It Was Always Her (Preath)

Chapter 31 - Still Not Okay

Alex's POV

"Morgan, you're coming out with us tonight." Ashlyn ran up to me after practice with a huge grin on her face. I was honestly exhausted from today's session, but she didn't really leave much room for arguing against.

"Was that a question or a demand?" I said sarcastically back, a smirk on my face that I know annoys her. She rolled her eyes at me, before turning to where Steph, Sarah and a few others were waiting.

"She's coming, guys." Ashlyn answered my question, it was a demand.

**

I hadn't really dressed up in a while and it honestly felt weird now. I used to love to dress up and make myself look pretty, but I would always pick what I thought Tobin would like, or what she said I looked good in. Then again, she said I looked good in anything.

I found a semi-causal dress, not wanting to overdue anything on my first try in a while, and kept my makeup natural as well. I couldn't help but keep in the back of my mind that there was likely to be taken pics that would surface the internet and someone might see them.

"Looking good, Morgan." Ashlyn picked me up in her car, looking smashing as always herself. Steph and Kaylyn was there too, and I realized how glad I was that Ashlyn dragged me along. I haven't been the most social since I got to Orlando, but I miss hanging out with these guys. They're not just teammates, but good friends.

We got to a restaurant and about ten to fifteenth people from the team was here, hard to get an exact number when everyone kept moving around and sitting with everybody. This was a tight group, so we all got along pretty good even though we haven't all played together before.

I sat next to Ashlyn and Steph, and the night was a success so far. But things just won't go my way these days, will they.

"Why is twitter on fire right now?" Kaylyn spoke a little louder, probably to get the attention of the group as a whole. Everyone started chatting and getting up their phones as well, wondering what she was referring to.

"Kyle, don't." Ashlyn suddenly whispered next to me, seemingly trying to speak out of my hearing rage. I was sitting next to her though so it wasn't hard to hear, and she was clearly trying to stop Kaylyn from whatever she was doing wrong.

"P-Preath? What the fuck is-" Steph spoke next to me now, but stopped mid-sentence. I looked her direction to see why, and saw her looking up at the others with a nervous expression.

"God, I would love some dessert, who's in?" Ashlyn suddenly spoke up again, slamming her arms out, her movement startling me. I was beyond confused at why everyone was acting so weird all of a sudden, but when I looked back at Steph and got a glimpse of her phone, it all made sense.

Everyone was watching me, I could feel their eyes on me. They tried agreeing with Ashlyn's dessert suggestion, but it was obviously just a distraction. I was solely focused on getting my phone out now, confirming what I already knew I saw.

There it was. Tobin and Christen together in Chicago, anything but friendly. I knew it shouldn't bother me, I should be happy they're still going strong, but it would be a lie to say  that I was. Tobin and I never really tried long distance, but honestly we probably wouldn't have made it. They seem more in love than ever, and the fans seems to love it as well. Yes, social media is freaking out, but it's in a good way. Just like back in the days when they found out Tobin and I were real.
I suddenly felt so replaced, so left out of the equation. Even more so than I had prior to this. They're taking it the next step, they're not hiding, at least it doesn't seem like they were. They're going public and then everyone will know, and what if they put two-and-two together and figure out why I was suspended the same time as Christen got her injury and-

I felt myself struggling to breath. I knew the attention was still on me, but I couldn't find it in me to worry too much about that. They had all been trying their best to back out of the topic, they had known this would end badly so my reaction was predictable.

"I- uh, I need to go the bathroom." I excused myself with a lie, knowing not a single person around the table bought it. I didn't care. I needed to think, get my thoughts in order. I was being dramatic, I know that. This wasn't my situation to worry about, not at all. Somehow none of that mattered. Everyone would put the pieces together now and I would get the same cold shoulder I've been getting from my teammates from everyone. The worst part is, I brought this on myself. This is all my fault.

I stood up in my seat, causing a louder mess than I intended. If anyone hadn't noticed by now, this was the the way to get them to do so. I felt tears pushing behind my eyes, but I refused to let them see the daylight. I couldn't be the pathetic ex that cried. I need to hold on to whatever dignity I got left.

"Alex." Ashlyn's voice was as calm as ever, but this time it didn't help. There was nothing she could say that would make it better, not that I'm sure she wants me to feel better. They all probably think I deserve whatever is coming my way. I think I do too.

**

"Alex, come on. Open up!" Ashlyn eventually followed me to the bathroom, and was now impatiently waiting for me to open up the door. I wasn't ready to talk.

"I wanna be alone, Ash. I'll come back out soon." I tried my best to hide the fact that I had been crying, but I'm pretty sure Ashlyn could tell. She knows me.

"That's BS, Al. You're gonna sneak out once I leave and run from your problems like you always do." She was on point, and she didn't sugarcoat anything, which didn't come as a surprise. Ashlyn is too smart to stand here and listen to my bullshit for long, I know that. She wants me to tell the truth, the truth that she already probalby knows.

"Auch." I mumbled out, before opening the lock with a sigh. Ashlyn didn't take long to smash it open, and her eyes stared right into mine as she did.

"You gotta get over that girl, Al." She looked at me like I was a hopeless case, and I guess I were. It's almost been a year by now, and here I am in the bathroom crying over the same damn girl. I knew she was right, I did need to get over her. If only I knew how.

"Tell me how to then, tell me what to do." I close to whispered, knowing there was no one else but me that really could tell me what I needed to hear. Ashlyn's look confirmed what I was thinking, it's on me. I had hoped being away from Tobin would help, but it didn't help the first time so why should it this time. Being with her is not even an option, but I doubt it would do much good anyways. There's literally no possible way out of this without getting my heart broken again, this time by myself. I got that little flicker of hope after I saw Tobin again at camp earlier this year, that's on me. I shouldn't have done that.

It's on me to get over her. It's up to me to show that I'm ready to move on, even if I'm not.