Torn Tears

Let Down

I'm sick of Elliot and it's only noon. He insisted on taking me out to lunch during the hour break that city hall is closed. 

"Have you encountered any problems so far?" Elliot asks casually before shoving a French fry into his mouth.

He ordered a burger and fries. I got a chicken salad and water with a lemon wedge.

I pause my fork's progress to my mouth. "No. My copying skills have been quite sufficient."

"I'm glad to hear it." He rips into a bite of his hamburger then wipes his mouth.

Maybe he isn't a total pig.

"What should I work on when we get back?" I take a sip of my water.

Elliot holds up a hand as if to stop me. "When we're at lunch, we don't talk about work. Besides," His tone softens, "It's Friday. Relax a little. We'll start more detailed work on Monday."

I nod and continue eating my salad while Elliot drones on about the finer details of his high school academic career. By this time next year, he'll be a college graduate. His wages will be much higher, he tells me with a smile.

"That's great." I feel obligated to say it though I could not care less.

"Do you have any plans for further education?"

It's an honest enough question, I suppose. But when I'm only just retrieving my past, the future seems like an impossible concept. I try to answer as politely as possible. I want to inspire shame in Elliot for his work. "Uh," I tuck a lock of hair behind my ear, "You see, I don't entirely remember. I'm sure I do have plans. I've just focused so much on my history that the immediate future has slipped from me."I look into Elliot's clear blue eyes. No other color tampers with the blueness of them. I decide to add a lie for bonus guilt. "My inability to focus on the future was part of the problem that came between Lucas and me. He was all big ideas and plans. He hated it when I couldn't even remember which university we'd both committed to." I still can't. We never mentioned it. The present outweighed the future in terms of importance during our short time together.

Elliot has the tact to look slightly embarrassed. His next words take any respect at all I held for him. "As much as you probably hurt, know that it's for the best, Jess. You wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a person knowing they cost you the recollection of your entire past. It would have gnawed at you had stayed together."

He looks perfectly sincere as he reaches for my hand across the table. I immediately busy myself with wiping my mouth with a paper napkin. I hope he notes my lack of desire for contact with him. I only agreed to come to lunch because I had hoped for juicy information about the government. Evidently, Elliot is a bit smarter than that.

Taking my hint, Elliot gives me a slightly resigned nod. "If you want to head back early, I can show you a project a bit more interesting than making copies for me."

I nod and stand, smoothing my skirt. "I think that would be beneficial."

I hoist the strap of my little purse higher on my shoulder and dig Lucas's car keys out of the pocket. I had the common sense not to let Elliot drive me. I am to trust no one. Elliot believed my lie of my reasoning behind wanting to drive myself--relearn the layout of the town.

Something classified as "a bit more interesting" consists of organizing a mess of files into appropriate folders on a desktop computer.