Stained Wings

Chapter Eleven

"I'm just looking for an angel with a broken wing."

- Jimmy Page

Amelia

"Dean," I said slowly, "why did I love you?"

His grip loosened as he stepped back. "What?" he asked and I looked away.

I remembered who I was and I remembered all the pain I had, but I woke up from my memory and looked over at a peaceful Dean, sleeping next to the small hospital bed and I expected to feel love for him when I saw him, but I didn't.

I used to know him, I remembered that. Even in my memories I loved him, but that's all I remembered. That I loved him. And it scared me to death, because I don't love him now.

I was having all these intense feelings and memories from a past me that loved a past him, but the present me couldn't really comprehend these feelings yet. They stayed with the dreams.

It killed me, because those kind of feelings were exactly what I wanted my whole life. Now that I felt them, they were only memories. The memories I had left me broken inside. I didn't know how to get rid of the frustration and pain I felt, so I stood up, got dressed in a pair of clothes that lay on the bed next to me and stepped outside for some fresh air. That's when I saw that the barn lights were on, so I decided to blow of some steam.

I looked up at Dean and said, "I understand that I may have loved you once, Dean and I get that you still love me, but I've never met you before and for me this is all so weird."

Dean clenched his fists and searched my eyes. "Imagine being kidnapped by a crazy guy who almost kills you and then having a memory filled with such raw love for a guy you've never met before." I said. Dean was silent and it worried me. Minutes passed with him just staring at the ground, fists clenching and unclenching.

"What about the dreams before?" he asked and I frowned.

"What dreams, Dean?" I asked and when he didn't answer me I said, "The only dream I've had of you so far was the memory."

Dean looked at me and his eyes were filled with misery.

"Goodnight, then, Lia." He said and turned his back to me. "You can take the first room on your left. Its unoccupied."

"Goodnight, Dean." I said, reaching out a hand to touch his shoulder, but stopped myself. I could tell that he was hurting and decided to let him be. I didn't want to complicate things for him even more than I have. I stepped out of the door and closed it behind me.

As I walked away I heard a loud crack as Dean punched a wall. It hurt me to hurt him like this, but how can you love someone you don't even know?

It wouldn't be fair to him either. I opened the room and smiled. It was a simple, white painted room. Everything was white and I loved it. White bed sheets, a white wooden dresser and a white carpet. The only problem was that the bathroom was a connected bathroom to Dean's room. I made it a point to talk to him about it and come to some sort of arrangement.

I got into the bed and looked at the ceiling. It was like I was waking up for the first time in years and I felt great.

My mind found what Azriel had said that night he kidnapped me.

They want to break the cycle and I can't let that happen. How else will you be punished?

I finally understood what he had meant. He punished me for betraying him by cursing me and he didn't want the curse to be broken because then I wouldn't be punished anymore. I didn't even notice when I fell asleep, but I woke up with the sun shining in my face.

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Chapter Twelve awaits!