Broken Home// MC// Watty2016

6.3

Made it clear,

Entry #idk

How could you leave us? We waited for you... We waited but you never came back. I waited by that door for weeks, hoping it was just a bad dream. Too bad I couldn't leave this one mum... Can you imagine that? Staying up night after night staring at the ceiling wondering
what if I had checked on you,
what if I hadn't annoyed you,
What if you hadn't left mum?!
What if I  didn't have to pretend to be ok
What if, what if, what if... So many but none of them get answered. I used to go to a lady to try and talk to you, sitting in the same room but we couldn't have been further apart. I tried to tell you how I felt but you screamed that it wasn't you, while she just took notes. You see mum, you could've said no to those pills... To the alcohol but you didn't did you? They got you good didn't they mum.. They must've kept you warm in whatever universe you were living in.

I found you hanging in your room, I knew you felt hollow. Called the paramedics and made sure that I sounded okay. You gave your life to those bottles. You gave them everything you ever had, including your last breath too. You couldn't even say good bye, no you blamed me for your life after all they got you, them bottles got you r-right? But little did you realize that you didn't just go away mum... You hung my feelings there with you too. I haven't felt a damn thing, until I met her and now I can't have her. Those times I did hurt myself, I didn't feel a damn thing.
I.wasnt.even.numb.anymore
So tell me mum... How could you leave us so unexpected?!