This Is Me

seven

"Meet Ralph, Eleonor. He's going to be your new stepfather."
"Hello little Eleonor, I was your mommy's classmate when she was in seventh grade. I didn't know that she had such a beautiful daughter." Mom's new boyfriend said, he was short, looked younger than her, and had green eyes, just like mine and daddy's!
"Well, you were a couple of grades below me Ralph."
"That doesn't matter." He says to mom, gives her a kiss, and says goodbye to me.
"Eleonor, darling. Now you're 9 years old and I think you're grown enough to understand this. I'm going to live with Ralph but you'll stay at grandpas, ok?" Mom says to me. This is the 4th guy I meet, I think. I don't know if I liked this one too, everyone that mom brings is bad. I hope this is a bad looking prince charming. "I have to get my life together and this guy is rich, so maybe we can have a better life, we'll be safe and who knows... Maybe one day I'll fall in love with him." Mom explains, gives me a kiss, and goes away to pack.
If mom finds happiness maybe she'll forget about daddy and I'll be able to see him more often.

I once was at this seminar with my aunt where they were talking a bit bout quantum physics and one of the things the guy told us was extremely interesting and to be honest, something always bothered me.

The man that was leading the seminar told us that everyone changes if they are observed and that includes objects, as he said, like a human that helps the next when they are being observed, an atom also changes it's behaviour when it's being watched by a scientist.

Then, there was the other side of the coin, he said that you could control someone with your mind if you look at someone from behind and you order them to look at you, repeatedly, it will happen. I actually tried it more than once and worked almost every time.

Now, I'm telling you all this so we could get to the main point. One of the subjects was also how if you pay attention to something, then you'll see that everywhere.

To me, that thing is Stephen.

I never saw Stephen before and now he is everywhere. He is in my classes, at George's house and now he is in the balcony right in front of mine.

Do you know what is more annoying than that? It's that I'm utterly surprised by his presence and he looks like he isn't surprised by the fact I'm on this side.

"What are you doing here?" I ask

"Just smoking a cigarette," Stephen replies with a carefree smirk.

"Oh really, I didn't know. It's really hard to tell that's a cigarette..." I say with a voice filled with sarcasm. "Let me ask you in another way because it seems like you don't understand a basic question. Why are you here?"

"I don't know, I felt like smoking a cigarette in my balcony. Do you have something against it?" He asks.

"What?!" What the hell is he saying? I know that this is Mr. and Mrs. Hendry's house and I didn't notice anyone new moving in so I assume it's still their house. "Since when do you live here?"

"Since I moved in with my parents, last year." Say what? Even yesterday I greeted Mrs. Hendry, how can he say he moved in last year? If I remember correctly, they didn't have kids, or at least, they lived alone.

"That's it. I'm calling the police." I tell him and he starts laughing.

"And what will you say? That the guy that lives in front of you is smoking a cigarette in his balcony? This is not even weed so, what do you think they'll do?"

"No, it's not! This is Mr. and Mrs. Hendry's place!" I state. "How can you live here for six years?"

"Ele, they are my parents. My full name is Stephen James Hendry." He chuckles.

I'm so dumb sometimes, how couldn't I connect the dots? I mean, it's not entirely my fault, they never said anything about a son, and I never saw anyone in this balcony so it was extremely strange that Stephen was here.

Now, I don't consider myself as someone with a low IQ so, think with me. A hot, tattooed guy that you've been crushing for the last 2 days appears without warning, shirtless and looking straight in your eyes. I think that anyone would sound like Jim Carey in Dumb & Dumber, it's inevitable.

"Ok, if that's true, how come this is the first time I see you?"

"It's not the first time..."

"It must be! You know, I can't forget anything from my past and if I saw you I would've known." I tell him. For me the past was the most important part of your life, even these little details were, so it seems impossible for me to forget anything.

"Maybe you were watching but not looking." He says, throws away what was left of his cigarette, and goes back inside.

Maybe you were watching but not looking...

One more day in school, surrounded by people I don't know and don't want to. One more day to entertain myself by watching teens trying to behave like grown-ups and failing miserably.

I was at one of those days that I liked to space out and not be bothered by anyone. George and all my friends knew better than to interact with me on these days. Sometimes I would feel like not having to improve my social skills and wanted to be left alone with my music, only Cobain, Vedder, Corey Taylor, Tyler Joseph and a few more kept me company on these days because those were the only voices I tolerated.

There were days I couldn't look at the people that frequented this school because they cared about stuff I didn't give a shit about. At the end of the day, we were all judgmental pricks with different groups and ideas.

You could find a little bit of everything in this school, you just had to watch the various groups there were.

1) You had the popular. This group was composed of all the people God wasted time shaping them with His own hands. They were flawless creatures and only 2% of the world's population was as perfect as them, and that includes Hollywood stars. I dare to say, some stars weren't as perfect as they were. Of course I'm being sarcastic, this is how they saw themselves. We were the ugly ducklings and they were generous enough to let us breathe the same oxygen they breathe. I mean, they are so perfect that maybe they don't even need Oxygen.

2) You had the nerds. They would judge anyone that was into the latest fashion and that had grades below straight A's. Everyone looked at them as the poor dudes that spent their days studying or gaming and that were bullied but here the case was different. They were probably the most judgmental group, even worse they the previous one I talked about.

3) Oh, this group was very interesting. You had the "Fuck society, I have my own ideas and I'm so different from everyone that I must be special". As I like to call them, they were the Special Snowflakes. This group loved to judged people based on their ideas, if I look at a red carpet and say its red, they will argue against it because for them I'm wrong since everyone says the same so it must be green or something. As Bob Marley said, "they laugh at me because I'm different, I laugh at them because they are all the same". What was funny as hell was that they were actually all the same.

4) Then you have the ones like me. I don't see anything, I don't hear anything and I'm always the last to know about all the juicy gossips but in the end, I'm the same as the rest of the groups. I judge them based on their behaviors and their style.

It has been more than 10 hours since I talked with Stephen, however, his words are still imprinted in my mind.

Maybe you were watching but not looking

And this is as bad as being judgmental like every person in school. This meant I was too full of myself, I was too focused on my little bubble to notice people outside of it.

Even though, I know that Stephen wasn't trying to be judgmental I couldn't stop thinking of how selfish I was.

I need to come out more often.

I need to see things from another point of view.

I want to not just watch but also look.

As I come to this conclusion, I look straight ahead and see him right in front of me.

I see Stephen.