Everything That Could Have Been

Audrey

Audrey

                Looks like the news of what happened in the drama theatre spread like wild fire. But of course the story twisted a lot, funny thing is, some people ‘claim’ to have seen me in the mirror. Forget them, Halloween is coming, that’s when I’ll make my appearance, if I can. I get up from under the tree and made my way out of the park. It’s a school day so it’s empty and quiet. I can’t think of what to do to Dedrick and Cheyenne. Since the incident, they’ve been surrounding themselves with people. Probably scared I kill them or something, though that’s not possible. I should just lay low for a while. I was planning on waiting outside the school but I got bored very quickly so I decided to drop in. What class is Cheyenne having now? I can’t remember. Oh well, might as well drop in on all the classes, maybe refresh my memory a little.

            Is this Geography? A blonde hipster lunges over her desk, doodling in her notebook, a few seats from her a pissed off guy watches her. They look familiar, they were my group mates right? Kaleb? Saffire? No, uhh…I walked in and leaned over the blonde girl. I realized she wasn’t doodling, she was scribbling song lyrics! I backed away, giving her privacy and leaving her in her own world of music. I went over to the guy who’s been staring at her, he isn’t doing a good job of being discreet. A switch flipped and I said to myself, “Kaelan…” Right, they were my group mates, Saffron and Kaelan. Memories of our time as a group came swarming back, the picnic and the short discussions we had. “Like I have known you forever…” I remembered saying this to Kaelan though I can’t remember why. I’ve seen him a few times before and I smiled. Sometimes he’d smile back. Why is he staring at Saffron though? Maybe she’s mad about the project? I don’t know. I didn’t come in here to bother about schoolwork.

            I passed by a few more classrooms and peaked into them, finally I reached the science block and right in Chemistry room 1, I see them both. Changed lab partners huh? Next to woodshop, this is the worst place to have an ‘accident’. I walked into the lab listening to the Professor drag on about lab safety.  Chemical burn, acid burn, explosions, but that all depends on the chemicals distributed right? My eyes landed on the space beside the teacher’s table. The showers, to be used when toxic or poisonous chemicals come into contact with the body. Perfect. Embarrassment is the worst thing for a cheerleader. Just before Halloween too, so much for showing off her clear skin. Let’s hop over to see what chemicals we’re playing with today. There’s sodium hydroxide and hydrochloric acid, undiluted. I took an empty seat at the back of the class and watched them. Dedrick had his hands in Cheyenne’s. I remembered when we used to do that together, and then I remember the reason why I’m here and got up from my seat. Cheyenne had her hair tied up in a loose bun, some of her long hair falling forward over her shoulder. “A girl’s hair is her life” she once said. She let this happen to herself. She shouldn’t have deceived me, she shouldn’t have played around. If her hair is her life, I’m gonna let it burn.

            She held up the chemical with a manicured right hand and lightly swished the liquid around, after recording her observations she placed it in front of herself. Her hair just slightly touches the mouth of the beaker. I leaned towards her and blew her ear, hoping to get her hair into the beaker. She swatted the space thinking it was a fly. I tugged at her loose hairband and it fell off, she didn’t even notice. I went to her left side and poked her left arm, she turned to look at Dedrick, smiling. Idiot. I shifted her hair and carefully placed some of her hair into the beaker. It absorbed the chemical. Cheyenne shifted her focus back to the chemical. I watched her eyes widen with shock. She let out a scream. She panicked and in that moment of shock, she got up a little too shock, sweeping the beaker of the lab table, spilling the acid on her right arm and breaking the class beaker. “Spilt acid!” someone shouted. The Professor made his way to Cheyenne and escorted her to the shower unit. “Stay away from the spilt chemical!” he yells at Dedrick. As the showers came on, the stunned expression on the other students’ faces turned to curiosity, and then they burst out laughing. The shower unit soon fogged up and Cheyenne’s screaming soon died down. She came out soaking wet. Dedrick looked away in embarrassment. The Professor tried to calm the class down but the effort was futile as the snickering got louder after everyone saw her black laced bra through her white shirt. They pointed and laughed. You should have seen the look on Cheyenne’s face. Her face was red and she stormed out of the lab leaving a wet trail behind her and the Professor yelling at her to “come back this instant!” My work here is done.

            “Girls are not meant to fight dirty” the same disembodied voice whispered. I looked around the lab, everyone was laughing. No one could have said that.

~

            “What kind of party is that?” someone exclaims. I was in the cafeteria. There’s some excitement going on at Mike Jayden’s table. “You heard me! A paper-bag party, best bag wins a bottle of my dad’s wine.” By now everyone had their eyes on that table and were listening in to their conversation. Mike Jayden then stands up on the lunch table. “Hey guys! My folks will be out the rest of this month. Party on Halloween, paper-bag over your head is your invitation, no taking it off! Best paper-bag design gets a special gift from me!” He sits back down and receives a couple of pats on the back by his friends. The cafeteria broke out in hushed voices. A paper-bag party is stupid. Why not just wear a pumpkin then? A paper-bag is a cheap costume, where’s the spirit? I’m so done with all this, materialistic, superficial life of being in high school. I walked out of the school doors and made my way home. I don’t even know where I am supposed to go since I don’t belong anywhere. Why can’t I see anyone else here? I can’t be the only dead person right?

            The house was empty, mother probably started going to work again. That’s nice, I didn’t want her to keep being upset over my death, life has to go on right? The box of tapes was still left next to the couch. I have the time, so why not watch a few clips? I took the one recorded when I was 6. The tape started rolling.

            “Why are you filming us?” a younger me said to the camera with her hands on her hips.

            “Just for fun dear!” said the person behind the camera, probably mother.

            “Kael is gonna think I’m weird!” I said back to the camera. I was holding an apple, dressed in pink shorts and a white shirt. We were going to the beach. I couldn’t catch the name right but I know it started with the letter ‘K’. I don’t remember anyone whose name started with ‘K’, at least not anyone from my childhood. Then again, my childhood is a shattered mess, I can’t even remember what happened when I was 7. “Can we go to the beach yet?” I sounded bored, I was restless. I started eating my apple.

            “Alright alright let’s put some sunblock on you first.”

            The film went on, I don’t remember most of what had happened. A boy runs up to the camera saying “look what I found!” He holds up a handful of seashells. His green eyes looking bright and his expression happy. He really looks familiar, I know he is that boy from my dreams but I think I’ve seen him before, in school maybe. What happened to us? If we were so close, why isn’t he the one to hold me when I’m down? Why was it Cheyenne and Dedrick? Look what happened, they dropped me and now I’m just left wandering. But this isn’t the time to blame anyone else. According to the calendar in the kitchen, my funeral is tomorrow. Maybe he’d be there. I took out the tape and placed the tape where I last found it.

            The attic. Maybe that’s where I’ll find my lost memories.

            That attic was dusty as ever, it was as if a century had passed since I last came in here. The box labelled ‘Audrey’s stuff BOX 7’ sat in the center of the attic, waiting to be explored. I dove straight for the box. I took out all the photographs and started flipping through them. Most of the photos were taken at the beach, I did love the beach so that made sense. But I don’t remember drinking pink lemonade, holding out seaweed in a light blue swimsuit. I remembered having the swimsuit but I can’t remember when I actually wore it. The boy was in most of these photos too. In one of these photos we had matching T-shirts. Why can’t I remember any of this? Sweet memories and I can’t remember them? That’s not even fair! I wanted to flip the box, I wanted to yell and scream. But most of all, I wanted company, I wanted someone to see me, to reach out to me. I want all this to really end, I want to pass on, I don’t wanna be stuck here.