𝑾𝒊𝒍𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝑫𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒎𝒔 [ 𝐶𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑒𝑡𝑒𝑑 ]

Wildest Dreams - 45

"And by gods, I want to be held by you. Nothing more could bring my heart such warmth. You are the essence of tactility, my lover. I could swear my skin is burning and going numb, minute by minute. Every time you touch me, I am less and I am more. Your hand on my thigh and the name is limitless.”

I stretch the definition of poetry for you. The meaning of life, and heartbreaks earned when loving. You were so much more than the word beauty itself, yet a lot more than how pain should feel as it is. My soul collapsed whenever you land a fingertip on me, inch by inch, my atoms formed a pathway following your traces. For a fleeting moment, whenever you smile and talk about what interested you, they illuminated together with the butterflies residing in my daydreams. There, my mind wonders, about how could someone look so heavenly with an arrow on his chest, drenching in blood while reaching out for the sky. there is an absolute truth to that, you were made of abstract paintings, and infinite numbers that tires me when I tried to spend my nights counting from one to never-endings. You were an aristocratic statue that overjoyed when a beautiful sunset appears, drunk coffee of not more than five cups, and suffered over a piano piece you stumbled upon when you were lonely. You curled upon your bed space at night, while in opposite worlds, we both wished to touch the twinkling stars and collided the exact moment sun and moon impacted. To merge with you, endlessly, like planets infinitely orbiting around the axis, appeared to be the irony of our reality.
Oddly, what was the confiding truth behind our eyes? One could touch a sky and it would turn to the most exquisite way it would be, one could touch a soul and it would alter the decaying band aids to growing potpourri potions and lavender scents. Aga, I want to be held by you, desperately that I cry just by thinking of your footsteps leaving the place we used to reside in and make the best of ourselves. Every time our soul interconnects, a part of me feels something I cannot name, like a nostalgia I keep on thinking of to recall where did that come from. You were divine, and there’s always this glowing iridescent of hope that keeps me living. Our names are cosmic, boundless, starting to sound alike the metaphors played by our favorite poet. And when our eyes remained gazing at each other’s pupil, the time just stops. It just stops. Everything rewinds, or fast forward, unfathomable. In one pivotal perception, why’d you refuse to touch me when I already start feeling the ray of sunshine against my body? I couldn’t decipher why you always step away and run from the gardens we have bloomed in every moment I feel like kissing you. And i’d be dying alone with inconsistencies. Maybe this is the irony, I wanted to be touched and caressed by the god’s son who watched me suffer in rumination wishing to be deprived about his existence. I call your heart home, a safe haven to run from because you have promised that none of us will get tired of each other. To take this question, have you ever loved me? Have the songs I recommend took place in your soul? Did you find the same warmth I offered to enlighten your depressive episodes? Have you ever thought of how deep the wounds you have gave me? Was I just a temporary solace when you can’t find a perfect piece to fill you? Am I not enough in those memories that you have a hard time remembering? It is this day, when our memories will no longer reek of tactility, but a sense of scent that lingers not any sooner. I am made up of sentiments by a man that made me less and more when I was with him. Memoirs I tend to keep it myself, its dilemma between forgetting and wanting him, its repeated chaos of being hungry and needy to feel your touch again. It is true, I have loved you above everything else in this world. And even with your death, it is you... it will always be you.

Lea stood in a corner the moment she saw that someone was reading her letter. It was written 16 years ago and has been kept for that long. She never dared to keep it out of the box - it was a secret for her. A secret that she was not ready to unveil yet.

"What are you doing?" She asked, almost yelling as she take the letter away.

"I was just reading it."

She left out a tsk. "I keep it in that box. That means it shouldn't be taken out, Aga!"

"I'm sorry..."

Lea shook her head as she got the box and put the letter back. She sat on the bed, trying to fix everything inside. She got so irritated that someone got the lettee out of its box - so irritated that she was crying silently.

"Mom, I'm sorry."

"Aga please, you go out."

Aga sat on her side. "Who is that other 'Aga' you are talking about?" He asked in a tone Lea didn't knew he had.

Lea wiped her eyes. She then stood from the bed and put the box from where it was taken. She was about to go out of the room when he held her hand, stopping her from doing so.

"Mom, I want the truth... please."

And hearing those words, everything resurfaced back. Lea broke down, fell on the floor as she cried her lungs out. Aga looked at his mother, hugged her as he tried to hush her down. For 16 years, he never felt a love from her mother. He was incomplete, still he understood because even if he didn't know, he could sensed that his mother was not complete at all.

"Aga, I'm sorry." A full of tears Lea mumbled as she hugged his son. "I'm sorry for being so hard on you. I know I am not a mother to you... I'm just scared... so scared that I might be left again." Lea cried.

"Mom, I'm not leaving you."

"I know, baby, I know." She replied. "I'm sorry. Mommy is really sorry."

Then it was followed by a huge silence. It took a few minutes before Lea stopped. Both were just sitting on the floor, comforting each other. For Aga, it was the first his mother hugged him. As a child he never got to experience those affection coming from a mother. Lea was right, she never was a mother to him.

"Mom, is he?"

Lea looked at Aga.

"Is he my dad? Is Aga my dad?"

Lea smiled as she gave him a subtle nod.

"Where is he?"

Lea sighed. She then held Aga's hands as she looked at him right at his eyes.

"He's in my wildest dreams, Aga. And you, you may not know it but your father is always with you. Remember that."

End

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Hey guys! It has been so long that I almost forget about this, really. I've been too busy with school stuff that's why I was on hiatus. I know this ain't the perfect ending, but my mind could not process another one. Despite that, I want to thank you all for being with me. I am so happy to have all of you. It's almost Christmas. I wish everyone a merry christmas! Say goodbye to the bad vibes of 2020! This has been Wildest Dreams, thank you!