Even When I Can't Be Remembered

Kabanata 22: The way it feels to be

Kabanata 22| Hera

Napahagulgol ako ng wala pa ring nangyayari. Muli Kong inapakan iyong break, it's not working. Damn.

Mabilis Kong kinuha ang maliit na Bibliya mula sa small compartment habang hawak ko ang manibela.

Oh, God! Please help me. Bakit ganito? Bakit kailangang mangyari pa ito? Kung saan masaya na kami, saka naman...

"AAAH!" I shrieked ng mamataan ko ang isang malaking truck na babangga na sa akin. I quickly manuevered my car, but it only worsen the situation.

Hindi man ako nabangga ng truck, nahulog naman ako sa bangin. Dahil sa ginawa kong pag-iwas hindi ko man lamang napansin na dead end na iyong daan.

I hugged my Bible at saka patuloy na nagdarasal.

Bakit nga ba nangyari sa akin ito? Paano ba ako napunta sa ganitong sitwasyon? A while ago me, my son and Zeus were happily bonding in the park.

But everything changes in just a blink of an eye. Napakabilis ng pangyayari, ang alam ko lang ay nagpupuyos ang puso ko sa galit Kay Zeus.

Pumikit ako ng mariin at muling inalala ang mga pangyayari kanina.

I CHUCKLED to myself ng makita Kong masayang naghaharutan ang mag-ama ko. Oo, mag-ama ko. I will risk again, not for me, but for my son. Ayoko namang, lumaki ang anak ko ng walang ama.

Today, we planned to go to the park near the subdivision. I prepared a small picnic for us habang pinaliliguan ni Zeus si Helios kanina.

Dalawang linggo na ang nakararaan mula ng may nangyari muli sa amin ni Zeus, matapos noon ay wala na uling nangyari sa amin.

We take things slowly, and sex doesn't included. Zeus agreed on my request, gusto ko kasing wala munang sex na involved.

But after what happened between me and Zeus, he become extra sweeter, gone the control and uptight Zeus. He become more attentive to me and my son, kahit na alam Kong busy siya sa kaniyang trabaho ay lagi pa din siyang nasa tabi namin, fulfilling his fatherly and husband duties.

And I am so happy to see that Zeus is slowly changing. Unti-unti Kong nakikita ang mga changes sa kanya. But the only thing that didn't change is Zeus over possessive and protective attitude. Kung tutuusin ay mas lalo pa siyang naging possessive na ultimo may tumingin lang sa akin ay magagalit na siya. Minsan nga'y nakaiinis na e, lagi na lang kasi siyang napapa-away. But a part of me, is kinikilig. Ewan ko, si Zeus lang talaga iyong makakapagpakilig sa akin. Iba kasi kapag siya na iyong gumagawa or dumadamoves e.

I smiled at saka tinawag sila Zeus, "Hey, baby! Let's eat" I shouted ng matapos ko ihanda ang aming pagkain. We're seated on a checkered blanket under the tree, and what I can say, it's really relaxing. Very relaxing. Hmm.

"Uhm, mukhang masarap 'yan ah."

"Bolero ka pa din talaga, Zeus."

"What? I'm just stating the truth, Wife. Your cooking skill is so great kaya ang sarap sarap mo."

Nanlalaki ang matang binalingan ko si Zeus at saka hinampas..

"ZEUS! May bata, napaka-pervert mo talaga!" I said playfully.

He grinned at me at saka hinalikan sa pisngi.

"Masarap ka naman talaga ah!" Parang batang sabi niya.

"Heh! Tumigil ka na nga diyan."

"Mommy, I want spaghetti. Can I have one?!"

"Of course, baby. Here. Ubusin mo 'yan ha. I know it's your favorite."

Helios squeled the dive into his spaghetti.

"Ay, nak, yuckie ka naman kumain." Sabi ko habang pinupunas-punas ang mga sauce sa gilid ng labi niya.

Hay, I love my son.

"Hey." I looked at Zeus then smile softly.

"Hey."

"Thank you, Hera. For the second chance. Later, when we go home, I'll tell you everything."

Biglang bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko habang pinagmamasdan si Zeus.

"Everything?"

"Yes, Hera, everything. Walang sobra, walang kulang. You deserve to know the truth, Wife."

I sighed at saka hinilig ang ulo ko sa braso ni Zeus.

I feel contented. I feel so happy. And I feel so satisfied.

I was brought out in my reverie when suddenly Zeus' phone rang.

Umalis ako sa pagkakasandal at sinilip kung sino iyong tumatawag.

My brows furrowed when it's a girl, named 'Freia'

Who's Freia?

At mas lalo lang ako nagduda ng magpaalam si Zeus na aalis muna at sasagutin lang 'yung tawag. Zeus always answer his phone calls in front of me, but why now?

Binalingan ko ang anak ko, "Icarus, baby, susundan lang ni My si Dy ah. Wait ka lang dito."

Puno ng sigla namang tumango si Icarus.

Pinagpag ko ang suot Kong bestida at saka sinundan si Zeus ng palihim.

I hid myself behind the tree at saka pinakinggan ang pag-uusap nina Zeus.

"Why are you calling? Didn't I tell you to never call me again?"

I groan silently ng hindi ko marinig ang sagot noong Freia.

"Shut up, Freia. We're done, years ago. Fuck off!"

Nakaramdam ako ng kaba ng marinig ko ang pagsigaw ni Zeus, puno ito ng galit.

May Mali, I feel it. Something's wrong.

"WHAT? FUCK YOU! YOU'RE LYING. I'M NOT THE FUCKING FATHER OF YOUR GOODDAMN CHILD!"

I gasped at saka unti-unting bumuhos ang mumunting luha mula sa aking mga Mata.

Zeus' eyes widen when he saw me.

"H-hera, i-it's not what you think. Let me explain first."

Umiiling na pinagmasdan ko si Zeus. It's a bit blurred because of my constant crying.

"Sapat na ang mga narinig ko Zeus, I thought you've changed. Mali pala ako Zeus, maling-mali. I believed you! You fucking lie to me. Niloko mo ako Zeus. I hate you, no, I loath you!"

And with that I ran away while crying my heart out. The pain is just too much, I feel so suffocated. I can't breath.

Mabilis Kong pinaandar iyong sasakyan ko at saka hinablot iyong phone ko.

I dialed my Mom's number, "M-ma, please take care of Icarus." Hindi ko na inantay pang sumagot si Mom at saka pinatay ko na ito. I threw my phone in the window at mas lalo pang pinabilis ang sasakyan ko.

I cried.

And that's what happened.

I gasped at hindi binitawan ang hawak Kong Bibliya. Oh, God! Please help me!

Naiiyak na minulat ko ang Mata ko at saka pinagmasdan ang langit. So this is the feeling of falling, falling into nothingness.

Minsan napapaisip na lang ako, that people are really aren't afraid of height.

They're afraid of falling.

Muling akong nagdasal at saka pumikit.

So, this is how it ends then?

Pathetic.

Very pathetic.