Battle Scars - Lams

12; Accept yourself

It was the day after Laurens and Hamilton had forgiven each other and Laurens was having a terrible fucking day.

Seabury had missed class to look after him because Laurens was that upset.

He usually didn't get this upset over things, but this was major. This could destroy his family and everyone he loved.

He thought he was gay.

And he knew that was alright, but he had grown up thinking it was a sin, due to overly religious parents. He was scared, so, so, scared.

He wasn't scared of going to hell, because to be honest he didn't believe in it, but he was scared of his fathers reaction.

"Laurens, you don't even have to tell him. I never told my dad."

"But that's different! My dad somehow knows everything! He's bound to find out I-can't I can't do this."

Laurens sobbed into his hands. He couldn't do it. There was too much stress, to many exams, to many problems. He just wanted to sleep forever, he didn't want to wake up.

Seabury sighed and hugged his friend.

"Laurens, listen. He won't find out. Your dad is a complete asshole if he thinks it's bad that your gay, and you don't even have to talk to him because you're an adult now. You can move to fucking Australia and never see him again!"

"I know it's just," Laurens sniffed, "I don't want him to be disappointed in me. All my life I've been trying to impress him, I mean fuck! The only reason I came here was because he wanted me to. I just don't want to see his reaction if he finds out."

Seabury pulled away and smiled weakly, "Hey, it'll be fine. You've got friends to support you, right? And you've also got me, that one dickhead that you talk to."

"You're my friend too, you know."

"Psh, yeah, you are too. I mean, I could've gone to school and seen my not-yet boyfriend Charles Lee, but I stayed here with you."

"Aw, you like Charles Lee."

Seabury snorted, "Uh, yeah, I do. I thought it was obvious?"

"Nah." Laurens shook his head and sighed softly.

"You should get some sleep."

"Mm, yeah." Laurens nodded his head and flopped onto his bed.

* * *

When Hamilton had finished his classes, he decided to invite Eliza to his dorm just to talk. He hardly knew her and wanted to know more.

"So, Eliza, tell me about yourself."

"There's not much too me. I have two sisters and I work at an orphanage."

"Really? I would've never guessed it."

"Yeah, there's this cute little boy called Phillip there. Man, I just want to adopt him."

Hamilton chuckled softly.

"What about you Hamilton? You're pretty mysterious. Let's hear about your past, hm?"

"I don't really remember much of my past."

"Well try! Come on, think. You'd think in that big brain of yours you'd have space for memories."

"Alright, I'll try."

So, Hamilton thought. He tried to think back to before he moved to the Carribean. And then it hit him.

"I think I used to be friends with John Laurens when I was five."

"So you did know him!"

"Eliza oh my fucking god, the guy that I have a crush on was my boyfriend when I was five."

"Wait, so you're telling me you had a boyfriend when you were five?"

"Well it wasn't really a boyfriend thing, but we just really really like each other, not just in a friend way."

"That's really fucking adorable."

"How do I tell him? Do I just go up to him, 'hey, I knew you'."

"I don't fucking know Alexander! You're the one that's good with words!"

"Eliza, my old friend that I had a crush on and still do is a guy that I was literally just fighting with and just forgave. How am I supposed to tell him I used to know him without it being awkward."

"Maybe just let him figure it out? Drop little hints here and there but let him remember."

Hamilton nodded his head slightly, "Alright, but you know, if this plan backfires I'm blaming it on you, okay?"

"Yeah, that seems fair, alright."

* * *

WOWOW

he finally remembered

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