From the Mind Of Me

I Have a Problem

I have a Problem

How long can I make this smile last? How long can my mind not flash the past.

How long can my tears stay in this time, How long can I convince myself I'm worth more than a dime.

Can my heart stop shooting thunders of pain? Can my soul understand everything is not in vain?

Empty in a shell covered with smiles I sit wondering. Silent on the outside and screaming on the inside, I frown still fighting .

How long will it take before people start to see? When, my practiced smiles fade to lifeless stares of unmoved accomplishments.

How long will it take before my world starts to ask? Why I can't do all the things I've dreamed of why I can't go on overcoming all the shaky battles that's slips into my mind every day.

How long will I play? Like everything is ok and my life is getting better and world will one day be ok in my eyes .

I'm a weird individual that has so much potential and so much drive and creativeness dripping on the tip of my fingertips.

What stops me?

The whispers of strangers judging books by the cover before even reading the title?

The knot at the bottom of my stomach that says you have no chance why waste time on pipe dreams?

The constant throw in the face that I'm still in the same place I was five years ago only older?

The shameful stares of friends and family that say what are you doing with the rest of your life?

The never ending line of people moving forward while I'm still standing still?

I am what stop's me!

I have a problem but it will never be heard.

I have a problem but I'm already in way over my head.

I have a problem and only God knows my pain.

I have a problem!!!

But as I look around its just me alone wiping tears like its normal ....