It Was Always Her (Preath)

Chapter 4 - Unspoken Words

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Christen's POV

I had fallen asleep in Tobin's arms, exhausted from all the emotions. She had woken me a couple hours later, suggesting we should go to bed. I had then forced her to go talk to Alex, and after some denying I got her to go.
It might seem weird that I'm literally forcing the girl I like into the arms of her extremely good-looking, now vulnerable ex, but it's the only way. I've held back for so many years, I can hold back a little longer. If Tobin and I decide to give it a go, I'm not letting it happen like this.
The air needs to be cleared with her ex, who is also both of ours teammate.

I couldn't sleep at all that night, I was just waiting for her to come back. I know it would probably take all night, but I didn't care.
I couldn't get the feeling of her lips pressed to mine out of my head, not that I was complaining. I had been dreaming of that for so long, and it happened. When do dreams ever come true, like that's just in books and on tv.

My mind wandered off to Alex. What was she coming over here to say anyways, and why did she look so- I can't find the word for it, offended? She looked as if what we did was a crime, the worst one in history of crimes. Two single women are allowed to kiss, it has to be more to it. That thought scared me. I can't go there, but of course I will. What if Alex wants her back. What if that's what she came here to say. That would explain the shock, the hurt look on her face. How can she expects Tobin to still want her after she broke her heart though. Well, that's a rather stupid question. She can expect that because Tobin did for way too long. I knew that if Alex had come back earlier, Tobin would've taken her right back. She still probably has a soft spot for the long legged beauty that is Alex Morgan. She's the face of female soccer for Christ sake. When she tells you she wants you back, you take her back. At least when your option is me. Choice seems pretty clear to me honestly.
No. I can't do this. I told Tobin I trust her, so I need to fucking trust her.

**
Tobin's POV

Alex was no where to be found. I knew this girl, and she's always been like this. When she doesn't wanna be found, she stays hidden. However, I eventually learned how to track the soccer player down. Learning her habits after dating for two years, being best friends for way longer. I knew where to look.
Kelley had insisted on coming with me, after I was forced to tell her what happened. She gets her way if she wants to, let's leave it at that. I left out some details though, that Christen and I was actually kissing, that Alex looked devastated. I made the story a bit more easy to grasp. I was able to shake her off me though, sending her to all the wrong places to look.

I need to do this alone. I need to do this for Christen. I don't even know what Alex wanted in the first place, or why she looked so shocked and offended almost. I have every right to kiss whoever I want, and she doesn't have the right to just burst into my room like that.

**

I was outside and had been walking for about 10 minutes. It was dark and slightly cold out, but I knew this had to be where Alex was hiding out. I turned the last corner according to Maps, and as expected I saw an upset soccer player fiercely smashing a ball towards the goal. I took a deep breath before stepping onto the field.
"Alex." I spoke up, seeing as she didn't notice me at first. I was still standing pretty far away, but I didn't want to scare her. She jumped slightly, me not succeeding clearly.

