Swiping Right | Completed

Forty

          I sighed as I fidgeted, watching my hands as my fingers intertwined and then detached and repeated all over again. Brodie and Colton were sharing jokes as they discussed what was left to be packed, Ella was getting drinks and I was slumped on Colton's King-Sized bed, surrounded by suitcases. I wished everything would slow down, time had passed so quickly and I only had two days left with Brodie.

I had no idea in the slightest how Ella stayed so calm about it all, obviously no matter what obstacle was thrown at them, they'd work it out but if it were me, and I'd been with someone as long as the two of them, my whole world would crash. I'd be devastated. Everything about her screamed I'm okay, and normally I'd call that a façade but I knew her like the back of my hand, and I knew she truly was okay. I could only hope her attitude towards it would last, and I hoped the relationship would too.

She returned to the room, placing drinks on the bedside table before picking a jumper out of Colton's fully packed suitcase — messing it up entirely — she was adamant she had to keep it. I glanced at Brodie, seeing the slight frustration. Everything had to be perfect for him, if I had even thought of taking a jumper out of his suitcase, meaning he would have to repack all of it, a huge argument would have started, just due to the sheer thought of me even thinking about doing something so absurd. That was this difference between u, it wasn't like that for Colton and Ella. He laughed, kissed her nose and agreed before placing the clothes she'd previously thrown onto the floor back neatly in their new home.

"Hey man, I think it's time for us to go." Brodie's voice distracted me from my thoughts as he took my hand, pulling me off the bed. It was crazy how loved worked, it was something only he could do. His voice cleared my head, all the stress, pain and worry would disappear They said their goodbyes and Ella opened her arms wide for a hug. Even though I was holding onto her so tightly, probably tighter than I ever had, it didn't feel that way, it felt like a complete outer body experience. I didn't feel like me. I felt lost, like I wasn't even there. I was aware of Brodie's eyes flicking to my face every so often, it what I could only guess was worry. I knew he'd be questioning my every thought. "I'll see you in the morning. See you later, Ella."

          As soon as Brodie stopped speaking, or his voice became distant, my mind became my worst enemy again. It resumes its routine — overthinking before overthinking some more. It could be the most beautiful, or the most horrible place. And in that moment, I didn't know which of the two it was.

It took me to the night I found out my mum and Matt had become an official couple. As if I was completely stupid and didn't already know. It was the last Friday of the month, making it Games and Take-Away Night, a tradition that had started when I was a child. Callum had been so persistent that we had to do it that, after maybe one thousand temper tantrums, my parents gave in. It meant that at least one Friday out of four my dad was home. Looking back, I felt that was Callum's original plan. It wasn't a bad thing, but such a clever idea for a young boy who missed his father. Mom had agreed to let Lucy, Cal's girlfriend stay for the week, meaning she also had to let Brodie stay.

It was a warm evening, and we were sat by the pool, a card game abandoned by us as my mother told Lucy stories of what Cal was like as a little boy. Laughter was filling the air as Matt graced us with his presence, a bottle of red wine in hand. I looked across to Brodie and raised my eyebrows. We both knew that they were going to announce their relationship, honestly nobody was surprised in the slightest, but we were all extremely happy. Nobody deserved happiness more than mom.

          Later that evening, Brodie and I had gone for a walk, his arms wrapped around my shoulders as for the first time, our conversation took the direction of the future. It continued to amaze me how safe I felt with Brodie. With almost anybody else, I'd be scared of the man in the hoodie walking towards me and I'd cross the street to avoid him. But with Brodie, I'd smile, barely noticing him as I got lost in his comfort. We played a small game, lightening the thoughts of the future, making it feel less serious. But I knew. I knew that in that moment, I wanted my future with him. The security I felt with him proved that I didn't want to go even a single day without feeling as safe as I did with him.