Critical (Cara Delevingne&Kendall Jenner)

Chapter 7: Jamie, Jamie, and again, Jamie

Cara

It's been two months since me and Josh broke up. Yes, I have been dating him again, and I regret it. I feel like I've been cheating on myself. But the thing is that after '99 generation, yes, Kendall's generation left the school everything's been so empty in my life. And I needed something to fill me, not physically but mentally. And I thought Josh could do that but all he's done was to fill me physically. I mean, don't get me wrong I'm not pregnant or anything, but of course we've had sex. Loads of it. But then I realized that he's a dick and he'll never change, so I dumped him, again. The sad thing is that he never realizes how much of a dick he is.

I splash cold water on my face as I walk to the sink in my small one-bedroom apartment. I look myself in the mirror and stare in my eyes for two minutes staight. Damn. As much as I look pretty, my eyes are filled with nothing. With pure, cold, heartless emptiness. Who are you, Cara?

I'm still teaching English at that stupid elementary school but it's so different now. I don't know where Kendall went, I think she went on a gymnase. I started teaching English on one gymnase but I didn't see anyone familliar but two students I used to teach on elementary school.

I can't even describe the feeling when I wake up. Every single morning I wish I hadn't woken up. Everything has been so fucked up in my life. I'm feeling like an empty trash can, waiting to be filled with food leftovers, paper tosses and empty cigarette packs. I have absolutely nothing to live for. I'm single, which is the least but there's so many things missing in my life and I can't do anything about it because I don't even know what's missing.

I slowly drink my coffee on my balcony, smoking a cigarette. That's been my favourite habit since... Since June. So for the past six or seven months. Coffee makes me think, and cigarettes calm me down. It makes me think a bit. Maybe someday everything will change. But the main question is: when is this day coming?

Kendall

Jamie. What are you doing to me? I've been checking if she viewed all my Snapchat stories ever since she added me, and every night I fall asleep with the biggest smile because she always views everything!

I take a picture of my morning cigarette and coffee and post it on Snapchat. That's my favourite morning habit. Cigarettes and coffee. I became addicted to cigarettes a while ago, but now it only got worse.

I think that me and Emily got even closer since I fell for Jamie, but I hadn't told her about it. And I don't think I ever should although I'd love to let it out on her.

*ring*
"Hello?" Emily picks up.

"Hey, Em. What are you gonna be doing tonight?"

"No plans yet, me and Jamie have been talking about taking a walk or something." Jamie. Ohhhhhhh how I want to go with them!

"Do you want to go out tonight with me, Leah and Dylan? Some others may come, too," I suggest.

"Nah, it's okay, Kenny. I won't be bothering you and your friends. I'll just keep myself busy with Jamie." Well, you can bring Jamie if you want, I'd love that.

"Oh, come on, Emily! Always the same story. Go out with us!" I half yell.

"Maybe I'll be in centre and I'll give you a call, okay?"

"Okay, enjoy. I gotta go now, though. Mom will be home soon," I sigh and say goodbye.

Why doesn't Emily ever want to go with us? I mean she could take Jamie with her, and nobody would mind, especially me.

Later that night:

"Dylan, stop being such a bitch and pass me my weed!" I yell. He passes it to me and I take three long inhales. Wow. Life can be really amazing when you're getting high with your best friends.

I glance over to Leah who's watching me. I can see the concern in her eyes but I can't really read the remaining emotions.

"What's up with you, love?" I ask Leah. She just sheaks her head and looks away. "Oh, come on, babe. Tell me."

"You love her. Right?" She asks with raised eyebrows. My eyes widen.

"Who do I love now? Leah, you're confusing me," I say confused.

"Jamie. You love Jamie. You fucking love her, don't you?"

"I don't-" I start but she cuts me off.

"Don't deny it, Kendall. Confess it to yourself. I can see it in your eyes, everytime you talk about her... Man, your eyes shine like diamonds. Why don't you make a move? I mean you practically see her every week, why don't you just... Kiss her out of nowhere!" She suggests with excitement.

"I don't know, love. She's definitelly 100% straight, she'll probably hate me and that's the last thing I would've wanted," I sigh. I mean I don't think Jamie likes me anyways but that doesn't mean she has to hate me.

After we finish my joint we leave our 'weed spot' and walk towards centre. I feel my phone buzzing and check who it is.

'Emily❤'

"Yeah, babe?" I smile as I pick up.

"I'll be in centre in 10 minutes. Tell me where you are."

I laugh as she asks me where I am. Where am I anyways? Oh, I know already.

"I'm near railway station but we're going to the actual centre," I say as I blow the cigarette smoke out of my mouth.

"Alright, I'm with Jamie and two other guys, maybe we'll see each other. Call me if you'll be in McDonald's or Starbucks," Emily says and I can hear her smile as she's speaking. Jamie is with her. Which means I have to see them because I really want to see her.

"Okay, I'll call you. Bye, bitch," I say and blow a kiss in my phone. I can hear Emily giggle.

"Okay, bye."

I glance over to Leah just to find her looking at me with the biggest smile. My face brightens up, I show her my biggest smile. 'I'm gonna see her,' I mouth to her and she sheaks her head while smiling.

I laugh at something Dylan says as we walk through centre. Then Leah pinches me.

"Babe, Emily's there," she says and points to Emily. My face brightens up and I look down, smiling. My heartbeat rises, my hands start to shake and my breathing gets deeper. Jamie is next to her.

Emily notices me and starts walking towards me as I wave at her. Oh my God, Jamie waved at me and gave me her innocent angelic smile. Calm your tits, Kendall.

"Hey, Ems," I say as I give her a kiss on the cheek. She pushes me away and stares in my eyes.

"Are you...?" She asks smiling. I smile and glance down. She sheaks her head with a smile.

"Oh, you guys don't know each other yet, right? Dylan, that's Emily and Jamie, Leah, Jamie," I introduce my friends to Emily and Jamie and they sheak hands. Leah and Emily met about a month ago when I was with Emily and Leah came on our bus.

"So where are you guys going?" Emily asks. I notice Jamie looking at me with a small smile, remaining quiet.

"Oh, I don't know. We wanted to go for a drink but all of us happen to be broke," I laugh. Emily smiles.

"We were heading somewhere I could buy a pack of cigarettes for my mom, she asked me for one pack," Emily says.

"You want a cigarette? I have plenty. Does any of you want one?" I say, lighting up another cigarette and handing a pack over to Leah. Emily and Jamie sheak their heads, not taking their eyes off me.

"No, thanks. None of us smoke, right Jamie?" Emily seduces and laughs at Jamie. She just sheaks her head with a small smile.

"We should get going, so Ems I'll see you in school, yeah?" I say and give her a kiss on the cheek.

"Yes, enjoy yourselves, guys. Bye!" She smiles as they walk away.

"Isn't she just sooooo pretty?" I say happily to Leah as we walk down the road. She just rolls her eyes and smiles. And just before they disappear in another street, I turn around and look at Jamie. How much can someone love a person? I think to myself as we walk along.

Oh, Jamie. What are you doing to me?