Torn Tears

Surfacing

The water kisses my fingers as I trace the surface. It holds my body in the closest sort of embrace. I tiptoe like a ballerina until I must choose to kick or let the water close over my head.

I kick.

Pieces of my hair have slipped from my topknot and now stick to my neck with dampness. I swivel myself around to face Lucas. We need to face our problems. I tried in the car, but now I swallow my breath and let myself sink.

I move like an otter, careless and smooth. Arms circle my hips and ease me to the surface.

I sip in a breath. I'm peaceful for now.

"It's amazing. Isn't it?" Lucas gazes past me to the open water beyond. In the distance, we can see the opposite shore. On a cloudier day, I doubt we would be able to.

"Why don't more people come so early?"

"It wouldn't be so early or so special if they did."

I don't correct him with my thoughts. I think, that most people only truly have their eyes open during the mysticism of sleep, never fully seeing the day for all of its wonder. I think this is the worst sort of living--valuing rest over experience. There is much more to life than just swinging from day to day by ropes of unconsciousness. I'll take my sleeplessness as it comes.

I've been wide awake since the second I woke up.

I casually splash Lucas.

He sends a tidal wave to me.

"Okay then." I slick most of the water from my face and tilt to my back to kick water at Lucas.

"You're adorable when you're competitive." Lucas steps closer, still on his toes and not treading water.

"This isn't a fair match." I backstroke away.

"What is fair?" He grins and snatches my feet, reeling me in close.

I shove water in his face and he lets go of my feet, but he recovers and catches my arms.

"I'll never win against you, will I?" I feign defeat.

"I'm always winning when it comes to you, Angel." He loosens his grip and traces my arms up to my elbows then slithers his palms to my waist.

Despite the cool water, his hands are warm against my skin.

"Ever the romantic, Luc." I tread closer to him and snake my hands to his shoulders.

"I'm hopelessly in love with you." He smiles. There's almost a sadness to it and I know he's still feeding the monster of his guilt.

"Where there's love there's always hope." I nestle my head to the hollow of his collar bone.

A content sigh slips through his lips.

I take the opportunity to lighten the mood and splash Lucas's back.

He stiffens against me.

"Did I hurt you?" I wouldn't have expected to. It's just water.

"Nah. I'm just a little sore." He pushes a piece of his hair back.

Thoughtlessly, I rub Lucas's back.

After a moment, his eyes flutter shut. He guides my hands to his shoulder blades where I imagine he's the sorest.

All at once I feel darkly guilty and lucky in an undeserving way. I need to speak, but words are slippery, tricky things. "I will do anything for you."

Lucas brings my hands in front of him, just holding them. He opens his mouth, but I cut him off.

"I know."

"How did you know I was going to repeat your words?" He smiles.

"Because you prove them everyday with you actions." I gently push him backwards so I can finally touch bottom again.

"We're beginning to sound a bit Romeo and Juliet-esque."

I only smile until I remember the ending of the play. "I pray we'll never end up like them."

"You've always hated Shakespeare." He shakes his head.

"I don't recall you liking his works so much either." I give him a pointed look.

"Because I never have." He laughs, then continues on a serious note, "You've been remembering more, haven't you?"

I shrug uncomfortably. "Bits and pieces that don't mean much. Useless facts."

"Nothing's useless, I'm sure. Tell me something."

I dig around for a piece and come up blank. "I can't really summon a memory at will like a normal person. It's more like they come to me when I don't expect it or when I'm relaxed or sleeping."

"I suppose that makes sense." He sounds a bit disappointed. I am, too.

I try harder. Lucas takes pride in his car, piece of trash that it is. He paid for it himself with his hard earned money, blood, and sweat. Fixed it up so it would run. Sanded it down and painted it back a nice, smooth black.

These things I know as facts. I clench my eyes shut. There's a humor twisted somewhere in them. I can sense it. Lucas didn't yet have his driver's license when he got the car, even though he drove it home himself. The humor lies near to that, I think.

"You failed your driving test the first time. You jumped the curb on the way back into the test center parking lot." I open my eyes to see Luc rolling his.

"Of all the things to remember, Angel, you had to remember my one driving infraction."

"That was one of the first things your dad said when I met him. He asked if you'd hit any curbs on the way over. Nervousness and all, like when you failed your driver's test."

"It's wonderful watching you remember."

"Except I can't even remember if I have my own license." I laugh in a self-deprecating way.

"You do. You passed your test in my car at the end of February."

"Was it my first try?"

Lucas clenches his jaw then grimaces slightly. "Yeah."

"So, I beat the god of cars in terms of driving skills?" I flash a devilish smile.

"No." He fires back automatically.

"Really? How about I drive home and I can be the judge of that? I bet I won't hit any curbs or miss any turns."

"I was only distracted by your overwhelming beauty."

"I shouldn't have a problem, then." I plant a peck right on the split in his lips and swim off towards the shore.

He follows me, smiling, "We have to hike while we're out here. That's part of our lake day ritual, too."

"Let's swim a little while longer." I dive under the water, aching to be a mermaid and to leave behind the troubles of the surface.

He follows me and I wish we could live forever down here in the dirty, perfect water.