Chapter 5 - Waves

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Song of the chapter - Blue by Troye Sivan

The night before my beach trip with Robin was one of the worst nights I'd ever had. I seriously could not sleep at all. Well, who knows maybe I slept for an hour or so but it sure didn't feel like it. By the time I needed to get up and get ready, I was bleary eyed and miserable.

Have you ever had one of those nights where your brain just refuses to turn off and let you relax? Yeah, that was basically my situation. For the first half of the night I couldn't get Luke and Lillian out of my head. And that really pissed me off.

I had worked so hard to let go of any feelings I had for him. It really shouldn't have been that hard considering I basically picked him out of a line up to be my designated crush. It's not like it was love at first sight, or even like at first sight. I knew he was relatively new to the school, thought he was cute so I put him on my list. Simple.

But what I didn't realize was that we had become friends during third period that year. He was nice to me and treated me with respect. I know I didn't hang out with him after school but he never went out of his way to avoid me either. We just didn't move in the same circles.

I was surprised to feel sad about he and Lillian being together. It wasn't a surprise to know I had been hardcore friend zoned, that was pretty much the story of my life. Well, not exactly, just my story with Luke. The rest of them put me in the ignored zone, I wasn't even good enough to be friends with. But the fact that Luke just dropped the Lillian bomb like it was no big deal showed me that he never even noticed I had an interest in him.

Or was that his way of saying,"forget it Mallory, you don't have a chance with me."

Now do you see why I was up half the night?

But it was the other half of the night that left me feeling a little sick to my stomach. As I was trying to get my mind off of Luke and get some sleep, my mind wandered to Seth, without my permission mind you. I mean really, what 17 year old girl stays awake thinking about her brother? That's just weird.

Right, cause I'm a weirdo. I guess the Tyler situation basically determined that for all of us.

It wasn't unusual for Seth and I not to get along. That had always been our relationship in a nutshell, mutual dislike. I guess we just pretty much disliked one another so intensely that there was no going back. But for some reason, this time felt worse. It felt like we had just declared war with the enemy. If there was something I was not, it was a fighter. No, I was more like a lay down and dier(come on, that's got to be a real word!)

What threw me for a loop the most was that my mail reading skills had been completely shut down that entire day. If you recall, on Thursday, just one day before, I was all up in everyone's mail. Gina, Mr. Sally, sheesh even Seth's during the whole gang of goons afternoon special.

But one day later, on Friday, everyone seemed like they were aliens from space. Around every turn I was shell shocked. First was Seth's stoney silence, then Mia and her allegations, Gina and her defused anger, then Luke and his love life. I hadn't seen any of it coming. That must be why I couldn't sleep. My brain had malfunctioned. Where do you find a repair man for that?

So, by the time Robin came by early the next morning to pick me up, I was already needing a nap. It was going to be a full day at the beach and I really didn't have the energy for it. Robin took one look at me and gave me the pity face.

"What the hell happened to you? Up all night talking to a secret boyfriend?"

Crap! Did she know about the Tyler situation?

No, there was no way. I hadn't told anyone about that.

"Ha ha, I wish. I just couldn't sleep. I was thinking about Luke." Yeah, she really didn't need to know I was also thinking about Seth.

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