begin again [reus]

dreizehn: memories

MIA

"You have so much junk in your room, Mia," my mother scowled as she went through all the clothes in my walk-in closet. She sorted through the heaps of clothes and even laughed as she held up a t-shirt that was way too small for me. "Really?"

I rolled my eyes and took the t-shirt from her and folded it neatly, putting it back on one of the racks.

"Mom, some of these clothes mean a lot to me."

"Then throw out the ones that don't mean anything!" she said, and then held up a plain white t-shirt that had a few grease stains on it and definitely an ice cream stain on the midriff part. "Like this..."

I blushed and took the shirt from her and put it in the cardboard box labelled 'THROW AWAY'.

I was doing some cleaning since my mother noticed that I had more useless stuff than useful stuff in my closet, which was true. She even called me a hoarder.

I went to go look at my pants while my mother continued looking for clothes that I could donate or throw away. I looked through my jeans and my shorts when I heard something clutter to the floor. I turned around to see my mother looking at me innocently.

On the ground was a box that I knew all too well. Most of its contents were spread out on my floor. I scrambled for the box and quickly stuffed all the stuff back into it. I grabbed the lid and closed it before shoving it under my coats that were hanging on a rack.

My mother looked at me strangely and I huffed, running a hand through my hair.

"What was that?" she asked me.

I shrugged, "Nothing important. Just some old stuff from old friends," I lied. I helped my mom off the small stepladder and led her out of the closet, shutting the door behind us. "Don't worry about it, mom. Let's go make some lunch."

+

After my mother left, I walked back into my closet to continue looking for clothes that I could possibly donate to charity or just throw away. I walked towards one of the wardrobes and pulled open the door. While I was searching for clothes, the box kept coming back to my head.

I haven't opened the box in months and I didn't want to break the streak tonight. But the voice in my head was telling me to open it. I knew that if I opened it I'd seriously regret it, but I never did have such a strong conscience anyway.

I turned and looked at the box, still underneath all the coats. I bit my lip and thought about it for a while longer, having a silent argument with myself. I finally took a deep breath and reached out, grabbing the box and pulling it towards me.

I sat in the middle of my closet, sitting cross legged on the floor. There was a thin layering of dust on the top of the box and I gently blew most of it away. I opened the lid gently and set it down under the box.

Immediately, a wave of nostalgia punched me straight in the nose.

Inside the box was everything that Marco gave me during the few months that we were together. Before the event in Berlin where Marco and I met for the first time after the break up, I flew home to Dortmund to get some stuff ready for the next leg of the tour.

I remember sitting on my bed with tears streaming down my face. At that moment, I wasn't feeling anything besides anger. I hated Marco and I hated that there was so much of him in my room. Heck, there was so much of him in my home.

The way his scent lingered on my pillows and my blankets, how I had pictures of us hanging on my walls and on some tables, how I had some of his clothes still in my wardrobe. I hated it. So, I did the only thing that would calm me down - I grabbed every single thing that reminded me of him and stuffed it into a huge box and shoved it to the highest part of my closet and forgot all about it.

That is, until this moment.

The first thing that I saw in the box was a framed picture of Marco and I. We were in Disneyland in Paris during the trip that Anna and Vincent arranged for us. The one where Marco and I finally got together on that dreaded elevator.

Marco and I were grinning at the camera. I had Minnie ears on and Marco was wearing a Mickey snapback. I was holding a chocolate-covered popsicle and behind us was the famed castle. The both of us looked so happy, it felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest.

I put the frame down and went for the second thing in the box.

It was a CD encased in its clear packaging. 'FROM MARCO TO MIA' was written on the CD in big blue letters. I opened the case and took out the paper from behind the CD. It said, 'hey m, i know mixtapes are totally old school but i just thought you might like some sappy love songs :) xoxo, your boyfriend (it's marco btw)'.

Under Marco's handwriting was a badly drawn doodle of the both of us. I laughed softly, remembering how I teased Marco about his drawings endlessly. I set the CD down and grabbed the next thing that just so happened to be a yellow jersey.

I cursed softly under my breath as I grabbed the smooth fabric in my hands. I held it up and sighed as I looked at his name printed on the jersey along with his number. He gave me the jersey to wear when I slept over at his place once, and I remember telling him I'd never give it back to him when I felt how comfortable it was. He didn't object. Instead, he told me I looked great in it.

I tossed the jersey away and pressed the bottom of my hands to my eyes, trying to keep the tears in. It was causing me so much pain to go through all his stuff. All our stuff. But I couldn't stop. I don't know why, but I just couldn't.

I reached out and blindly grabbed for another thing in the box. What I picked up from the box made me bite down on my lip hard.

In my hands was the tissue paper that Marco wrote on that night in the elevator in Paris. I blinked and let a tear fall from my eye as I read the smudged writing on the paper. The tissue was ripped in some edges and the ink from the pen was smudged, but I could make out the words. Or...maybe I've memorised them after staring at the words for so long all those months ago.

'Marco will:

· Support Mia through everything

· Be her best friend

· Be there wherever and whenever she needs him

· Buy as many pints of ice cream as she wants

· Watch as many chick flicks as she wants with her

· Take her everywhere she wants to go

· Be the best boyfriend she could ever ask for

· He won't break her heart.'

Sobs racked through my body as I read the last line of the contract. I felt a pounding headache come on and I quickly wiped away my tears, fanning my face as I tried to calm down. Quickly, I grabbed everything I had taken out and stuffed it back into the box.

I hastily grabbed the lid, pushed it over the top of the box and pushed it to the furthest part of my closet. I quickly walked towards the door of the closet and looked at the box one last time before turning off the lights in the closet. I exited the room and closed the door behind me, ready to restart the process of purging Marco from my thoughts again.

//

:( i just felt like writing something sad so there you go

i can't believe it's been over a year since i published settle down!! it feels like i just started this account last month tbh :/

anyway, i hope you liked this chapter! please vote and comment and tell me what you guys thought of this chapter! your comments always make my day <3

happy reading lovelies!xx