**2016 WATTYS WINNER FOR VISUAL STORYTELLING**
Letting her appearance fall to the wayside and desperate to find a reason for her life, Marilyn sits half naked in an Urgent Care examination room with a mysterious skin itch. If she can survive the hum...
Leaning up against my CRV, I wait patiently on hold to speak to the 24 hour consulting nurse—rubbing up against the bumper so I'm not scratching my untouchables in front of all my neighbors. Although, now it looks like I'm humping my car—but, whatever. In any case, I trace the shiny Honda symbol with my finger out of boredom. Right on cue, my ADD kicks in and I break into song.
[sings] "So your girlfriend rolls a Honda, playin' workout tapes by Fonda But Fonda ain't got a motor in the back of her Honda My anaconda don't want none Unless you've got buns, hon
I like big butts and I can not lie You other brothers can't deny—"
"Hi, my name is Nurse Maven," a female voice says over the phone, bringing my parking lot musical performance to an instantaneous end. "How may I help you today?"
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"Hi. I'm calling because I'm unsure about my current physical state and since my doctor's office is about to close I thought I should probably call—just to make sure. I tried searching Google to see if I could figure out what it was, but I'm still not quite sure what it is. It's probably nothing. I feel silly for even calling. I hardly ever go to the doctor because—"
"Sweetheart," Nurse Maven interrupts. "What symptoms are you experiencing? Let's start there."
I take a deep breath—thoughts swirling in my brain. I'm not even sure where to start with my explanation. "My best guess after searching online is that I have some sort of allergic reaction. But I'm not allergic to anything—other than bug bites—so it seems weird it would be an allergic reaction. I mean, I swell up some when I get bit by a mosquito or spider or something, but nothing like this. I literally feel like I fell asleep in the world's largest spider's nest."
"Oh, yuck," the nurse responds sympathetically. "And what symptoms make you suspect it's an allergic reaction?"
"I have this growing rash on my body. It's so itchy, it's almost burning."
"And where is this rash spreading."
Damn it! I knew she was going to ask that question. I walk to the other side of my car to help shield my voice from any eavesdropping ears. "It's under my arms. On butt. On my thighs. Between my legs. Under my boobs. In my butt crack. Pretty much all the private areas."
"Your breathing sounds a bit winded. Are you having difficulty breathing?"
"Well, I've sort of gained a few pounds recently. I'm sure it's just the excess weight. I really need to start exercising again. And right before calling I walked into a spider web, so I'm probably still recovering from that."
"But have you noticed any change in your breathing since having this rash or hives?"
I think back to the earliest hours of the morning when I had to lay on my porch bench for fresh air. "I suppose. I noticed earlier this morning I was having some difficulty breathing. But again, I've gained a bunch of weight recently, so I'm sure my body is being weighed down by the pressure of all the excess weight. I really do need to start exercising and eating better."
