b & w ; ( wroetoshaw ) ♡

chapter 11

I got home late after the walk to clear my head. My mind was foggy like the mist that hung in the streets of this quite little town. I used to want to get out of here, just up and leave and travel the world. I wanted to go an adventure. Growing up was one of the hardest things I ever had to accept, the sheer innocence of children was something to be treasured and protected at all costs.

I see fourteen year old girls worrying about finding love, they start to hate what they see in the mirror. Oh, how I wish I could look into their eyes and tell them to treasure their childhood. Go outside and play in the park, get your jeans dirty with mud and grass stain. Create a whole alternate universe and live inside it, explore forests and go swimming and just be a child.

I took out the engagement ring from my inside pocket and I felt an ache in my chest where my heart was supposed to be, the ring glittered in the dark night sky and I wished and wished I was fourteen again.

I sat in front of my canvas, thinking about what I wanted to let out today in messy colours when I heard a soft knock on the door.

"Come in." I called.

Liam came in and sat on the bed next to me, my eyes wandered to his own. There was some hidden emotion locked away in his eyes that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"I want you to be happy." He responded, his tone of voice making me shiver.

"I am-"

He cut me off. "Look me in the eyes and tell me you love me, Blair."

I faltered. "I-I can't."

"Why? because you mean it or because you don't?"

I couldn't give him an answer so instead I wrapped him in a hug, falling softly on to my unmade bed and we lay there just enjoying the warmth of each other and leaving that unanswered question lingering in the air.

-

It all started the Friday after that night.

I had stayed up all night with Harry in his workplace just talking and drinking endless cups of coffee and enjoying the fact that it was the most magical thing to have the person who's soul is made for your own- smiling and laughing along with you.

Reluctantly, I left the shop at seven in the morning and skipped home, my heart singing in my chest. I turned my phone on after switching it off last night and immediately I got several missed calls from my mother and father and a voicemail from Liam. They were probably just worried about my whereabouts, nothing I can't explain.

As I rounded the corner to my street, I stopped dead in my tracks. A sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach stirred up as I stared at the commotion happening outside of my house. My knees felt weak as I walked towards it.

My house was cordoned off and there were two squad cars and an ambulance parked outside. My mother was talking to a policeman, her eyes were bloodshot. My heart started thumping violently as I got there, ducking under the tape and walking up to my mum.

When she saw me, her lip started to tremble as she grabbed me in her arms. "Oh, Blair. I'm so sorry." She wept, her voice cracking with pain.

"Mum, what's happened?" I asked, urgently, panicking.

"It's-it's Liam, sweetheart-", she burst into fresh tears. I felt a hand on my shoulder and a policeman was leading me away.

"Blair, is it?" He smiled although it wasn't an appropriate time to smile at all.

"Can you please tell me what the hell is going on?" I shouted.

"It looks like it's a suicide, miss. I'm sorry, he was your soulmate wasn't he?"

At those words, time seemed to come to a halt. The voices talking around me turned into a blur as I stumbled backwards, my mouth opened but no words came out. I chocked back a sob as my head started to spin.

A suicide.

I suddenly remembered the voicemail he had left me, I picked up my phone and darted away, people called me back but I just kept running until I came to a quiet, empty street. I pressed my phone to my ear with one hand and the other was clamped across my mouth to stop me from screaming.

"One new message received yesterday at 11:00pm." There was a beep then a muffled voice.

"Blair,
I do not know how to even begin. Let me start off by saying, I'm not mad at you and I don't hate you, I could never hate you. I loved you with every single atom that makes up my body, and I lived for the idea of our future together. Yes, I heard you talking to Cara and I understand now why you never looked at me the way I looked at you. Please understand, the hardest part of this is leaving you. It would be too painful to keep moving forward knowing that I was keeping you back from the person you're supposed to love. I only ask that you be so truly happy with him, make a future together, become a widely known famous artist, start a family! All I ever wanted was for us to be happy, and since there is no longer an us, all I want is for you to be happy. Goodbye, Blair."

The voicemail ended.

I went to sleep that night, with an ache in heart, tears running down my face, sob after sob. Biting down on my lip trying not to make any noise, but the tears wouldn't stop, I couldn't stop. It hurt so bad.

-

rip liam :(
question of the day;
what's something you've been keeping inside?

answer; the fact that school is fucking bullshit and all of my friends are fake as fuck.

thanks for all the reads!

-mia
xxx