Swiping Right | Completed

Twenty Three

          I sat with Ella and Colton in my kitchen, swinging my legs as I sat on the stool. A few days had passed and I'd lost all my patience, telling Colton to meet me at mine and forcing Ella to tell him. I knew it was unfair for me to do it, considering it was her responsibility and her child with Colton; but I also knew Ella, and if I didn't make her tell him she wouldn't and then in nine months time she'd pop out this small human and give Colton a heart attack before he reached twenty years of age.

I was sat resting my chin resting in one of my hands, half-listening to the conversation, half clicking the 'home' button every other minute to see if Brodie had responded. But every time I looked, he hadn't. I rose my eyes to look at Ella, trying to speed up the process of telling him, rather than listening to conversations about the weather and what they ate at lunch. It was bad. How the best couple had turned into this mess, I had no idea. But it was painful to watch. I sighed. 

"Everything alright, Rhea?" Colton asked, pulling himself away from the really fascinating conversation he was having about his bacon and cheese baguette.

"Great thanks, Colt." I rose my eyebrows, slouching down further, resting my head in my folded arms on the counter.

"Colton, I need to tell you something." The words blurted out of Ella's mouth and a blush rose up her neck to her cheeks as his head snapped towards her. He didn't even ask her what it was. As soon as he saw the tears in her eyes, he got off his stool and wrapped his arms around her tightly. It was the most they'd looked like a couple in a while. I watched her lift her eyes, in an attempt to stop herself crying. She didn't succeed, and I had to look away as the tears fell from her eyes, the risk of mine doing the same too high. I looked up as Colton pulled himself away, sitting back on the stool and taking both of her hands inside of his. His eyes were full of worry as I took slow steps to the fridge, retrieving drinks that would probably be needed sooner than later. "I'm pregnant, and it's not a scare this time." Her voice cracked, and his face dropped. He dropped her hands and walked slowly to the french doors, looking out into the garden. I stood behind her, wrapping my arms around her shoulders as she took my hands, holding them tighter than I've ever felt. 

We sat in silence for half an hour, nobody daring to say a word. We'd moved to the dining room, both of them sitting across from each other and me sitting at the end of the table. A knock on the door distracted me. 

I lifted myself from my seat, almost thankful to whoever was at the door. It could have been the Devil, or Death, or my Dad, and I still would have been grateful for them getting me away from the awkwardness. I all but sprinted to the front of the house, letting out the breath I'd apparently been holding. I swung the door open, not bothering to look out of the windows or through the peephole. My heart stopped as I saw the person standing there, a lump in my throat. My hand stayed firmly on the white door, my knuckles turning white as my grip tightened. Neither of us said a word before I gently pushed him into the front lawn. 

          "Brodie, what are you doing here?" My voice came out quiet, scared, alone. It came out broken. I looked up at him, his hair was a mess, his clothes were creased, he looked like he hadn't slept in days. My heart dropped at how broken he looked.

"Can we talk?" His voice was more confident than mine, his words strong and firm. But he refused to look at me, I nodded anyway.

"Out here. Colton and Ella are..." I trailed off, thinking of the right words, "sorting something." He nodded, sitting himself down on the step, the very place I had previously met someone who had warned me about him. I sighed, reliving the memory as I sat beside him, leaving enough of a gap between us. If I got too close, he may break my heart again.

"I have some explaining to do." His eyes darted towards me, I nodded again, looking down as he began speaking. "When I found Nyla, it was after a date with Katie. I deleted her number instantly, I hated her for keeping me away from my baby sister. Of course it wasn't her fault, she didnt even know Nyla. She didn't even know of Nyla. My parents made sure of that. Nobody knew when she died, they made sure it wasn't announced, made sure nobody knew of her death. It was personal. Which is how a death should be, I suppose. Anyway, I stopped speaking to Katie; she was great, don't get me wrong, but I just despised her for it. She tried to get in touch with me, texts, calls, Facebook messages. It began getting annoying so I told her I never wanted to speak to her again. 

I used to regret it so much. When I first met her, I was that guy that every mom would want their daughter to bring home. I had so much going for me and my family were so proud and I didn't want her to see the broken version of me. I didn't want anyone to see that. I wanted to die as well. A life without Nyla wasn't a life at all. She was my rock, and she didn't even know what she was worth. I'm still not ok, nothing will ever be the same." I looked at him, tears in my eyes. I felt my heart break every time he mentioned Nyla and I never understood just how much it affected him. He hid it so well. He ran a hand through his hair as he took a deep breath.

"I'd do anything to rid the pain, drugs, alcohol — self-mutilation." He lifted the sleeve on his t-shirt, showing a few faded white scars on his biceps. My heart dropped further. "My parents knew, hence the therapist, they knew I wasn't coping. I thought about taking my own life a few times, lashing out at my parents, kicking them away from me as I sobbed." He let out the smallest, most broken laugh. "I felt so pathetic." I took his hand in mine. He leant his head back against the pillar, taking deep, slow breaths, trying to compose himself. I could feel his hand shaking between mine. His eyes were shut. He opened them and look at me, only for a second. But I had forgotten just how beautiful he was. 

"So I'd do all that to make myself feel better and it worked for a moment, and I'd sleep with anyone or anything and I hated it. When a girl told me she was pregnant, I stopped. She got an abortion and I've felt bad ever since. We're still friends and she coped amazingly. Better than I did. It just made me worse. So I started committing petty crimes and well, here I am." He shrugged slightly, "I still do stupid shit from time to time. But I met you and I thought you'd changed me." My heart dropped at the word thought. "And then over Christmas, somehow, no idea how, Katie got hold of me and asked me again to meet up. I felt bad for how it ended, so I agreed. I just wanted to explain to her."

"Did you, did you explain to her? Is that all that happened?" My heart was in my throat, I'd never felt so nervous as I watched him, searching his face. How did my heart even cope beating this fast? 

"No, Rhea. It isn't."