The Last Day

19

"Josh" I stare at him again. I blink once then twice. He's still there.

He walks closer, never once looking away. I see anger, pain, hatred, confusion and.. Love? Behind those brilliant blue eyes. My heart thumps a million beats per second. I stretch my hand to touch his face. He has a little stubble of hair on his jaw that is barely noticeable. But of course I notice, I know his face like the back of my hand.

Josh is dressed in red shorts and a red sleeveless track top. Josh was competing. How stupid am I? We were in the same state and he was always a fast runner...

Suddenly my love for him turns into a fiery flame in my soul, anger. He cheated on me. He ruined everything when it was perfect. He ruined me! He fed me lies, he killed my heart!

I feel tears trying to fall from my face but I just wipe them away before they can fall. Falling is a sign or weakness. Falling in love is a sign of weakness. And I know better this time around.

Josh notices my tears and his face falls. He looks like he's sorry, like he's guilty. He raises his hand to touch my face.

I step back away from his touch.

We stay like that for a while. Communicating hundreds of things through the silence. Through our battering hearts and minds, while the world keeps working, keeps rotating even though we are frozen.

"Riya, where did you disappear?" He starts with his voice cracking. I feel my heart break from his vulnerability but I just inhale then exhale. He ruined me. What did he expect? I look away and blink back the tears

"Riya?" He walks closer.

"No." I step back. "You've hurt me enough Josh. Please, just go away!" I plead. His hands tighten as fists while his jaw clenches. He looks at the ground and contemplates something. Josh, the smartest person I ever knew always knew what to say. So why doesn't he talk now?

"I still love you." His eyes are red and it looks like he wants to cry. I feel like walking to awards him. Like holding him safe in my arms and telling him everything is going to be okay. But how can him that? How can I lie to him? I can't forgive him. Not now. Not ever.

His eyes are piercing but I manage to recover and spit my answer in his face, "I don't." I lie to his face.

It feels like I just shot him because he steps back and slouches his shoulder. I feel like guilt eating me up. Just because he made you miserable doesn't mean you have to do the same to him. Doesn't it hurt seeing the man you love get hurt?

Yes, but he shot me with that bullet so many goddamn times. I was in depression because of him!

"You don't love me?" He repeats after a while to himself. But then he looks at me again with those vulnerable eyes that are now teary. We have already moved to the shed near the track arena with all the moving back and forth. I try and focus on anything but Josh because when I look at him, I feel like taking him back even though he plunged me into darkness.

"Why do you hate me Riya? What did I ever do to have you disappear on me? Do you know how it feels like to wake up one day and just find out your girlfriend has left town without a fucking goodbye! And you ignored me! You wouldn't answer your calls or texts. You cut me out of your life completely and all I get is a "I don't love you anymore"?" He yells at me making me tear up.

"I loved you so much Josh! So much. Even more than I loved myself! But I was blinded because you never loved me! You lied to me all this time. You fucking cheated on me with my best friend!" I walk towards him and poke his chest with my finger. "That is why I hate you!"