Torn Tears

Angel

For a young man of slender build who had taken seven and a half dosages of Benadryl, Lucas is completely wide eyed on the drive to his apartment.

"Ricardo, can't you drive faster? You're a cop. No one's going to pull you over. Turn on your sirens and get me home!"

His desperation haunts me. I flip my sirens on and push the gas pedal closer and closer to the floorboards.

*****

7:59 p.m.

I am done with tears.

I am done with pain.

I am done.

I don't think Lucas would ever forgive me if he knew what I was doing.

But he is not here--a fact I can't live with. He has been everything I needed. He has saved me too many times. I am strong, but he will always be my better half.

Maybe, I'll be allowed to see him again.

I stare into the basin of the sink.

I imagine my blood dried against it and I wonder who will find me. I left the door unlocked so anyone can come in.

8:00 p.m.

Knives would be quicker, easier. But I am turning to my trusty enemy--the razor. I finger its handle carefully in my left hand. I stroke my right index finger along the blades, raising a thin line of blood along the tip.

8:01 p.m.

Behind me, the bathroom door bangs open.

Lucas.

He is supposed to be dead.

I'm about to launch myself into his arms, but something in his expression halts me.

Rather, his lack of expression. His face is emotionless. He is worse than dead. He is erased, made to forget.

*****

I have an uneasy feeling that I should check on Jess. She's probably fine. I'm probably worrying for no good reason. I took all of the razors. While I'm smart enough to know there are countless other ways, I don't think Jess will hurt herself through any of them. I think I discouraged her enough, showed her I care. I put my number in her phone on my way out of her apartment. If she needs me, she can surely find it. I settle into watching television. I'm not paying attention.

*****

It takes me a moment to make my voice work.

Almost not enough.

Almost not in time.

When sound comes out of my mouth, I speak with all of my heart, my whole soul. 

"Angel."

*****

An ocean of sentiments, oppositely equal to the drought of emotions I experienced after my erasure, floods every atom of my being with just one word uttered from my prince's mouth.

My name.

Angel.

But before the name is off his lips, I'm in his arms clinging for dear life. His heartbeat is my favorite sound in the world.  His strong arms are home.

*****

When I walk into the bathroom, I don't think either of them notice me. A razor is by he sink on the counter. A smear of blood is on the back of Lucas's shirt directly beneath Jess's finger. 

Lucas has my number if he needs me. They need their time. I almost destroyed them from overdosing Lucas.

 Almost not in time.

I let myself out of the apartment, locking and closing the door.

My work is complete for now.

I was able to save their love, their life in the exact way that I wasn't able to save my wife.

*****

We came too close to the edge of oblivion. Now, we have shattered ourselves and our pieces are lying at our feet, mixed together and matching.

For once, it does not feel bad to be broken.