The Bet That Broke Me ~ Book•1 ✔️ (this book is currently being rewritten)

The Bet That Broke Me: Chapter Twenty One

Facing my family was inevitable. As much I would have loved staying at Aiden's, I couldn't. We both agreed on that. School began at eight and he figured that me going home first thing in the morning was the best option. The image of lily sitting on the porch made my stomach turn. I felt absolutely awful for leaving her like that. No matter how much guilt consumed I still knew that I couldn't change.

At least not truly. Getting them to trust me again was going to be a journey. My thoughts were proven true as I pulled into the gravel drive to see Lily sitting with a cup of coffee at her thigh. Her legs were draped over the wooden steps with her bathroom wrapped around her pajamas. Un-granted sleep coated her brown eyes.

Neither of us spoke. The only sound was the beep of my truck as I hit the lock button on my keys. Lily didn't hop up and rush over to me. Words didn't come flying out of her mouth as she scolded me for running away. I didn't beg and profusely apologize. Instead, I sat at her side and leaned into her lifted arm.

Warmth and softness smothered my arms as she held me in her loving grip. It reminded me of my mother.

"I only react because I care."

"I won't promise I'm okay."

I knew she didn't want me to promise anything. She just needed a sense of clarity. Her hand hovered above my own, "We'll get there eventually." Skin met skin as her hand fell on mine to give it a soft squeeze.

Taking away her hope would be dirty of me. She needed something to comfort her and I'd let the devil drag me to hell before I'd be the one to ruin her only peace.

"What do you even wear to these things?" I watched Kelsey push the hangers from side to side as she inspected each dress. All different colors and lengths.

"A dress?" Her head peered over her shoulder with her sly comment.

"No shit, Sherlock."

"What did you have in mind? Any specific colors" All the colors of the rainbow were shoved into her closet.

"I don't know. Hailey said I looked good in red."

As if she was imagining me all decked out in a fancy dress, Kelsey stared everywhere inch of my body down. Causing me to grow anxious for what she might be thinking. I looked from her to the open closet behind her, would I even fit in her dresses? She was tiny.

Pictures of my own body blocked Kelsey and the room around me from my view. All I could see was every centimeter of disgust and flaws that covered my body head to toe. All the names I had been called deafened my ears. And all the names I would be called. It all crashed into me in waves. It felt like I had been pulled under a greedy wave and no matter how hard I tried to swim, I was never going to break the waters surface.

I was stuck, spinning under the water. My body taking ever pressured blow of water and every rock I slammed into. And the last little breath I held in my lungs, finally bubbling to the surface.

"Alison?" Reality came back with Kelsey gripping my shoulders-shaking me to wake me up from the trance that had controlled my mind.

Fabric laid crumbled on top of itself at her feet. Her hands stayed gripping onto me even though I had awoken from my previous state- as if she was scared to let go of me, "What happened? Are you okay?"

Heavy breathes fell from my lips while I held on to the reality that I could breathe again. "I'm okay."

This wasn't new.

It wasn't a surprise.

It was a demon I had fought before. I had let it control me so many times- but never in front of someone else. It only happened when I was alone. Stuck with my own mind and every dark aspect of itself.

I could tell I scared Kelsey. She shook slightly with a faint quiver in her bottom lip. Tears brimmed her red eyes. "I'm okay. I just need a minute to breathe."

Moving like she has to force herself away, Kelsey hesitantly pulled her hands off my body allowing me to have a space of my own. It wasn't her hands that made me feel sick but the fact that I needed them on me to make me feel like I was alive. I was breathing and wide awake but somehow my body managed to play a trick on itself. Like my panic attack had convinced my body I had died.

Without her touching me I felt like I was back in the water- waiting for someone to pull me to the surface. With her touch, I was ripped out of the water. I could feel the sun against my cold skin. And my lungs could function without fire. They didn't burn every time I inhaled.

"I think I should go home."

"Let me drive you or let me call lily or Hailey to pick you up. I won't let you drive yourself home." I held my truck keys in my pocket and even though she did not have them, I knew she would and could stop me from getting them to my truck.

"No, I've put them through enough this week already." It had only been three days since lily and I had a sit down about what had happened.

Suddenly the idea of home didn't seem right anymore. I didn't want Hailey or lily to see me like this again. It had only been three days but within those days- I had began working on gaining trust again. At dinner I forced myself to eat and would only purge hours after, when everyone had gone to sleep. I kept it realistic and only ate a little bit at a time to show them that I was building myself back up.

At first Hailey called bullshit but last night she told me how proud she was of me. She said that this wasn't going to be easy, but that she was there and would always be there for me when I needed her. And lily sat with a smile on her face every night for dinner. Every bite I took I could see the little breath of relief she let loose.

I did not want to ruin that so soon.

"No, I'll text Aiden. Lily is working a shift and Hailey is at cheer. I don't want to disturb them."

"Okay."

Aiden picked me up with no questions for me or Kelsey. At least not to my face or hers while I stood by her. But in the car I saw his phone light up with a text from Eli telling Aiden what Kelsey had told him had happened.

Aiden drove with one hand on the wheel and the other locked with mine as usual. Everything seemed like it normally did when we rode together but this time I noticed the faint white in his knuckles as he gripped the wheel. And the graze of his teeth as he chewed lightly on the inside of his cheek. It had bothered him that I hadn't spoken to him about my episode. Yet he didn't push or demand that I did.

He remembered what I had told him and he respected it. Which only caused the knot in my stomach to further twist.
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