriend and I want him to think I'm in a relationship too. I'll go on the trip with you to find the baby."
He blinked. "Well, dang. I hate you too, Vivian, you naked mole rat, but I don't want to go to jail. Fuck. Okay, I'll pretend to be your boyfriend and you can go on the trip with me. But no kissing. Kissing you would be like kissing a cactus–painful. Or like kissing a snake. Wait, you are a snake."
She scowled. "If you don't shut you big mouth, I'll just call the police."
His eyes widen. "Hell no. Let's get going."
YOU ARE READING
Jobi the poop
RandomThe adventures of a piece of poop named Jobi. © "Jobi the poop" was created by @i_love_ralph_macchio. This story is mine, the main character is not. And I'm warning you, this story is really stupid.
