Ink Me Insane (Book One)

Thirty Four

Black. Cold. Darkness.

Was this death? It seemed plausible, but what did she know. It's true, she would be lying if she said she had never thought about death. That it hadn't been a constant companion prickling at the edges of her consciousness with sweet promises of the fruit to be devoured in the Underworld. It was a temptation so delicious. Something that promised to be tasty and appeared beautiful and inviting until that first bite. Then it would snap shut the gates, leaving one with just the reaper as a friend. Thoughts of ending it were like the skitters of a dream she couldn't remember upon waking up.

It...that so forbidden word of taboo. It as though not saying the word made it go away. People had to label everything. It made them think they had some semblance of control over this thing they gave a word to. Yet they shied away from their precious words when it was awkward for them. It's not polite to use that word.  It made people uncomfortable. It was worth far more society's swear jar than an actual swear. All things considering, it was a miracle mental illness had progressed at all when some of the very words associate with it were bad. It was hard to communicate without words. So that word, that scream for help, remained unheard because it was never allowed to be said.

Suicide.

It wasn't like Rene had ever actually wanted to die. But it was always that hidden backdoor out the game. It offered a quick cheat to end the pain. Cheaters never prosper though...it wasn't a win. It was a loss against a world that never let up. When the world beats someone for a long enough, it's hard to pry back off the pavement. It's hard to see another way to cross that finish line. There are no short-cuts in life. There are no easy ways out. An unfinished game leaves a resounding mark on the world, so many cards un-turned and pieces just tipped over on the board. It wasn't even quitting, it was true and utter loss to the game. It's the disappearance of a player...an ally...a rival...a friend. Death and its embrace was always waiting with wide open arms. Perhaps, it would be someone always waiting by her side. Cheering from the sidelines with its promises, but never fulfilling. Death was a loss for everyone.

The vast darkness blanketed her in its smothering embrace. It was like building a fort as a kid, blanket, sand, snow and suddenly having it all come crashing down on her. It was the ultimate buried alive by something of her own creation. She had played her hand in this only to have it all come tumbling down. She shouldn't have been surprised, people fell often enough in nursery-rhymes. Jack and Jill, Humpty Dumpty, even the baby in the cradle...speaking of who in their right mind decided that was a good song to sing to little children...still everyone fell into darkness. Rene had just finally caught up to the song to slip into hers.

She wasn't afraid of death. She probably should be, someone like her certainly wasn't going to be in good graces with the man upstairs. No she wasn't afraid of death. She was terrified of disappearing. She was scared of oblivion, of shutting off with a flip into black. Nothing more of Rene.

Did she do it? Had she succeeded in remaining alive long enough for Kai to burn the place to the ground? The questions left unanswered bound her tightly, cocooning her in the unknown. So this was the end...darkness.

"Rene."

The word...her name found its way into the black. It held hope and promise within the oblivion. She wasn't nothing, wasn't no one.

"Rene, come on you got to wake up."

"Please, please wake up."

"If you don't wake up this moment, I'll start crying and you'll make my makeup run and you know how much of a monster I look like then." A chocking sob found her in the black, pulling at some deep part of her heart. "Then you'll really have a reason to keep your eyes closed."