It Was Always Her (Preath)

Chapter 32 - Happy Never After

Tobin's POV

"Christen, I love you. Please open up." I kept knocking on the door, more carefully now. I was exhausted from guessing what I had done wrong, and I was done being mad. I was never mad in the first place, I think, but somehow that escalated quickly.

At this point, sometime after midnight the day before our game, I just wanted to make sense out of what happened. Why I was standing out in the hall knocking on Christen's door, and why she was inside refusing to open up.

"Go to bed, Tobin. We'll deal with it in the morning." Christen spoke from the other side of the door, and I was honestly thrilled to hear she was at least still talking to me. We had been joking back and fourth earlier, or so I had thought, but it turned into something else that I'm still confused of, and out of the blue she walks off and locks herself in her room.

"You're never supposed to go to bed angry." I stated a well known advice, hoping she would see my reasoning. She kept quiet on the other end for a moment, before she suddenly unlocked the door without a word. I was first afraid to move, afraid she would change her mind, but eventually opened the door carefully and let myself in.

"Thank you." I mumbled as I walked inside, seeing her sitting on her bed with a book. She didn't look up to see me, but I could easily tell she was no longer reading, if she even had in the first place. Her eyes were stuck on one point, her mind probably somewhere else.

"Are we having a fight?" I honestly wasn't sure, but I knew if we were then I had no clue to why or how I was supposed to fix it. I just knew I needed to say the right things, even though I had no idea what they were.
"Cause if we are, then I first of all just want to say I love you and also I'm sure you're right and I'm an asshole." I paused, finally now getting her attention. I saw she struggled to keep her smile hidden, meaning I must've done something right.

"You're impossible, you know that?" She mumbled out, now finally putting the book down. She sighed deeply before looking up towards me, and I waited with great anticipation for some answers.

"You realize this is all because I miss you, right?" She looked into my eyes, searching for signs of me knowing what she was talking about. I'm afraid she didn't find what she was looking for exactly.

"You miss me? I'm right here." I tried my best to understand, but I was a lost cause at this point. She wasn't making any sense. I tried moving closer to her, but her body language wasn't telling me to touch her right now. She seemed truly upset about something, and I hated not knowing what to do.

"What if you go to the Olympics and I don't?" She looked back up at me now, that same searching in my eyes. Her desperate expression was followed by a loud sigh.
"That's two months, Tobin. Then right back to the NWSL and that's at least another one, and that's only if we don't make the playoffs, which we both know at least one of us will. And then what, you're in Portland and I'm here." She paused her rant, and let her face fall to the palms of her hands.

I should've known. The Olympics are closing in, and the roaster is getting narrowed down as we speak. From where she started it would quite literally be a miracle if she were to be on it, but looking at it now we all know it's a possibility. Of course she's stressing out, she's beating herself up like she usually does.

"Chris," I started speaking soft, now quickly sitting down next to her before she could protest. I let my arm sneak around her back.
"No matter what happens, we'll figure it out. I love you, and I'll find a way to see you as often as possible, okay?" I paused, now taking her hands away from her face so she was forced to look at me.

"But you already know that. That is not what's really bothering you." She didn't protests against, which confirmed what I already knew.
"It's okay if you don't make the roster. It's unfair, and I'm gonna be terribly lonely, but it's okay. It's not your fault. You've done everything you can, and more so." I was no longer sugarcoating anything, and from the look on her face I hit the nail on the head.

"It's not okay that she gets to be there with you and I don't." She whispered the words now, almost afraid to say them out loud. This was about Alex, it always trails back to Alex. As much as I hate that it does, it's for good reason. She's the foundation of all our problems, both my relationship and Christen's entire career. I've said it a million times and I want to believe I'm over it and that she's not in our lives anymore, but she just keeps popping up at the worst possible times.

"It's not fair, I know that. But it doesn't-" I was about to explain it all, how I didn't care that she was there because I wasn't going to give her any of my time. How I've developed an indifference to anything regarding her. But the universe didn't want me to finish that speech for whatever reason I have yet to figure out.

My phone started buzzing in my pocket and I tried ignoring it, but we both knew I needed to see who it was. Out of all the people in the universe, the last person I wanted it to be.

"Speaking of the devil." I mumbled out, holding up my phone. Alex's name was plastered on my screen, and all I couldn't do was stare at Christen. She looked at the phone, an expression I couldn't read, then back at me.

"Answer." She more demanded than suggested, and so I did.

"H-Hello?" I pressed the cold screen to my ear, and the sound of the forwards voice was like hearing a very bad song you hadn't heard in a long time, that really only brought you terrible memories and an holistic feeling.

'Tobin. Hello.' She spoke back, sounding almost as shocked as me for some reason. Maybe she hadn't expected me to pick up, or maybe this whole call was purely spontaneous.

I didn't say another word. She had called me, she was the one that wanted to speak. I waited rather impatiently for whatever she could possibly need me to know.

'I was- uh, thank you for answering. I saw your post on Instagram, and I just wanted to personally congratulate you.' I listened the best I could, but her words didn't make much sense to me. Why did she feel the need to say that. I posted the picture Ashlyn took of Christen and I at camp a while ago, with the caption 'Life is good'. After getting spotted out together I figured a subtle picture like that had been a nice way of not officially confirming it, but not denying anything either. Christen had agreed and so I had proceeded.

"Okay, thanks. I guess." I didn't know what to answer Alex. I looked up at Christen, having been too afraid to do so this far, and she looked scathingly calm. Too calm.

'Tobin, I'm gonna say this once and then never again, okay? This will be the last time you hear anything from me about us. This is it, unless you choose otherwise.' Alex suddenly rambled on, on the other end and I held my breath as she spoke. Christen's soft expression turned severely more hard, but she was still calm. I didn't know what to make from that.

'I love you. I have always loved you. I will probably always love you. But I understand you've chosen differently and though I don't get how ones soulmate can simply just pick someone else, it happened. So here we are. If she's your one true love then, then go be with her. I'm sorry for everything I put you through, the both of you. I truly am, for what it's worth. Just know that I'm here. I will move on eventually, but for the time being I could still be yours in a heartbeat if you wanted me to. All you have to do is say the words.'

My mind was frozen. I didn't know a single word or sentence, I just knew that the girl I was in love with for so long declared her love for me, and I didn't feel anything back. Had she just said those words a year ago, heck six months ago who knows, but not now. I'm over it, I'm over her and it feels so good to be sure about that. I'm not even furiously mad anymore, at least for what she did to me. Christen is another story, but honesty I feel more sorry for her.

"I'm not going to." I spoke a few simple words, that meant more than most in that moment. I saw Christen's whole body tense down, like she had been afraid I was going to say something else for a moment there.

'Okay. See you around, Tobin.' And with that she ended the phone call. I let my hand fall to the bed, the phone rolling out of it. I felt so many emotions all at once, but most importantly I felt hope.

"You still think-" I started speaking to Christen, but she interrupted my words by forcefully pressing her lips against mine. My body reacted in a new and exciting way, there has never been more fire, more passion. I felt closure in a way that I hadn't felt before, and it was the best feeling in the goddam world.