The Bad boy's secret

Chapter 2: Apparently I need to network more!

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As I am getting ready for school the next day I keep repeating the mantra to myself. 'Just four more days after today, just four more days after today......' I groan as I actually realize that I have four more days of school after today!

I absolutely hate school with a passion! I detest the b*tchy, cliquey girls, the uniform, the work and the teachers. The only friend that I have at the school is Emily who spends most of her time being popular, so I don't really see her in school.

We meet through our Moms who are best friends but she generally ignores me in school. I know that its not thr makings of a real friend but shes the only one I have so I have to hold on to her.

She seems to only really talk to me if she has a problem or if she wants something. Sometimes it does get a bit too much for me and I have to force back the tears as I don't want people to see me as weak. They already see me as a pathetic creature and I don't want anymore negative feelings against me.

I push these negative thoughts out of my head and I get ready for school pondering over my farce of a friendship. One thing I know for certain is that I will never be strong enough to break off my friendship with Emily. I know that you may judge me but you don't know my situation, what I've been through and how hard I have had to fight for that one friend. 

Even though school is generally depressing I do enjoy it just a tiny bit. At lunch-time I like looking a the popular groups and analyze them. They are all so alike. It's so funny to watch them. They all look as if they are in pain like it hurts to be so popular.

I get to the bus just on time and I take my seat at the front of the bus. I keep my head turned away from the back as i know that the 'in crowd' are almost eye-balling me.

I hear snickering and laughing but to be honest I don't really care. They can laugh at me all they want. I comfort myself with the thought that I will be president in the future and they will spend their lives working in McDonald's. I can imagine myself rolling up in my limousine and barking out orders to them. Oh how fun my fantasies are!

Sure, who doesn't enjoy playing secret agent in thr corridors. I know that you are all probably looking at me like I'm weird now but over the last two years I have had to become invisible so that the popular crowd don't target me in the corridors.

I know that life won't always be like this. I jjust have to grit my teeth and get on with my sorry excuse of a life. I'm literally counting down the days to college.

I arrive at school five minutes early and I decide to go to class early instead of socialising in the corridor. Who am I kidding? I have no one to socialise in the corridor with!

As I walk by I notice all the girls snicker at me and start whispering to their friends. I don't understand this as I look quite normal. I'm slim my long brown hair is always worn normally and in the fashionable hairstyles and I wear the same uniform as they do!

But, when I reall think about it they do look quite different to me. They all have long, perfect, straight hair. Their make-up is perfect. They are all extremely skinny and tall. They are also always boasting about all the parties they go to, all the guys they've laid and all the money they have.

Who am I kidding. I'll never be in the same league as them. I try to forget about them as I take my seat at the back of maths class. The same seat that I have been sitting on my own for two years.

I look at my homework and it is the same way as it always is; perfect and neat. When you're a social outcast your grades tend to be pretty high. That is one area of my life that my parents are proud of me in. They have high hopes for me. I'm hoping to get into the best college in the country and study medicine.

We are in the middle of maths class when someone knocks at the door. The door opens and the principal comes in with a student, a new girl I think.

The principal introduces her and says that her name is Jess. My maths teacher puts her beside me as it is the only free seat in the class. I give her the friendliest smile I can muster and tell her my name. She just nods her head and looks around the class in an observant fashion.

I'm a bit wary of her as I can see that she doesn't want to be seen with me. I have to admit that this still hurts me. I know that I should be used to it but I still get that dropping feeling in my gut when someone rejects me.

Over the next few days I try to be as helpful as I can to the new girl. I show her where her classes are, where the book room is and I try to keep her company.

I sit with her at lunch, making sure that she is not alone. I catch her staring dreamily at Ali Cole's table a few times.

"I would snap out of that if I were you"; I say to her. "If those crowds catch you staring at them then they will think you're weird and you will never get in with them. They will just want to give you a hard time."

"I wasn't staring at them"; she says." I'm just looking at the people that I will be in the same school as for the next two years. I ceratinly don't do anything as creepy as staring". When she is finished saying this She lifts her head pompously as if she is daring me to challenge her. 

I just say back; "Fine, sorry for accusing you of staring."

Her shoulders drop in dissapointment. I think she wanted an argument. Well, I don't fall into traps that easy.

I just find it so funny that she felt the need to lie about looking at that crowd. If she wasn't staring at that crowd, then I'm a monkey! It's pretty obvious that this girls is going to fit right into this jungle that they disguised as a school.

A few days later I'm in maths with her and I ask her 'How are you finding the school'?

She says that its fine but it's very cliquey. I reply 'I know I've been here for two years and I haven't made a single friend'.

She says 'Yes I've noticed that. Do you wanna know what your problem is? You're too nice and enthusiastic. You're looking for a friend when you should be looking to get into a group.

I used to be like that but I changed. I changed my attitude and I got myself a boyfriend and I became really popular in my old school. I'm going to try and get into a group here.

After finishing this statement the bell rang and she got up and left suddenly leaving me to wonder about how normal I am. What does she mean "I'm too nice"! How can you be too nice! I actually do not get this world.

The nice people seem to get no luck while the horrible, b*tchy people seem to have it all. This thought makes me so angry and fed up.  My cheeks are bright right with embarrassment and I couldn't believe how brash she was.

I know though by the way she was talking to me that she will be in with the popular crowd in the next few weeks. She hasn't even been here for a week! She has no right to judge me! She doesn't even know me! 

 After the comments made by Jess I feel my confidence shattering a little more. The day passes by in a blur for me.

I don't even notice all the people making fun of me. In fact, I don't really care at that moment. All I care about at that moment is the fact that I was rejected again. That was literally the worst conversation of my life!

That conversation brings up particular thoughts into my head which I know are not good for my mental health. Will I ever get invited to a party? Will I ever go to a dance?  Will a guy ever ask me on a date in school? Will I ever get my own group of friends? Will I ever be good enough for all of that?

At the moment I honestly don't know the answers to any of these questions and that thought terrifies me.

Tears are threatening to surface up but I push them down. I tell myself to save the tears to shed in private. The same thing that I have done for the last two years.

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