Colour Me In (On Hiatus)

Three

THREE

Central Park was crawling with people, mainly because, one...the leaves were beginning to change and two...the weather was practically perfect. In the low sixties, my sweater, jeans and ballet flats were the perfect combination. No jackets or scarves were necessary...it was just simply beautiful. I'd tried to visit the vast park as often as I could, and every time, I loved it. I always enjoyed my time here, but today was different. Walking beside Julien was borderline magical. He made me laugh and our conversation was never boring. We talked more in detail about our families and our lives...I'd found out something that I should've put together sooner, but it didn't really make a difference either way. Julien and Damien's last name was Pilsner, as in Pilsner and Wood...as in the company I worked for -- we worked for. Their grandfather, Arthur Pilsner founded the business with his best friend, Fitzgerald Wood in 1978. Their father, Henry took over as CEO after Arthur passed away and joined Fitzgerald's son, Thomas. The two men then went on to create one of the most successful publishing companies in New York City. I felt honored to know someone -- well, two people who were part of the founding families. However, Julien made it clear that Damien and their father did not get along very well. While Julien was making his way up the company ladder, Damien seemed to have no interest in climbing alongside his brother. Henry expected Julien to eventually take his place, but Damien was nowhere near his brother in the rankings. Julien was seemingly the golden child in the Pilsner family. They had a younger sister, Stella, who was a year younger than me...and from what I could tell, the three of them were very close.

"What about your mom?" I asked as our hands brushed against one another. Just before answering, he twisted his fingers around mine and my skin, despite the brisk air, warmed at the contact.

"She um, she passed away." I felt horrible as soon as the words left his mouth.

"Oh, Julien...I'm so sorry, I didn't-" He stopped me from further apologizing.

"No, no...it's fine. It was almost nine years ago."

"Well, I'm still sorry. I didn't mean to bring it up." His grip on my hand tightened comfortably.

"Please, don't apologize. You had no idea. And besides, it was years ago. I mean, I'll always be sad and I'll always miss her...but it's not really a sore subject anymore. I think it's healthy to talk about, you know?" I nodded and leaned into his side.

"How did it happen, if you don't mind my asking."

"Acute leukemia. She was 46."

"I know, obviously what leukemia is, but what does acute mean?"

"There are two forms of leukemia, acute and chronic. Chronic is a slower-growing cancer that gets worse over time, acute is fast-growing and gets bad really quickly. She was diagnosed in December and she died in February...just like that."

"Oh my god...Julien..."

"Stella and I were always close to her, but Damien...she was his biggest fan. Because he and our dad never got along, she was always fighting alongside him. I mean, she and my father loved each other, more than anything. But against him, Damien was never alone. Our mother was his world, so he really took it the hardest when she died. He's never really been the same since. He doesn't ever let himself get close to anyone...when he starts to get attached, he pushes them far, far away. He's done it with me, with Stella...some women that he's dated." My heart was breaking for him. "I think that's why he's still with Reina. He doesn't feel much for her. She's easy to keep around..." Everything that I'd learned about him before this was starting to make sense. "I don't know if he'll ever let himself fall in love. He refuses to do more than copy edit at work...he's self destructive and...he's just impossible, Mila. I don't know what to do."

"I don't think there's anything that you can do. Right now, the best thing you can do is just let him be, as hard as that is..."

"No, I know you're right. It's just that...it's been eight years and he's only gotten worse. Where is he going to go from here?"

"You can't decide when it's time for him to get better. At some point, and it could be years from now, or tomorrow...he's going to hit a low and then maybe...he'll start to get better. You just have to be there for him, don't ever give up on him, you know?"

"Yeah...you're right -- you're so right." He shook his head. "God, that conversation took a depressing turn." I laughed lightly and hugged his arm as we crossed the street, leaving the park.

"That's okay."

"Do you wanna go grab a drink?" As I was nodding, he added on to the question, "And then, maybe dinner?"

"I'd love to, yeah." A few seconds of silence passed before I spoke up again. "And just so you know, you can always talk to me about stuff like that. I don't care if it's depressing or uncomfortable. I'll always listen." He pulled our clasped hands up and kissed the back of mine.

"Thank you, Mila." I smiled, "No really, thank you."

"You're welcome."