Jobi the poop

14 (('Shit, that WASN'T a loan!'))

The HMPHF was finished a few days later-he had hired a ton of construction workers and had forced them to work 24/7 until the building was completed. They kept their word and did it.

It was the Grand Opening Celebration...and nobody was there. Needless to say, Jobi was extremely pissed off. "Why won't these assholes just come and gimme their money so I can become rich and make a profit outta this museum?!" he asked irritatingly. He was sitting on a lawn chair next to Jabi, who was staring blankly into space.

Suddenly, a woman walked up to the museum, pointing at Jobi. "Jobi!" she screamed. "I've found you at last!"

He opened his eyes and lifted his sunglasses up. "You want an autograph, woman? Make it quick and bring your poster over here, then."

She scowled. "I don't want any fucking autographs, you sly little piece of shit! You stole my money and used it to build this museum, and I want it back!"

"Shit, so that wasn't a loan then...I asked if I could take all your money, and you said 'fuck it'."

"When I said 'fuck it' I was talking about how much I cared about education and healthcare–wait, shit, forget I said that. Anyways, GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK, JOBI THE POOP!"

He narrowed his eyes. "Why would I give it back? You're just a basic piece of shi..." He stopped as his eyes widened in horror. "Oh shit, Hillary Clinton."

"That's right, Jobi!" she screeched. "I'm Hillary, and I want my money back! If I don't get it back I'll disqualify you from the race!"

"No way! You wouldn't!" He panicked, trying to find out how to get rid of her. He needed to sacrifice someone. Someone Hillary absolutely despised. Then he had an idea.

He dialed a number he had memorized, and a moment later a car pulled up. A woman got out of it, cackling as she looked at Hillary. "Hey there Hillary, miss me?"

Hillary let out a loud scream of anger. "MMMMMOOOOOONNNNNIIIIIICCCCCAAAAA!"

She smiled. "Man, just wanted to let you know, congrats on getting Bill. Nearly 20 years later and he's still good in bed." She winked at Hillary.

"WHAT?!" she exclaimed. She began chasing after Hillary. Jobi immediately grabbed Jabi, hopped into his car, and drove off faster than the speed of light.

"Phew," he said as he stopped at a red light about 10 minutes later. He suddenly gasped. "M-Monica sacrificed herself for us...wow. Poor her." He blinked, then turned to Jabi. "Wanna stop at a Strip Club?"