Torn Tears

Wrong

I want to spend the night wrapped in Lucas's arms up in Elliot's attic. However, I didn't feel comfortable asking Elliot if I could stay in his home to be with our refugee. 

So I find myself alone in Lucas's bed, tangled in his blankets with my face pressed to his pillow. Since I've gotten him back, any time apart from Lucas feels like a waste. I turn on music from my phone and stare through the darkness at the bedroom door. I watch for Lucas to come bursting through it despite knowing he won't.

I don't sleep.

But I wake up early after a fitful sleep. I text Elliot to ask if I can come over for breakfast. Ten minutes later he warns me that Lucas isn't awake, as though it  might deter me from coming.

I park the car in Elliot's driveway at 7:51.

I wake Lucas up, kissing him, at 7:54.

By 8:45, I'm leaving with Elliot for work.

*****

We get more knowing looks and you're-such-a-cute-couple comments than we did yesterday. We haven't actually had to kiss to convince people that we're an item. We merely hold hands, hug, and give each other chaste cheek kisses. Everyone fills in the blanks with their imaginations.

Until Mayor Garrison shows up. I've only been around the man in meetings, but from what I've heard, he's even more intimidating one on one. I hear him asking the lady covering my desk for me where I am.

"In his girl's office. I think he's taking her to lunch or something."

I came to Jess's office to see if she wanted to grab lunch, so at first I'm unconcerned until the lady continues.

"But if you ask me, I'd guess they're making out."

Garrison laughs. "Young love. I'll go check for myself."

"Pretend I'm Lucas or we're dead." I hiss, grabbing Jess and pulling her to me.

"What the--"

"The mayor's coming and he needs to think we're--" I cut myself off and begin kissing Jess just before Mayor Garrison knocks on the door and lets himself in.

It's a short kiss, but enough to make me feel like a low, low person. Not a respectable man at all. I won't be able to look Lucas in his eyes.

We jerk apart as Mayor Garrison chuckles. "Who do you think you were fooling?"

*****

I pace the floor of the attic. Jess and Elliot should have been back from work thirty minutes ago. I try to reason with myself that they might be working over on a project of some sort, but in my gut, I know something's not right.

Thirty minutes stretch into an hour.

I chance a phone call to my parents. Mom cries again when she hears my voice, telling her I love her and miss her. Dad takes over the conversation, then. He's angry. That much is obvious. He's happy I am alive, but I don't know that he'll ever forgive me for what I'm putting them through. Briley steals the phone from my dad and excitedly tells me that she used her ninja princess skills to swipe it. I suspect Dad was just done talking and let her have the phone. I tell Briley to continue her training and she'll be as good as me someday. We hang up as she goes off to play.

My next move in this dicey game might be my last. If it is, at least I'll go out knowing I got to tell my family good-bye. Even if they didn't realize that's what it was. Dad knows, I think.

I swiftly type an incriminating text to Elliot.

Are you working late or in trouble?

His response prompts snakes to coil and hiss venomously in my stomach.

S.O.L Mayor

Screwed out of luck.  I swear loudly and colorfully for no one to hear.

Where?

Stay.

Elliot should know that if he and Jess are in immediate danger, there will be nothing in Heaven or Hell to keep me from trying to help.

WHERE?

Jail soo

I can only assume the authorities confiscated his phone and he only just had time to hit send on the incomplete message.

It's all I need. I quickly search Elliot's home for weapons. I choose not to question why he has a small handgun under his bed. Only three bullets.

I swallow hard as I slide the gun into my waistband and the bullets in my pocket. Mama didn't raise me to shoot people. I don't think I have it in me to shoot someone. Maybe, once I did, but not after the way Jackson was murdered. Not since I've seen Briley grow up without parents. Not since Dad told me I'd get myself shot doing things this way.

I find a long bladed knife in the kitchen. I have no sheath to put it in, but I want to take it. Easier to injure with a knife than to kill with a gun. I cut a hand towel into a smaller strip to wrap the knife. Then, I slide it through a belt loop and pull my shirt over it so just the end of the towel is sticking out.

I utter a quick prayer for forgiveness of all the things I might be preparing to do. I don't think I'll have the time to later.

I lock the door behind me and take off down side streets and alleys.

*****

Something wasn't right in my son's tone when he called. He's always underestimated my mother's intuition. He won't realize I know he was saying farewell. He'll only think I cried from overwrought emotions. No one knows I'm already grieving for my youngest son and would-be daughter-in-law. James plays with Briley and I clutch Lucas's letter to my chest, sitting on his top bunk. I'm praying and hoping beyond hope that just this one time for my intuition to be wrong.