"How did you find me?" She asked after a little while, turning towards the goal again. She had four/five balls lined up ready to be shot.
"I know you." I started, walking a little closer.
"I know you like to hide away and that the only place you always end up is some abandoned soccer field." I continued, now standing just a little behind her. "This is an upgrade though, how did you get on the lights?" I added, looking around at the turf field. Back in the days she would run of to this little broken grass field, saying she loved the smell of real grass and dirt. I saw she peaked over at me, quickly looking back and taking a shot.
"Where's Press?" She spoke cold, shaking her head at the ball going way over the goal.
"That's not fair. You don't get to do that." I answered quickly, trying not to sound mad. I know she's hurting. "I'm sorry." She mumbled, looking down.
"I was going to tell you that I'm still in love with you, that I wanted you back." Alex suddenly turned towards me, speaking up now. I noticed her eyes were teary and she honestly looked like a hot mess. Her words caught me off guard. She was, what?
"Alex, I-I didn't know." I didn't know what to say. My mind was working on full speed to figure out the right thing to do. I knew in my heart that I only had one option. My feelings for the dark haired girl were gone, my heart belonged to someone else.
"Do you love her?" She spoke again, looking back down now. I wasn't sure what to answer to that either. Christen means the world to me honestly, she brings out a strong and confident side in me, something Alex never did. I am in such a better place after just knowing her for such a short period of time in comparison to the one in front of me. Alex is a good person, but she wasn't good for me, she never was. Honestly she was more like a bad habit I have finally conquered.
"I think I do." I couldn't help but smile slightly, knowing I probably shouldn't in the situation. The loud sound a ball getting shot snapped me out of it. Alex's ball flew way over the goal again, she never misses like that.
"Listen, Alex, I'm sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear, but I'm not gonna apologize for getting over you." I tried not sounding harsh, but still determine enough for her to listen. She still stood with her back against me. "I never wanted to hurt you, just like you never wanted to hurt me back then." I knew this was what I needed to do. Alex stood with her arms crossed, kicking some glass on the ground now, quite similar to 3-year-old not getting her way.
"Did you ever even love me?" She spoke up, sounding a mixture of sad and stubborn.
"I was head over heals for you, Alex." I answered, louder then expected. Her head shot up from the ground. "I freaking thought you were the love of my life." I added, still working on not sounding angry. I don't think I was angry really, just frustrated maybe. There's a fine line between the two.
"Then what changed?" She yelled now, slamming her arms out to the sides. I sighed, heavier then I planned. "Everything, Alex. Everything changed. You changed, the situation changed, you loving me fucking changed." I was close to yelling back to her at that point. A sudden anger built up again, this time I wasn't sure I could hold it down. "And you don't get to decide that you love me again now, you don't get to do that. I'm not a puppet you can control. It took you seven months to realize what you lost, well too bad." I took a deep breath. "Cause I'm not yours anymore." I lowered my voice, close to whispered the last part. Alex was looking at me, slightly shocked at my outburst it seemed. I noticed more tears falling down her cheeks, but I couldn't go easy on her. I needed her to know that she hurt me, and that I got over it. Only that way she can do the same.

No one spoke. The tension between us was tense, I'm sure it could cut like glass. She finally looked away, wiping some of her tears.
"Did you like her when we were still together?" She looked back up, no emotion in her voice all of a sudden. "What?" I asked, offended she would even ask that. "You heard me." She spoke again, just as steady.
"Christen has been my best friend for years, Alex. Nothing more than that." I was angry I had to defend myself like this honestly. "Until recently." I added, not wanting her to get the wrong idea.
"You mean 'best friends' like we were all those years? We were never just friends and you know that. Why should I believe you were with her?" I realized now that this was the hurt Alex talking, trying to find a reason to be angry at me for. If she had a reason to be angry, she wouldn't feel so bad about hurting me, and it would probably make it easier moving on. I get that. Doesn't make it right though.
"Maybe you're right, maybe we were more than friends, but I never cheated on you. So drop it." I said calm, taking a deep breath once again.
"Alex, I didn't come here to fight." I finally felt like I had gotten what I needed to say out of my system. I don't know what else I can say. "We're teammates and we have a lot of friends in common, we have to find a way for this to work." I spoke honestly, not seeing the point in pretending any longer. "I need time." She looked away, her calming down as well now.
"You had seven months prior to this. I'm sorry, but time's up." It was the cold harsh reality of the situation. "I'm not gonna jump to stand next to you obviously, but we'll see each other all the time. It's gonna be okay, though." I felt bad for the broken girl in front of me. I couldn't help it. I still had a soft spot for her, I can't deny that. Seeing her in tears like this and not help, now that's still hard for me.

I decided life is too short to hold regrets. I took a few steps closer to the girl, then a few more. Eventually I was close enough to wrap my arms around her. Uncertain of what she would do, I held my arms out first before overstepping.
She collapsed into my chest, burying her head there. I gave her soft strokes on her back until the crying slowed down and it was only small hicks at this point. I pulled away, and she let me walk off. No more unspoken words between us.