Battle Scars - Lams

23; Do I mean anything to you

Laurens had thought about avoiding the problem, pretending it had never happened. But he realised that's not how relationships work. He had to talk to Hamilton.

To be honest, Laurens was pretty fucking pissed. But he managed to stay calm and he knocked on Hamilton's dorm door.

As Hamilton opened it, Laurens felt a horrible, churning feeling in his stomach. But he just took a deep breath in to remain calm.

"Hamilton, we really need to talk."

Hamilton furrowed his eyebrows and let Laurens in.

"What's up?"

Laurens sighed and looked at Hamilton, "You remember Jefferson's party yesterday, right?"

Hamilton nodded his head, looking confused as hell.

"Well, I went looking for a drink and I- uh, fuck," Laurens words became shaky, just as his hands did, "I saw you making it with-with Maria?"

Laurens was completely ready to cry. This was a lot to handle, and he was quite sensitive.

"What?"

"You-you and her were making out I-I saw you!"

Just at that moment, Hamilton's face went completely white.

"Fuck, I was drunk and I didn't know what I was doing an-"

"That's no excuse! Drunk or not, you-you shouldn't have done that!"

"I know Laurens, I'm sorry! If I could take it back I would."

"Do I even mean anything to you? Am I just a toy?"

Laurens was actually sobbing at that point, his words coming out jumbled and slurred, but Hamilton still able to hear them.

"You're not a toy Laurens. You mean so goddamn much to me."

"Then why'd you do it? And don't say you were drunk, that's not an excuse."

"I... Don't know. I don't know!"

Laurens buried his head in his hands and let out loud sobs. He really didn't want this. He didn't want his boyfriend to do that.

"I'm sorry Laurens, I'm sorry. I really am and I know sorry won't fix anything and I know you need time but I love you."

"I feel like I don't even know you anymore."

"Hey, Laurens, do you remember when we were little, we used to go out at night and pick the prettiest flowers."

Laurens clutched his head tightly and sobbed louder. No no no no no no no.

"Please, Hamilton, st-"

"No, let me talk to you. We'd used to pick the prettiest flowers and then give them to each other every night. When I left, I kept those flowers."

"Please, please, stop, I can't do this."

"Laurens, I do love you. I love you so much."

"Fuck off fuck off fuck off!"

Hamilton sighed softly, "you don't have to forgive me, because my action was horrible. But I really do love you. I'm so sorry."

"Hamilton I just- I thought I could trust you."

Hamilton sighed softly, "I know, I understand. I'm not going to force you to trust me. We don't even have to date if you'd like. We can take a break, if that's what you need."

"No I- it's okay. I just, I don't get it."

Hamilton sighed and embraced Laurens, who didn't hug back. John was tense, and didn't move.

"I'm sorry. I get that you don't trust me, because what I did was horrible. I was drunk though. It was dark and I could barely see, and I had too many drinks. I'm so sorry."

Laurens sighed, "I accept your apology, but it's not okay."

Hamilton nodded, "I know, I know. I just, do you need time?"

Laurens nodded, "Yeah, I do. I have to go, I'll see you around."

* * *

Laurens sighed as he flopped onto his bed. Seabury was studying again, but would turn around every now and then to check on his friend.

"You okay?"

Laurens nodded, "Yeah, just need to think."

Just need to think.

* * *

God this is gross.

Hey be on the lookout because I'm gonna be making a Laubury (Laurens x Seabury) FANFIC BOII (if you ever make fanart for THAG ship of a fanfiction I will love you forever okay)

Lmao but yeah this is shit forgive me

Ily xoxo