Always -Josh Dun x Reader

Chapter 1

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Have you ever experienced these surreal moments in time when something amazing is happening around you, and the realisation suddenly hits you out of the blue?

For example, you could be at a concert of your favourite band. It is only when they take their first few steps onto the stage with the screaming crowd roaring in your ears, you realise that you're actually experiencing it, you're actually there.

Well yeah, that is me right now, right at this moment. Only that my favourite band is Twenty Øne Pilots and I am at their concert, right here, right now. Is this real? Do I deserve this? I myself will never know the answer to that question, but I sure as hell know what my mother would say and I can certainly tell you it wouldn't be anything G-rated.

Ever since my father had died - which is a whole other story for another day - my mother has had not one day that I know of where she hasn't drunken so much goddamn alcohol to the point she gets shit-faced drunk. She plainly couldn't handle the death of my father so she fell deep, down into a dark, empty, bottomless pit with no chance of returning from. I had at one point felt sorry for her, seeing she is my mother and watching her like that was hard. But she soon showed a great reason to despise her, so now I do - only that I am also terrified of her.

After a month since my father had passed, my mother had started to act strange and isolated herself from everyone. She quit her job, which had forced me to become the one to support the both of us, the breadwinner if you will. This was extremely difficult seeing I was still only a teenager at the time, fresh out of high school. It was tough, however it became even worse. Overtime she became increasingly aggressive and drank... a lot. Unfortunately she decided that I would be a great target to vent all of her built up anger and sorrow on. It's as if she completely forgot I was her daughter.

It had only started out as simple yelling and shoving, I didn't think too much of it. I had only thought that she was just a frustrated drunk so I let her get away with it. However, soon enough the yelling and pushing totally skyrocketed into threats, screams and even beating me until I was bruised all over. It completely caught me off guard, so much so that I was too shocked to defend myself.

It got even worse such as the time she had smashed a half-empty vodka glass onto the the back of my head. It wasn't a very pleasant feeling having shards of broken glass stuck into my scalp, plus the horrible sting of the alcohol biting at the cuts. I guess the vodka may have helped to sterilise the wounds so that's a small plus if you want to look at it that way. To top it all off was that she hadn't let me leave the house, so I was forced to use the first aid kit in the bathroom to clean and stitch myself up. I still have scars to this day. I have scars from many, many things, but none are from myself.

It has been exactly 5 years and 25 days since my Father had died. Five whole years and twenty five days of an alcoholic, and abusive mother. Five years and 25 days of fending for myself. Five years and 25 days of suffering, of being alone.

Now, I would be lying if I said that I didn't have anyone to talk to about these problems as there is my close friend, Shay. Although she had to move away almost 4 years ago. So talking over the phone or Skype sadly isn't the same. It just doesn't feel... right. However, there has been one thing that has helped me through this horror of a mess. And that thing is music. It helps to pull me into my own little escape bubble, even if it is for only a short amount of time. I just wish I could actually be free.

I had taught myself about a year after my Father had passed on how to play the drums and the guitar, as he was previously encouraging me to do so. However, I only have the chance to practice when my mom is out on a drunken rampage at one of many bars in town. If I even dared to try it with her in the house she would probably beat me until there wasn't an inch of unbruised skin showing on my body, to put it lightly.