Cute As A Button (h.s)

Chapter Nineteen -....If You Want to Play on my Crutches then go Ahead.

Emily-Elizabeth's POV

I'm sat next to Harry as he sleeps. His hand is held in mine and I subconsciously stroke the back of it with my thumb. He's been in here for just over two weeks and the doctors said that he might be able to leave tomorrow afternoon which of course makes him happy.

We spent Christmas in the hospital this year; Louis, Eleanor, Perrie, Zayn, Niall, Liam, Dad, Maria and I. Nessa and Tom also came to visit during the afternoon as well and Harry's parents and Gemma came for the day too. It was nice seeing Gemma again. We hadn't seen each other for months so it was good to be able to have a catch up over the hospitals Christmas dinner. Yum. It's new year in a couple of days so it'll be nice to celebrate the end of this year with Harry by my side.

Maria went back to America on boxing day, which is this morning. She had to get back to her studies and she said that it'll be nice to spend new year with the other girls.

I've been away from America for a while now and my dad's begun banging on at me about getting my ass back onto a plane so that I can finish my studies. I know he's right and I'm going to have to go sometime, but I can't bring myself to leave Harry again. If I left him I'll be gone for at least another two years which means we'll be a part for so long and I don't know whether I can deal with that.

The creaks slightly as someone enters the room and I look up to see Zayn coming in, two cups of steaming hot coffee in his hands. He gives me a small smile and hands me one of the cups. I return his smile and thank him quietly.

"I didn't know you were here," I say taking a sip from the cup and letting the warmth run down my throat. It's been a while since I've had a coffee from this place and I'm amazed at how good it tastes.

"I just got here," he informs me taking a sip too. "I bumped into Louis on the way in, he told me you were here so I got you a coffee." He gestures to the drink in my hand and he nods with a smile. Then there's this silence that envelopes us and I mentally sigh in frustration.

Zayn and I have never really had the strongest relationship. I've often got the feeling that he doesn't like me and even though I get on great with Perrie there always seems to be this hostile environment when he's around me. Sometimes he's really nice to me, like just now when he bought me a coffee, but other times he comes across really snappy and harsh.

It's not like I don't want to get on and be friends with Zayn, because I do. It's just really difficult to find the right things to say when you're not sure how the other person feels about you. And Zayn's been giving off mixed signals since the day we met.

Maybe I should just confront him. Ask him if he has a problem with me. But I don't want to come off to harsh or mean, like demanding or anything. I want him to like me. He's my boyfriend's best friend, I'd hate it if he doesn't like me.

"I'm sorry," Zayn says suddenly and totally out of the blue. I turn to him with wide eyes and search his expression, but it's unreadable. There is no way I can tell what he's thinking. He continues to stare at the floor, his eyes moving quickly from the right to the left, and then back again.

"Sorry?" I cough out, clearly confused. "Sorry for what, exactly?"

"For this," he gestures between us with his free hand. "The last thing I wanted was it to be awkward between us. When I first started to have feelings for you I-"

"Wait, what?" I choke on my words and do a double take. Feelings. Feelings? What does he mean by feelings?

Zayn sighs and places his half full, or half empty whatever, cup onto the table beside him and straightens up in his chair. "You heard me right," he says quietly avoiding my eye contact. "When I first met you, I thought you were great. Awesome, actually. But when I started to feel something that I'd never felt for anyone, I began to back away. I knew you were Harry's and I couldn't risk losing him over you." He stops and stares down at the floor for a few seconds before shaking his head and continuing. "I never meant for us to not be friends, I was just scared. Scared that if I became as close to you as Niall is that the feelings wouldn't go away. But then I met Perrie and everything changed, but by then you and Harry had broken up and we were seeing less of you. There was no time for me to rebuild whatever friendship we could of had because before I knew it you were on a plane to America and we were probably never going to see you again."