Phan Fluff One-Shots

the theory of colour

When they had finally gotten onto the train their conversation stopped and Dan plugged his music in as he watched as the houses passed by them, and he often wondered about the people that lived in those houses and their lives that they lived and if they were happy- if they could see in colour and what the stars must have looked like. But he often thought about this, but tonight especially. It happens when he's drained and that's what he had been feeling lately, and he didn't have an explanation for it.

His mother used to tell him how that's how he knew his soulmate was hurting, and he would often roll his eyes at the thought, because it seemed ridiculous- how could you know when the other is hurting? What if Dan just felt too goddamn much? He was always a happy baby but there were times growing up that Dan had been having a good day, and then out of nowhere he felt an ache or a pull and it he had to shut down whatever he was doing and take a walk to let all that emotion out. His birthday party for example, he was six, and it had been a good day, but out of nowhere he was in tears because he was sad, and his mother had looked at him knowingly but held him, and although her touch was welcoming he couldn't and he locked himself in his closet and wouldn't get out of it. Or his sixteenth birthday, he was having another good day but out of nowhere it went away, but he learned to bottle those feelings which made him out to be a moody teenager.

Sometimes it made sense, other times he wasn't sure if he really believed in all of it -- he was born into a black, white and gray world and that's how he thought too. There were people that claimed they saw different shades of the world but he never trusted anyone enough, not even his parents because it just seemed impossible. But he wondered sometimes if there was anyone out there made for him. He had girlfriends, but nothing really changed and he didn't feel anything "real" when he was with them so he broke it off a lot of the time, and some of it was mutually, why pursue a relationship if nothing was going to happen?

By the time he was finished doing his late night pondering the train came to a halt and it was their stop. Jake and Dan walked out of the carriage and onto the pavement to the house party, though they got lost a few times trying to find it, but when they finally got there it was a bit overwhelming. It was some sort of secret rule that Dan learned, never come to a house party earlier, if anything go an hour late that's when everyone is already there but there's still time to party.

"Let's find the booze," Dan said to Jake who nodded in agreement as they walked through the crowd of people, he noticed some of his classmates and even their friend that invited them but he was too busy talking to a group of people. Dan found the red cups and handed one to Jake as they looked through the fridge and freezer for the hard liquor people stored.

It was a bottle or Raspberry Smirnoff, it was cheap which was understandable and though it wasn't the best tasting you couldn't ask for much at a party. He poured some into both of their cups and tried to find something to mix it with but decided against it and just drank it plain, the first few sips were rough but after a while he had gotten used to it like he normally did. Now he didn't know what to do.

ii.

It was always a weird concept for him, how alcohol enhanced a person to act a little more differently than what they normally acted like. But he was in a conversation that wasn't exactly stimulating but he had opinions and with the amount of alcohol he had he wasn't afraid to really share them. He wasn't even sure what he was arguing with someone about but then he suddenly felt a wave of anxiety hit him, and he had stopped talking for a moment and it had grown increasingly strong and he looked through the crowd of people like he was searching for someone but he didn't know why he did that.

"I need to go outside for a bit," he interrupted the person and then proceeded to walk fast through the maze of people, sliding the glass door so he could go outside and get some fresh air. It was probably the alcohol, he thought, that was making him feel so hot and flustered. It wasn't the nice kind of flustered, his cheeks were heating up and he concluded that it was definitely the alcohol and the amounts of people at this party. Yet he continued to drink the rest of the content in his cup and place it on an outside table while he sat at one of the chairs by the tiny pool.