Swiping Right | Completed

Three

Sinking into my seat, I looked across at my childhood best friend, a look of concern on her face as she nibbled her lower lip.

"Ella," She lifted her head slightly at the sound of her name, slipping a strand of blonde hair behind her ear, "what is it?"

"I don't know what you mean." A soft smile lifted the corner of her lips, but I knew her better than that; and her eyes were telling me something very different.

"I've made you your favourite dinner, and you're not even touching it. You love Macaroni Cheese, sometimes even more than Colton." I grinned across to her, watching her face relax as she rolled her eyes at me, her lips lifting into a genuine smile before a small laugh escaped her lips.

"It's the only thing you're actually half decent at cooking, I have to enjoy it!" Her laugh echoed as she insulted my culinary skills, but it was good to see the humour had return. I gently kicked her under the table as I shoved the Mac and Cheese into my mouth, as though it were the last meal I'd ever eat. She picked at hers gently, the distracted gaze returning.

I decided not to pester, knowing she'd speak to me when she felt ready.

"Horror?" I asked, sitting in front of the shelves of movies. She nodded, curling up on her end of the sofa. I joined her quickly, the opening scenes of The Nightmare on Elm Street unfolding before us. She leant over to me, leaning her head on my shoulder.

"I love you, Rhea, you know that right?" I nodded in response, "like, I never want you to get hurt." She stared at the television, and I rolled my eyes.

"What is it?" She sat back up, crossing her legs, her teeth returning to her lip.

"Are you going to download the app Miles was talking about earlier?" I laughed softly in disbelief and fondness for the person sat beside me. This trivial thing had been on her mind since lunch and she was only just bringing it up? "Why are you laughing?"

"Because I don't know Ella and you should've asked earlier instead of letting the question eat away at you." She frowned, before asking me why I wanted to. My mood changed almost instantly. "I'm jealous. You and Colton have something so special and I don't even know who my last relationship was with. My last kiss was in a game of spin the bottle in Parker's basement and I just," I paused, taking a breath, "I want to be loved." I leant my head back against the back of the couch, my head sinking softly into the leather as I stared at the moving pictures in front of me, my eyes not focusing long enough to understand their meaning. "I mean, I'm still a virgin." I muttered; and this time, it was her turn to laugh.

"It doesn't matter that you're a virgin!" She shook her head, talking through her laughter. "You're such an idiot. What about Miles?"

"What about Miles?"

"You'd be so good together, and it's so obvious he still has feelings for you! He'd be with you in an instant. The boy worships the ground you walk on." Her eyes stayed on my face, trying to gauge my reaction, to see if there was anything I wasn't telling her.

Ella was the kind of person that just knew everything about people she cared about. It didn't matter how small a detail, she would know it. She could list birthdays off the top of her head, along with favourite things. She also had a knack of being able to guess things about people, she called it her party trick and people had told her it was just like magic but really, she was just good at reading expressions.

Luckily, I had learned to master my poker face, and as I took a sip of my drink, I couldn't deny to myself that the smallest part of me did return those feelings for Miles. I always had done and Ella knew that to begin with – I did really like him, but it did fade, until the kiss. I let my mind wander back to that day, six months before, allowing for Ella to continue her motherly lecture on why online dating was a bad idea and Miles was one hundred percent better.

"What even are you listening to?" I was lying on my front on my bed, flicking through a magazine when Miles walked into my room, throwing himself onto the bed, barely missing me. I turned and stuck my tongue out at him, not even giving him a response. "Rhea, I've been thinking —"

"That's dangerous." I muttered under my breath, a small smile sitting on my lips. I sat up and faced him; he looked worried, whatever he was going to say was going to take a lot of courage.

"Ok, so hear me out. I know you don't want to be with me, and I know you don't like me in that way, but you can't deny there's something there." His eyes searched my face, for any clues as to what was happening in my head. I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck slightly, "let me just try something." I looked at him, the word 'what' barely escaping my lips before his lips attached to my own. He moved his hands to my waist and after only a couple of seconds, but what felt like forever, I kissed him back. It didn't take long for me to realise what I was doing and pull back, leaving both of us panting. Of course I liked him, of course there was something there. But I also knew Miles, and I knew all the girls he screwed over and I wasn't about to let myself be played like that. I shook my head,

"I'm sorry, Miles."

"I know Miles is a massive douche," she continued, "but with you he's different. He completely changes around you."

"Everything would change though, Ella. If it didn't work, our friendship would never be the same, I don't want to lose him."

"But, meeting someone on an app?" She rose her eyebrow slightly, "isn't that a bit desperate?"

"Oh, trust me. I am desperate." I smiled softly at her. "I don't know what I'm doing. I just want something like you've got. I feel like I'm just kind of here you know. I'm not really anything special and nobody cares about me in that way — not even Miles."

"You're not just here," she leant over and held me in her arms as I sighed, the reality of my life slowly setting in as I spoke my deepest feelings. I was lonely. "You're loved Rhea, literally by so many people, like look at all of us. We all adore you. Especially me, you've been my best friend for as long as I can remember and I just want you happy. I'd prefer if you didn't download it, people are dangerous and I worry, but if it's really what you want to do, then alright, I'll support you. But no meeting people without telling me, deal?" She stuck out her pinky and I rolled my eyes briefly before linking mine in the sacred pinky promise.

A text distracted her, and she stood, retrieving her things.

"Look, I have to go. But, text me if you need me. Love you."

I muttered a love you as a response as she reached the French Doors, disappearing into the early evening to go, presumably, to Colton's house. I sighed, playing with my hands for a moment before I leant forward, retrieving my phone from the table.

The film was long forgotten as I stared at the device, the screen black, my own reflection staring back at me. I'd lost count of how many times I had clicked the home button, bringing it to life before letting my background fade back into the standby mode.

"I guess I can always try." I muttered to the four walls surrounding me. My heart was pounding in my chest as I turned off the television, taking slow steps through the hallway and up to my bedroom. I was barely aware of my legs carrying me as I dropped myself onto my bed.

My fingers hovered over the download app button, shaking slightly as I quickly weighed up the pros and cons in my head. A quick click and it was there, asking me to connect my social media account before choosing four of my best photos and deciding which boys, if any, I wanted to speak to.

If only I'd known as I stared through the multiple unknown faces that my life would change as much as it did from that moment, maybe I wouldn't have downloaded it, or even kept it for as long as I did. But the loneliness was like a weight on my shoulders, and I wanted it removed.