Ice Cold

Chapter Six

Hayden

          I knew by Lex's expression that she didn't believe it. I'd given her no reason to. I knew my answers weren't believable. It was the best I could do in just the amount of time as two classes could give me. I wasn't focused on the answers I would give her so much during football practice which is probably why some of the questions she asked worried me, but I saw them coming one way or another.

          Lex couldn't know. I couldn't let her find out the real answers. I was only able to give her half of the truth tonight. If I'd given her the whole truth, then her protection would have been on the line.

         To protect Lex, she couldn't find out the truth and I was determined to do that. I don't care if I had to be out right awful to her or not talk to her for months. If that's what it took to keep her safe, then I would do it. Her just living with me is a danger to her but I can't change that. I know what Connor thought about her when he first got here and it was my fault because she lived with me.

          Lex has been nothing but kind to me ever since we were little. Even before my parent's died. The least I could do to repay her was to protect her. I glanced over at her solemn face. I knew she was turning my answers over and over in her head right now.

          I wanted to tell her the truth about me. I wanted to tell her the truth about everything. She was always honest with me but I couldn't do the same. I could never tell her.

          I feared Lex would never look at me the same again. Even if I could and I knew she would be okay with it I wouldn't. If I told her then her world would be forever changed and she would be put in danger. I could never do that to Lex.

          I felt her eyes on me as I looked out the window. I ran a hand through my hair as I started to feel off and I instantly wanted to jump out the car and run as fast and far away from Lex as I could. I turned my head away from her as I used all my concentration to resist the urge. The want to get away from Lex wasn't out of anger or disgust.

          It was simply so I could protect her from the urge that threatened to make me lose control. It happened every time I was too close to someone or in a tight area. It was almost like being claustrophobic. I heard Lex saying my name but it only made my urge to turn around grow worse.

          As soon as I started clenching the seat under me I thought I would lose it. I'd already almost lost it too many times in front of Lex. When I felt her touch my shoulder it was like needles pricking my skin but strangely comforting as well and I clinched my teeth together. I was scared I wouldn't be able to hold it back this time. After I stayed like that for a while the urge that threatened to make me lose control of my sanity slowly faded and I started feeling more and more like myself.

          I checked my reflection in the glass window for a second to see if I looked normal before I glanced at Lex. She looked worried and scared. She'd pulled over on the side of the road so she could help me. "Don't tell Lily and Chad," I immediately said. If they knew then my life would be over and I would never be allowed to come here again.

          "Hayden, this is happening way too often now. I have to tell somebody," Lex said, that same determined look in her eye she got whenever she felt like something was important.

          "I'm fine. It was just a migraine," I lied.

          "I've never seen you have a migraine like that," she said, leaning back in her seat.

          "I'll take medicine when I get home, just don't tell Lily or Chad," I insisted.

          She looked at me for a long time, trying to decide if she should or not. I gave her one of my pleading faces that I hated giving. It felt like I was revealing too much and that I wanted to be pitied, but I didn't, not even the slightest bit.

          "Fine, but if it gets worse you better tell me," Lex said and then turned straight in her seat and pulled back onto the road.

          I sighed in relief. These urges had to go away, but with Connor and the others here they have only grown worse. When Lex pulled in the driveway she glanced at me and I glanced back before getting out and walking to the door. I opened the door and Lily immediately wrapped me in a hug. Lily and Chad know my secret and I was surprised and still am surprised that they still granted my parent's wish and let me live with them and their daughter.

          I gave Lily a quick hug back and then pulled away. Lily smiled up at me and then Lex and Lily embraced and I watched them from the kitchen table. When Lex caught my eye she gave me a questioning look and I feared she would tell Lily. I help up my finger and walked over to the medicine cabinet. I put the medicine in my mouth and held out my hands indicating that I was fine.

          Lex grinned and then her and Lily lunged into a conversation. I walked down the hall and into my room and then spit the medicine out in my trashcan. I could still hear Lily and Lex talking in the kitchen but it didn't aggravate me. When Lex walked back to her room she hesitated in front of my door like she always did after something like the incident in the car happened but she never comes in.

          I heard her grab the doorknob and my curiosity sparked as I stared at the door. When she didn't move for a few moments I got up and opened the door to see if she needed anything. I didn't say anything; I knew Lex would answer why she was there without me having to ask.

          "Oh, umm... sorry, I was just about to ask if you were okay after... you know," she said and I tilted my head in question.

          "I'm fine," I said, and then I heard Lily coming towards the hallway but I couldn't move away or Lex would think something was up.

          I'd rather Lily think something was wrong instead of Lex. Lex always got to the bottom of it. One of the reasons I kept my distance from her. It was hard sometimes but after today I knew that I needed to. Especially after today at lunch. I couldn't help but think about how I wished Connor would have chosen to have that conversation in private.

          "Good, let me know─," Lex started but I interrupted.

          "If it gets worse, I know, and I will," I said.

          Lex nodded and then went back to her room. I knew Lex felt like we were strangers instead of childhood best friends but there was nothing I could do about that now. When my situation with my parents happened my life changed forever. I had my reasons for being distant.

          I laid on my bed and rested for a while until dinner was ready. It was always my job to get Lex for dinner. I walked back to Lex's room and knocked. When there was no answer I called her name and when I still didn't get an answer I quickly opened the door, fearing Connor or somebody else like him would be in there.

          When Lex's door swung open and hit the wall behind it I saw Lex jump and sit up from her bed. She'd been asleep so I didn't have to worry. "Jeez, do you always have to be so loud?" She asked. I hadn't meant to slam the door into the wall, it just happened.

          "Sorry, dinner is ready and I know you don't miss a meal so..." I started and trailed off when she threw a pillow at me.

          I let it hit me in the side and was surprised to feel that is was one of her pillows that felt like a brick. I wasn't expected it and it took me by surprise, "ow," I said and when she laughed I smiled and then her laughter faded as she looked at me with curiosity. I realized I'd smiled in front of her. I never do that, never, because smiling reminds me of when my life was happy.

          "I'll be right there," she said, still giving me a look of curiosity.

          I nodded and then shut the door. I couldn't believe I'd done that. My goal was to be distant with her so I would protect her and that meant even to protect her from me. Lex could never know my secret and I could never let mistakes like what just happened and episodes like in the car happen again.