Introversions

Stars

"All the pretty stars
Shine for you my love.

Am I that girl
That you dream of?"

Summer nights. They consist of the cold yet warm embrace of the world, the gentle emptiness of the world, pondering and you.

My phone read 2:08am. I'm not tired. Not when all my pondering is about you. About me. About the possibility of us.

The gentle winds rushed past, the plants and trees rustled, the faint sound of few cars in the distance.

It was another one of those nights.

One where I would venture beyond the city to sit on the hill.

The place where the stars aren't interrupted.

They shine so bright.

"You are what makes me shine. You make everyone shine. You belong up there, shining like you always do."

The sigh escapes my lips as I recall your words.

Liar
The word echoes so softly yet bitterly along the wind.

If I was something that shines, I would only be a flickering piece of glass. If I was a star, I would be the dimmest of them all. The one directly in view of the city, yet never shining.

"I'll wait for you, babe
That's all I do, babe
You don't come through
You never do

Because
I'm pretty when I cry
I'm pretty when I cry
Because I'm pretty when I cry"

It was all those times you would say to me how you could never be with me. All those rejections.

This is the torture you put me through. All the time you never realise what you say.

It's those moments when my heart stops.

Like the gears of an old clock. They rust. They come to a stop. 

The screeching of metal scratching metal.
Nails on blackboards
The worst kinds of white noise

And then that's when I break down

The moment when my body breaks down and I'm left still and frozen.

"I can't do it
I can't do it

But you do it best.

Because I'm pretty when I cry."

All you do is leave me among the dust. This is where I reside. The cold darkness of the summer night.

The hill upon which we spent our time together.

What was it you were trying to do?

"Lean a little closer."

"Why?"

"I have a secret to tell you."

"Tell me."

"All the pretty stars, they shine for you not for me. But all of the stars are nothing compared to you."

The last words you spoke were just small echoey whispers.

The last words you spoke to me before they dragged you away.

The last words I spoke to you would be the last.

"Nothing can last forever.
If you can't manage to stay
I can't bear the thought of loving you."

I don't care what you have to say.

All I need is an apology.

I don't need your sympathy
I don't need those little touches
I don't need the small smiles

But this time you grab my attention.

"I was meant to say one thing before I left."

"I think you were supposed to say many things."

"I know now, I know."

"No. You don't know and you never will."

"I came here to apologise"

"So then, do it."

"Look at me."

"Why are you doing this?"

"I'm sorry."
The words were small whispers barely reaching my ears as the tears ran down your cheeks.

"There's one thing I forgot to mention."

"Okay."

It was that smile. The one you used to give me.
"Lean closer."

"I don't need to because we already are."

"Then answer me this. Would you accept this?"

It was in that moment the gentle yet overwhelming sweetness of your rosy lipgloss touched my chapped lips.

What was once broken was revived.

The wheels and cranks began to turn again, the rust wearing away.
My body no longer frozen
My lips no longer dry
The tears that adorned our cheeks wiped away

Slowly, closing the final gap between us, our hands joined together.

Nothing lasts forever.

Together we pulled away, our warm breaths mixing together with the cold summer night.

The grass wavered around us and the stars flickered above us.

That is when we descended  to the city below.

We didn't need the stars anymore

Because we have each other.