Loving Ashlynn (#Wattys2016)

Chapter 23 - Rock and a Hard Place (Brennan POV) Pt.3

"Hey Bren," she greets me easily, just like always. Breathing, heavily, choked up more than normal, I open my mouth to speak but for fear of just falling to pieces on the phone I take a moment to settle myself, "Bren? Are you there?" Devin asks me concerned.

I nod before I realize she wouldn't be able to see that, "Yeah – yeah," I croak out.

"Oh... I just um... Are you not mad, right? I've already spoken to Taylor, and she's going to apologize to Harleigh first thing tomorrow. She didn't mean to say that Haleigh wasn't part of your family, but she's just emotional over Samson," Devin quickly explains. With that new reminded of Thaddeus and my tumble outside, I relax, distracted enough to think clearly. Thoughts of Silas are not completely gone; they never were, but I'm thinking objectively once again.

"Seriously Devin, Taylor cannot say those things," I swallow thickly, shaking my head, "I mean – Harleigh is our sister, being adopted doesn't make her less of our family than anyone. She's stuck with us! Taylor just needs to leave Samson alone-"

"What?" I blink at her interruption as much as the words that had just come tumbling out of my mouth. It was completely unexpected. But in the long pregnant pause between us, I nod to myself. I wasn't wrong. No one was telling me to like Devin. I fell for her myself, and I tell her as much.

"Yeah but Bren, Taylor, and Samson could be good together too," she answers me softly, the roughness from her interlude before gone. "Look... if being with Samson is so much of a fight.... if she has to lash out at Harleigh who has been friends with all of you both since we've met, then... maybe it's not right for them as it is for us and..." I do not pick up steam instead my heart feels as though it's being squeezed because I realize I fear the words I'm going to say next.

I thought Devin and I were stronger, that we could survive anything but could we survive Samson and Taylor not coming together? "Samson is my brother Dev, and Taylor is yours, and it sucks that she's hurting, and maybe I'm a hypocrite because if it were anyone else I'd probably be angrier, but Samson is blood. I don't want to lose him, or you and if we keep putting our noses where we shouldn't... I don't think you and I are going to be able to survive them not being together." When I've said the last word, my chest deflates, and the silence building before us only increases the tension in my shoulders.

I don't ask if she's still on the line. Instead, I wait for Devin to decide our fate. There were no more options. Samson hasn't spoken openly about Silas since... ever. Mom and Uncle Trevor had to keep him sedated for days after he found out that Silas died, and each time he woke it was the same violent outburst, the rage, and harm he suffered to go where he thought Silas would be. The crash site. "No – no, dad we have to go there – Silas he's okay he's waiting we have to go!" he shouted, raging against my parents, grandparents, everyone.

Blinking, if that memory was a scene right before me and my minds eye could run, it would. Hell. It does. I shake my head roughly as though that would help push the images of Samson fighting, brokenly, against everyone.

Still on the phone I can hear Devin swallow, and sigh, "You talked to Samson," she says knowingly, probably realizing that I had changed my tune when it came to Taylor and Samson.

"I did – and Dev, I know she's hurting but... You and Taylor know better than anyone that you cannot force Samson into doing something, he goes at his pace. I know – no – I do not know the pain Taylor is suffering, but maybe this just isn't their time or maybe they just aren't mean to be more than friends. Right now as it stands, he's pushing her away completely because she cannot stop throwing herself at him-"

"I threw myself at you," she answers sassily, making me snort, and shake my head. Damn it she was right, "but I was there just waiting to catch you," my response whispered huskily, a smirk on my face when I hear her breath hitch.

Almost as though she knew I was trying to divert her attention, Devin, "don't you try to throw me off," she warns playfully. "Never," I promise, chuckling.

"I'm just saying Devin; we aren't Taylor and Samson."

"What else did Samson say?"

I bite my lip for a moment, staring at my bedroom wall, one hand lifting to scratch the back of my neck. Before my gaze slips up towards the ceiling, "Did he say anything that would make you think Faith was just using him or is he interested in Faith? Do you think if ... Taylor befriended Faith that maybe she..." the end sounds more like Dev is distracted, "that maybe Samson would see that he can be friends with Faith and still have Taylor? Everyone just be friends?"

"I think that you and I, need to worry about you and me and that Taylor is sad now, but if she takes the time to stop plotting how to get Samson, maybe it wouldn't hurt so bad. I mean so far, she's tried liking what he does," I use for the conversation that I had with Samson, "being with him all the time, being a friend, and dating other guys to make him jealous-"

"She has not!" Devin objects but this are my girl. I know her. Her protest is weak. "Yes... what do you call the two-month relationship with that guy... uh, Nick? She was with him but invited Samson along every time they made plans until that guy realized what was going on and broke it off with her," again Devin goes silent, but I take her silence as confirmation.

"Bottom line, Samson isn't interested and pushing him isn't going to work," I say finally, "and though I do not understand the pain of rejection Taylor is feeling, and I am sorry she's going through it, and it's putting us in a tough spot, that's only because we're making them about us, and we shouldn't."

Devin sighs softly, and I hear a bit of background noise, when I hear water running I remain quiet, "okay... I... it's just hard because I know you don't want this to impact us as a couple, but I-"

I shake my head not even thinking about the other possibilities, "We just have to make sure we work on us, no one else Dev," I say seriously, meaning it. When she sighs and speaks again, I exhale, releasing the tension that was building, holding be stiff.

"Okay..." my girl whispers, "I love you, Bren," and just like that my worries evaporate. For the time being at least, "not more than I love you."

I can almost picture the smile on her face or the way she probably rolled her eyes, "Okay – okay Romeo, I need to jump in the shower, see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah babe," I respond, telling her goodnight and hanging up. Tossing my phone to the side, I rub my face roughly, feeling my shadowed beard growth.

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Now. How could she? I keep replaying Devin's cold words to Samson.

"She's not Silas; you can't replace Silas with Faith," I could feel the blood draining from my face as words I hadn't told Devin are spurted from her mouth with so much venom that it almost sounded as though I was in agreement with her statement. It was only a short few seconds, but in those seconds, I could put together how Devin knew what I had said to Samson.

She knew I had spoken to Samson, because... a piece of me that loves Devin broke in the instant. Devin knew because she watched Samson and I having it. Replaying everything from the night we had the conversation, Samson's open laptop on his desk.

"You told her?" Samson asked, betrayed.

What could I say? The truth? That I hadn't told Devin? All that would lead too is Samson still believing that I had broken his trust and in a way, telling the truth that Devin had hacked our network, had been doing that... I still betrayed him. He'd see past all of that and know that I went to see him that night not to speak to him, but to get information. He'd think that I helped Devin...

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if you're confused... go back to the last chapter and read very carefully.