Default State Of Being

8

It'd been days since Kyungsoo ran out on Jongin and neither party had made an attempt to contact the other. Kyungsoo was never fully aware of how much Jongin had snaked his way into his life until he just wasn't there anymore. He's unable to concentrate on his work because the background noise of Jongin either playing with CB or raiding his kitchen wasn't breaking the silence. The short trip to the coffee shop down the block was far more lonely and he found himself balling his empty hand in his pocket because it felt so wrong to not be holding on to Jongin. He missed their shoulders brushing and the younger man randomly kissing him and bouncing back out of range when Kyungsoo would try to swat at him. Most of all, he discovered, he missed his warmth. Everything was too cold and uncomfortable without the other man at his side.

More often than not, he found himself thinking of Jongin without meaning to. He went grocery shopping and habitually bought the sugary cereal and soda Jongin was addicted to. Walking passed a clothing store, he'd stop and admire how a pair of jeans would look hanging off Jongin's hips or how beautifully that cream colored shirt would contrast against his skin. He'd even gotten half way to the register before remembering Jongin wasn't there anymore. He bought the shirt anyway.

CB seemed to be taking it just as hard. The first few days Jongin hadn't shown up, she sat in front of the door, head bowed as if she was expecting him to burst through any moment. When it was apparent he wasn't coming, she curled up on the floor where Jongin's shoes usually went and refused to move. Kyungsoo had tried to coax her away with new toys and treats, but she wouldn't budge. She missed Jongin. And Kyungsoo did too.

He'd thought maybe Jongin would pop in by now, apologize or at least act as if nothing had happened. But he was wrong - again. He's been making a habit of being wrong lately. Jongin was known for getting over things quickly, a quality Kyungsoo had once viewed with disdain, but now he wished it would kick him in the ass. And he doesn't have the guts to go to Jongin first despite the incessant gnawing in his chest.

This was different than with Joonmyun. When he'd left, Kyungsoo had felt like he was worthless and self consciousness took over, forcing him to pull away from everyone. But this - with Jongin gone he felt like a piece of himself was simply missing. Even normal things he did everyday were not as fulfilling or as complete as they used to be. And his heart ached.

"I've been dealing with whiny bitch Jongin for nine days. You owe me lunch." Kris sounded a little frazzled and Kyungsoo let the first laugh he'd had in days bubble out. He could practically hear the scowl on Kris' face from the other side of the phone. It was admittedly nice hearing that gruff voice again even though he'd been the one to stop answering his phone after the fight. He couldn't help but still think of Kris and Baekhyun and Chanyeol as Jongin's friends, not his. If it weren't for Jongin, he wouldn't have them.

"Alright," he said, finally giving in with a smile still on his face. "Give me an hour."

After a grumbled acquiescence from Kris, Kyungsoo hung up the phone and made a mad dash for the shower. He scrubbed harder than usual, determined to wash away the dirt from his lack of bathing the last few days. It's not that he did it on purpose, but he'd been so caught up in his own head that simple things like cleaning and personal hygiene kind of took a back seat. And it's not like he'd been doing much to get dirty anyway now that Jongin wasn't around.

"You look like shit," was the first thing Kris said upon seeing the younger man, letting the words slip out before the pair even had a chance to sit down. Kyungsoo turned to leave, but Kris grabbed him by the arm and spun him around. "I'm only kidding. Mostly." Now it's Kyungsoo scowling as he plopped down at the table for two, arms folded and legs crossed.