I Found You, Something Told Me To Stay - (Jason Berry/Zacky Vengeance)

Chapter Four.

“When?” I practically screeched, my voiced echoing through the house as she flinched. “When have you ever been there for me? I’ve always been there for you! The first time I remember trying to tear you away from the bottle and drag you up the stairs to bed was when I was five, mum!”

This just made her cry harder, and she stood, shaking as she sobbed into her hands. I stared at her in disgust as my tears finally began to make their way down my cheeks.

“I would’ve had a better life with him, wouldn’t I?” I coldly said, my voice now quiet. “A better upbringing.”

This made her look up at me, teary-eyed and struggling to hold onto the cigarette due to how much her hands were shaking. She tried to shake her head, but I knew she couldn’t. She kept opening and shutting her mouth, but no words came out.

“I would, wouldn’t I?” I insisted, nodding frantically. I just wanted her to admit it herself, and I don’t think I could stop until she did.

Of course, she hesitated for a second. It seemed like ages before she squeezed her eyes shut, tears falling to the floor as she looked down and nodded.

“Yeah.” She managed to whisper. “You probably would’ve done.”

“I knew it.” I clenched my teeth, the harsh reality hitting me even more. I cringed as more tears began to fall, hating that I was crying. “Fuck!”

She watched my anger build again as I slammed my fist against the wall, my breath shaking in my throat as I sobbed quietly.

It was then that I began to jump into action, knowing that it wasn’t the slightest bit possible to leave things how they were. Something needed to be done about the situation. I needed to talk to my real father.

“I can’t stay in this house any longer.” I announced, looking around as if I was looking for something. “I can’t be here anymore, I need to leave.”

“No!” She instantly begged, stepping forward and grabbing onto my arm. “Midgey, please don’t leave me.”

“Get off.” I snapped, trying to pull my arm away. I didn’t succeed. “I’m not staying here anymore.”

“I knew it!” She buried her head into my shoulder, her tears wetting my shirt. “I knew you were going to leave me, that’s why I didn’t tell you!”

“What did you think I was going to do? Congratulate you for keeping it from me for so many years?” My sarcasm just made her cry even harder, but I ignored it, finally managing to rip myself out of her grasp and wander out of the room.

She quickly followed, crying loudly and pleading with me as I walked around.

“Midgey, I’ll get help, I promise.” She said, taking hold of my shoulder again. “I promise I will, and then we can go back to normal. Just you and me!”

“It was never normal!” I shouted, stopping and turning around to glare at her. “My life has never been normal and it’s your fault! I hate you!”

She stopped altogether then. Her sobbing had halted, but her tears were still falling as she stood in what looked like some sort of freeze frame, staring at me in shock.

“No.” She shook her head. “No, you don’t mean that.”

“Trust me.” I said back at her. “I do. And I’m getting my stuff together and leaving.”

“You can’t!” She sobbed, falling her knees. “I need you, Midge! You’re all I’ve got!”

I stared down at her, tears forming in my eyes as I watched her cry. The sight of her crying used to kill me so much. Now, I honestly couldn’t help but hate her.

“You’re all I have.” She kept repeating, looking up at me. “You can’t do this to me.”

I was sobbing for just a moment, before anger combined with the upset and I clenched my teeth.

“Stop it!” I screamed down at her. “Stop saying that like it’s my fault!”

“I can’t lose y—‘’

“Look at what you’ve done to my life!” I interrupted, now sobbing more than she was. “Look at what you’re doing to me! All these years of lies and pain! You’re playing with my head; I can’t take it anymore!” I paused as I wiped at my eyes, but I was no way near done. “This is all down to you, it’s your fault! Stop making me feel your pain! Why should I have my head fucked with because of you? Is it fair, mum? Is it all fair?”

She was only quietly sobbing now, still knelt on the floor and staring up at me. With tears rolling down her cheeks, she shook her head in reply, unable to speak the words.

“I didn’t think so.” I whispered.

My crying increased as I continued to stare at her, not really believing how much had changed in the space of a few days.

But I knew one thing. I needed to do something about it now.

“I’m done here!” I yelled angrily through my cries, turning and punching the wall before I made my way up the stairs.

And as soon as I knew where I was going, I would leave.