"Well, well, well," Vivian snapped, her eyes narrowed as she spoke in her nasally voice, "look who it is. Jobi, my ex-boyfriend. What in the world are you doing here?"
"You idiot! What are YOU doing here? You're the one who came to my house!" He scowled at her, crossing his arms. Well, he would, if he had arms. "So you have to answer the question now, Vivian–what are you doing here, at my house, looking ugly, as usual?"
A smirk appeared on her face. "Well, Jobi, you may not recall this, but we were dating–"
He gasped. "Wow!!!!!! Really?????? I had no idea we were dating!!!!!!! Yes, Vivian, I know we were. Get to the point."
She rolled her eyes. "I was speaking, idiot! So, while we were dating, you said you were gonna run for President in the future. You know what else you said? That I get half of what you earn from your campaign."
His eyes widened. "WHAT?!?!?!?!?! No, I didn't! Why you always lyin', Vivian? I never said that to you. You're definitely lying."
She took out a VHS tape and put it in his TV. Jobi and Vivian appeared on the screen. "–Yes, of course, babe! When I run for President, I'll give you half of whatever I earn from my campaign!" The screen went blank, and Vivian turned to Jobi as she started laughing like mad. "Told you, Jobi! Now, I want half of whatever you have right now. I'm waiting."
He cursed under his breath, then turned to Vivian with a calm and collected smile. "$&!/, you &$(-¡." He sighed. "You know what, Vivian? Fine. I'll give you half of the money." He walked into another room as Vivian waited, a grin on her face.
Jobi walked back over to Vivian with a bag. "Here, Vivian," he said, a frown on his face. "There. It's half of the money. That's why the bag's so heavy. Just take it and leave!"
She screamed. "THANKS, IDIOT!!!! ADIOS!!!!!" She skipped outside, and opened the bag when she was a fair distance from Jobi's house. "Hey, wait a minute! This isn't money! This is a–"
She and the bag both exploded.
Jobi started laughing again. He went to his bedroom and began binge-watching How I Met Your Mother.
Everything was right in the world.
Or so Jobi thought...
YOU ARE READING
Jobi the poop
RandomThe adventures of a piece of poop named Jobi. © "Jobi the poop" was created by @i_love_ralph_macchio. This story is mine, the main character is not. And I'm warning you, this story is really stupid.
